Page 53 of Conquer or Die

I know I should fight, I know I should do something and not just sit here and accept my fate, to fight to the death until I kill everyone standing in the way of me and my son, but I just can’t imagine a scenario where I kill him. Even if I’m able to escape he will come back and kill me, a life on the run again.

As much as I say how tired I am no one will understand just how tired I truly am, people might think I’m being selfish choosing to die and accept what’s to come instead of fighting it, but Dante will be better off with his dad once his better. He won’t even need to run or hide, and he will live a happy life unlike his mum because one thing I know for a fact is Vincenzo sane or not won’t ever let anything happen to Dante.

“Dante is my son, I will protect him with my life” Vincenzo muttered out, I nodded my head slowly. “Then go ahead and do it” I spoke up waiting for him to stab me. “You would really accept your death instead of fight?” he speaks up looking at me full of disgust, I let out an exhale and nodded my head “If I fight and escape will you leave me to raise my son peacefully?” I snapped looking at the judgement in his eyes, “will you leave me and not hunt me down until you eventually kill me? Potentially scarring your son for life leaving him without a mum and a dad? Tell me Vincenzo would you!” I shouted getting fed up with the judgement and with my own maternal guilt trying to justify it all, but I know I sound crazy, and I know I’m being selfish and it’s eating me up inside. I just don’t want to hurt him. I rather let him kill me then kill him.

“That’s not good enough” he spat shaking his head, “what’s the real reason?” He probed like he was interrogating me, “wh-” I went to speak before he cut me off coming back down to my level placing the knife on my lip. “If you lie ill slice those pretty lips right off. So, tell me what’s the real reason you won’t fight? The reason you’re so ready to accept your fate.”

“I’m just tired” I answered half truthfully.

“Say the real reason” he warned,

“I did” I shouted.

“Say it!” he shouted back our faces inches from one another.

“I DID VINCENZO I’M FUCKING TIRED IM SICK OF IT ALL!”

He shook his head unconvinced, “Say. It.”

I yelled frustrated feeling myself about to burst “I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HURT YOU! IF I FIGHT, I KNOW THE ONLY WAY OUT FOR ME IS TO KILL YOU AND I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” I yelled reaching boiling point. As soon as the words left my lips, I regretted it instantly. His face twisted into annoyance he stormed out of the room, and I kicked my legs out and screamed “FUCK!” I was beyond frustrated and annoyed I need to get out of here.

I need to get to my son, and I need to help Vincenzo get back on his two feet, I won’t let Dante grow up without his parents no matter what I have to endure. I felt like I was all over the place, one-minute I’m ready to die the next I’m ready to fight, but look at the state I’m in who would have a clear head?

I have never accepted my fate and always fought it tooth and fucking nail. I won’t stop now either finally coming to my senses I take a deep breath and look down at my hands in the stupid handcuffs. Taking in a deep breath I feel a surge of frustration and panic rising in my chest, like I’m running out of time. I tried thinking of way to free myself looking around Vincenzo wasn’t dumb there was absolutely nothing in this room that could help me escape, fucking horse ranch. I mentally cursed rolling my eyes.

I could break my thumb and squeeze my hands out, but it causes more damage than people realise and it’s not always successful, besides something tells me if I’m going to make it out alive, I need my hands functional. I look over at the metal pipe and notice a rusted bolt, its barely noticeable but it gave me an idea. I twisted my body trying to position myself so I can reach the bolt with my teeth.

I bend down moving my hands closer to the bolt leaning down I start twisting the bolt with my teeth it took several tries, but finally, I manage to finally get a good grip on the bolt and start twisting it loose.

I can feel it getting loose and I mentally cheer myself on, the bolt comes free I spit it out of my mouth. Feeling the metal pipe loosen I sit back up and start tugging on my handcuffs to break the pipe in two. One more tug and I hear the end of the pipe hit the floor, standing up I look around “I need to get out here before he gets back” I mentally remind myself and I run out of the room. I ran as fast as my legs can carry me, not turning back. I sprinted past the horses I was so close to the estate.

The closer I got to the estate the more my heart pounded, the adrenaline was pumping through my veins like he was running behind me. I could see the estate in the near distance and ran even faster, I need to make sure Dante is safe and send him to Italy with Ariana while I and Lorenzo get Vincenzo back. Deep in thought I didn’t notice the tree branch on the floor, tripping over it I hit the ground hard I hissed feeling the fresh scratches on my legs, arms and face. “Fuck!” I cursed trying to stand back on my feet before someone flips me on my back, his tall body towering over me as he pins my hands above my head. I take a sharp inhale, my body kicking into fight or flight as the nerves settled in the pit of my stomach.

Under other circumstances this would turn me on so much, his face was stone as he tensed his jaw and in those grey eyes all you could read from it was anger, he was ready to lose his shit. He hated making mistakes and he just made the biggest one, he underestimated me.

“You okay there Italy?” I mocked winking at him, he let out a low growl and pulled me up throwing me over his shoulder as he made his way back to the dumb ranch. I kicked and punched him as he walked back but it was like he was getting a massage he was so unphased it was starting to piss me off. He threw me down on the hay and I winced the scratches and bruises were still fresh, his face softened as he went to check on me before he abruptly shot back up like he caught onto himself. My hands still handcuffed I slowly stood up facing him “what’s the plan here Mafia?” I probed him, was it the smartest idea? No, but I’m known for always picking the wrong moments to piss him off.

Given his newfound paranoia nothing I say or do is going to help him so why change, might as well make the most out of whatever I have left. “Why’d you run?” he questioned looking at me, I walked closer to him until I stood directly in front of him. He didn’t move back instead he stood his ground looking down at me as his tall frame towered over me. “I thought it was pretty obvious?” I questioned arching my eyebrow, “I want to send my son far away from you” I spoke through my teeth knowing it’s going to set him off. He slammed me back into the wall, my back hitting the back I collapse on my knees. Ugh that fucking hurt.

“Bitch” I hissed feeling the sharp pain travel through my back right to my head, “who are you to take my son away from me?” He shouted.

I rolled my eyes looking up at him “I’m his mother! Until you’re better and clean, you won’t go near my son” I breathed out feeling the air being knocked out of me. He griped me by my neck pulling me up, I gasped for air my hands gripping his as he lifted me off the ground. “My son” he reminded me.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I felt my airways close up, with all my energy I pushed my thumbs in his eyes wanting him to let go. It worked. I landed flat on my ass gasping for air. I quickly stood up “our son” I corrected his earlier statement. “Vincenzo, look at me you don’t have to do all of this let me fucking help you damit” I shouted my tone coming off desperate because I was.

If I die, I want only Vincenzo to take care of our son, but not in this state, and when I’m gone how will I know what kind of state he will be in.

“What makes you think I need any help?” he shouted rubbing his eyes before making eye contact with me.

“This isn’t you! Even with your memory loss you couldn’t hurt me, you never left me. You protected me no matter what, you never left me even when fate gave you every opportunity too. Now it’s my turn, you can stab me, you can punch me. Fuck you can throw me against the wall a hundred times. I won’t leave you, even when I ran, I was planning on coming back. You were always in my corner now it’s my fucking turn! So, kill me, don’t kill me, I’m not leaving”. I cried fighting back the tears, I lowered my head feeling the hot tears fall down my face, “when you were in that accident, and everyone thought you were dead. It felt like I died with you, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t breathe I drowned myself in Vodka just to numb myself from the pain I was going through” I wince recalling the event’s, thankfully I wasn’t pregnant yet. I found out two weeks later and thank God it takes 2-3 weeks after sex to officially become pregnant.

If I was drowning myself in vodka and had Dante growing inside of me, I would have hit a new level of guilt. I shake my head refocusing on Vincenzo.

“Why did you do that? Why not start a new life? Why suffer?” he asked confused, I shook my head “unbelievable after everything we’ve been through you still don’t get it do you?” I spoke out in disbelief. I wanted to scream so badly how I felt but there was something stopping me so instead I looked at him as the tears rolled down my cheeks. “Vodka was easier to swallow than the fact that you weren’t coming back” I admitted truthfully. “I promised to never leave you, no matter what. I don’t intend on breaking that promise. If you want me gone, if you really think I’m capable of doing whatever it is that your brain is telling you than you have to kill me. Otherwise, I’m never leaving”.

He hesitated looking me up and down, “I want to believe you. So, tell me why I can’t”.

I exhaled taking in a deep breath “the drugs he injected in you is causing many side effects but the main one is paranoia, me being the first in sight and the first person to try and help you. It triggered you to think I was behind it all and just wanted to cover my tracks.” I answered honestly waiting for his reply. “Do you remember anything?” I asked softly not wanting to trigger him, he runs his fingers through his hair tugging at it, the veins in his neck popping out as he tensed up, he looked like he was about to explode.

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