Page 28 of Conquer or Die

“Isabella?” Vincenzo calls out surprised. He rushes to my side helping me sit up, he moved to the side and poured me a cup of water.

“Are you okay?” He softly whispers, I nod my head before groaning from the excessive pain. I grip my head and shut my eyes trying to rid the pain, “I’ll call the nurse” I gripped his arm and shook my head “I’m okay” I reassured him.

“Where’s Dante?” I asked, he smiled telling me he was sleeping in Ariana’s room. He looked at me hesitantly like he wanted to say something but was debating on whether it would be a good idea or not.

I looked at him curiously “what?”

He cleared his throat “It is not my place but, what were you and Xavier?” I widened my eyes at the rather strange question.

“We weren’t an item if that is what you’re insinuating” I reassured him, he looked unconvinced. I watched him curiously “what?” I questioned softly. He cleared his throat moving back “when you fell, he tried to jump after you, but the stab wounds didn’t allow him.”

I looked away cleaning my jaw, “Isabella?” He questioned. I shook my head softly before turning to look back at him. “I never loved him back, and I never will” I confirmed once again.

“Then why didn’t you kill him?” He asked. “As far as I’ve known you, you’re quite ruthless when it comes to finishing the job. From what I know about Dragon, she never leaves a witness and never leaves an enemy breathing. From what I saw in the basement with Diego, it was destruction at its finest, so why not Xavier? Why is he still breathing?” I looked up pondering his question.

A question a lot of people were curious about finding out, I let out a sigh and looked over at him again. “I felt bad for him” I whispered softly, “even after he did what he did?” Vincenzo spits out.

I nod my head softly “every villain has an origin story no one is born evil. They’re created” I simply explained.

“That doesn’t excuse him for what he did to me, and it never will, but it foolishly made me feel sorry for him. Every time I go to kill him, I see this damaged broken little boy and then my younger self flashes next to him. If he deserved to die for what he did then so did I?” I questioned softly.

Vincenzo shook his head looking at me “that’s different he made you do all that he turned you into a villain” he explained trying to justify it all. I shook my head “just like someone turned him into the villain he is” I reminded him.

“You did all you did because you wanted to escape the mental and physical abuse, it was your only way to survive. You did what you did because if you didn’t you would be dead” I nodded my head softly.

“He was right” I sighed softly. He looked at me confused“Just like the moon half of my heart will always love the dark”I quoted him.

FLASHBACK

I looked at the boxing bag in front of me, trying to reach mental exhaustion so I can sleep without the reoccurring guilty nightmares. I let out a grunt as my fist collided against the rough texture. I can’t fucking keep doing this, I kicked the bag making the chain snap. I watched in satisfaction as the bag fell to the floor, catching my breath I looked up and saw Xavier in the door frame.

I kept my guard up as he approached me slowly, “I mean no harm” he put his hands up surrendering. I rolled my eyes “you have done enough” I reminded him. I stepped back looking at him uneasy. I was already seventeen and still stuck with him, stuck in the same twisted fate. This man was the reason why my hands are forever stained with blood, why my heart and soul have darkened and why I have become numb to the sight of violence, and why I’m terrified of the dark and spending too much time in my head alone.

“I just … I wanted to talk to you” he cautiously spoke up, I looked him up and down, not wanting to hear a word that comes out of his mouth. “Xavier. Just leave” I’m so tired. So, fucking tired, “I just … I need you to hear this. Please” he begged.

I looked at him taken back, he looked the most vulnerable I have ever seen him, I let out a sigh and gestured for him to continue. “I wasn’t always like this.” He looked at me guilty, “I wasn’t always a bad person” he continued. I didn’t move, I didn’t blink I just kept staring at him with the same cold stare.

“I didn’t have the best upbringing. I grew up without my parents, so I went in and out of the system a lot. It’s ironic how a lot of people’s criminal stories start with that.” He joked trying to lighten the mood, but all I could do was just stand in place frozen, unable to comprehend what was happening and why he was doing what he was doing. Why after all this time after everything he did is he know trying to explain why … did the guilt finally make its way to his conscious, or was this just another mind game? He, saw my cold exterior and coughed awkwardly before continuing.

“It’s no excuse for what I did or what I’m still doing. But when bad things happen to you all you tend to do it focus on it and mimic what you know. All I know is pain, so inflicting it on others isn’t a bad thing in my head its life. It’s the life I grew up with.”

He took a deep breath looking away “I was ten years old when I first got rap-” I cut him off putting my hand up feeling sick to my stomach.

“I was at an orphanage and the headmaster took a particular interest in me. This went on for two years, along with torture and beatings when I did something wrong.” He barely spoke out, his voice dropping below audible. I was so torn in this moment I looked at him with genuine sadness, no one deserves that ever. For the first time in meeting and knowing him, I emphasised with him. It made me want to console him, but then my head reminded me of all he did making me haul in place.

“I ran away when I was twelve the abuse became so bad that if I stayed another day id be dead at his hands or my own. I was on the streets most of my life surviving on what I could steal, or what strangers would give me.” He kept his head down like he was back in that very moment.

“A couple took me in when I was fifteen, it was amazing. They treated me like their son, I was well feed, well dressed. They did everything for me, then one day I figured out why … they were prepping me to be sold. Over and over. The people who took me in who I thought would be my redemption my second chance. Turned out to be the reason I became what I am. When id refuse advances or bash and fight my way out of that red room, I’d be beaten until I was blue. I’d be chained to the heater for hours. I can’t tell you how many times I passed out from exhaustion. Eventually, I stopped eating I refused to take care of myself. So, I wouldn’t be sold or desirable for anyone.” His voice cracked, I swallowed the lump I had in my throat and watched him.

I felt the urge to tear up, but I couldn’t, I was so numb I forced myself to be like this and now hearing something as inhumane as this was no longer affecting me as much as it would have. Xavier did not deserve any of that, but I didn’t deserve any of this either.

“They would bring kids in from the streets and do it over and over with others. Then one day I decided I had enough, with every strength I had saved I snapped my wrist. I had to bite down on a cloth to stop me from screaming and alerting everyone that I was now free. I freed my wrist from the hand cuff. I unlocked all the room doors and helped the boys inside leave. I grabbed the gasoline outside from the shed and spread it all over the house, walking into their bedroom I hovered above them. It was in that moment my fate was sealed, I poured the gasoline all over their bodies they woke up screaming and scared. I felt like a god, I was finally on the other side I was no longer on the receiving end of being in fear I was now feared. The power that surged through my veins left me with no hesitation, I turned my lighter on and dropped it on their bodies.” He smirked proud of himself.

“I stood there for a minute or two watching them scream at the top of their lungs. That blood curling scream that’s been engraved in my head like a song on repeat. I laughed at them finding a satisfying feeling watching their skin sizzle and melt until they were nothing but bones. I was merciful but it was a sweet revenge.” He smiled looking up at me, he was met with an expression he was not expecting.

My eyes were slightly wide, my breathing became heavier. As I stared at him, I myself was unaware of how to feel or process any of this. “I wasn’t always a bad person Isabella, I just … I don’t know what normal is.” he quickly tried to make the situation more justifiable.

It sounded like he was trying to explain why he did what he did to me, like it was going to make it all better. I cleared my throat and walked past him before he called my name and made me haul once more. “Isabella. Let me finish … please” he pleaded softly.

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