Page 206 of Meet Me in the Dark: The Complete Series

"I'm sorry for hurting you," he says, making my eyes widen at words I did not expect to hear. "I never meant to. I just...I know you're not her. I know. I know it in my mind, but in here..." He brings his hand between us and as he places it to his chest, I can feel that it's shaking. "In here, I'm terrified that you're going to break me. She didn't break me, Lexa. She betrayed my trust and made me doubt if Jeremiah and I could ever have what other people do, our own version of normal. She hurt me, but she didn't break me. But with you, I know it would shatter me."

It's a hurtful mixture of emotions that rushes through me. Happy to know I'm in his heart. Sad that he would think, even for a second, that I would break the heart he's let me into. Anger that what someone else has done to him makes him doubt me. Disappointed that there's still this distrust and distance between us.

"I'm in your heart, Ezekiel?" I ask, backing up so I can see his face as I bring my hand to his chest, too, placing it over his.

There's fear in his eyes, but his lips curve up into a small smile. "I don't think you ever gave me a choice really. Or better yet, I never stood a chance."

I want to smile back, but I suppress the urge. Instead, I bring my hand to his temple. "Then, you had better figure out what's going on in here. Before you lose your place in here."

I place my hand over my own heart and his smile drops.

"You sat in the car and told me all the things real love wouldn't do, but you did them. You made me doubt. You made me feel less than. I don't deserve to feel that way. Not when I've never given you a reason to think any of my words or actions were lies. Not when I opened myself up to you. Not when I gave you what I swore I would never give anyone."

I rise suddenly, making him slip out of me as I ignore how unsteady my legs feel to stand over him.

"So, I take back my love from you, and you will have to grovel to get it back. And you had better hope,hope,that when you finally come to your senses and realize what we truly had, that I allow you anywhere near my heart."

"Lexa." He begins to get up to, tucking himself back into his shorts.

I shake my head and back away, pulling my skirt down, not thinking about the fact that I can feel him leaking out of me. "There's nothing else we need to say to each other. I know what I want. You need to figure out what it is you want, and if you're truly even ready for what you want."

I turn on my heels and walk towards the doors, feeling his eyes on me like a brand, searing into my back. Out the door, across the street, into my car, I don't look back one time, forcing myself not to check if he's still watching as I start my car. I'm not even sure I check for traffic before I pull into the road and race away from the gym. Only then, with the dark gym in my rearview mirror, do I admit that I'm terrified he will decide that he doesn't truly want me. That I'm not worth the fight my mother mentioned. That I'm not the one for him like I know he and Jeremiah are the ones for me.

At a red light, I get the phone out and send the same message to my mother, and my group chat with Sophie and Charlotte.

Me: I said what I needed to. Did what I needed to. Now, the ball's in his court.

My mother will know her own words, and I told Sophie and Charlotte about what's been going on, and the conversation with my mother, so they'll understand too. They all text me back at the same time.

Soph: Well, let’s hope he's a damn good basketball player.

Char: I mean, he's not tall for nothing. He's got this. Or we'll stuff him into one of Shawn's cribs until he stops acting like a child.

Soph: Oh, we could even get him a onesie, a cute little bib that saysI'm a dumbass.

I laugh while typing out a reply.

Me: You guys are almost making me hope he does act up so we can do just this.

Then, I switch to my mother's text.

Mom: If he has a drop of sense in his head, he'll come running, baby. Oh, and PS, I booked a cruise for next week.

I hesitantly type out:With who?

Mom: Only me. Me, myself, and I.

I smile as I type my next message.

Me: I love that, Mom.

Light turning green, I feel just a little lighter as I begin driving again. Either Ezekiel comes groveling, or we lock him in a crib. Sounds good to me.

Chapter 12

“You look stunning," Heather compliments me as I walk into the venue.

I chuckle, smoothing my hand over my strapless, plum-colored, floor-length dress. It's more a show of my nerves than me thinking there's anything wrong with my dress. I made sure there isn't. Everything is perfect. Every strand of hair pinned up with a black clasp at the back of my head. Dress, cinching at my waist, flowing out from there. Black heels that are comfortable enough for me to be on my feet all night. Black bracelet and a teardrop necklace that settles right above my breasts. All of it, perfect. I just need this night to be exactly the same.

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