Page 19 of Darling Nikki

“No, I just never—” She shrugs.

I know. Shame at how I took her boils the back of my throat. I slam my head on the steering wheel. It shouldn’t have been me. It should have been anyone but me. That makes pure fiery rage slide over me like lava.

“So, you were hoping Sommerland could do the fucking honors? Is that why Nebraska was there, shoving him down your pretty throat?” Looking out the window, I turn a wrathful gaze her way. “Are you looking for a new best friend?” I make it sound something other than the sweet platonic friendship we’ve had for the last six years. It’s not that anymore. Can never be that again. I ruined what we had the moment I touched her.

“N-no.” She rears back as if I smacked her.

“What do you think grinding on that bull like that would do? Hmm?” In for a penny, in for a pound, as they say. I sound like the worst motherfucker in the world, but I’m not bothered by that, I’m more concerned about what she’s getting up to.

“Why do you care, Mathias? You have Natalie. Unless you’re not still engaged.” She comes back with that sharp comment, leaning in hard; our faces almost touch. “At least he can offer me real friendship.”

I hate that she is using what we have the much the same way as I did. Knowing that I can offer her nothing makes darkness spread inside me with wave after wave of hatred for Sommerland and all he can offer and for her wanting more than I can give.

“You’re right. I can’t offer you friendship because our families would balk, not that I give a fuck, but you love yours. I’m already under the spotlight as it is, about to run for office. Then, if we were more…” I drag my gaze from her back out to the darkness, seeing the void her loss would cause in my life. Bitterness toward my best friend crowds out reason. “It could only be like this. You’d be my whore.” I turn to her, reaching out to hold her hand in a grip that makes her flinch. “My whore to use in every way, and you’d love it. I can’t offer you anything but darkness. Despair. If you care about yourself at all, you’ll run from me now and never look my way again. At this moment, darling, there is nothing I want to do more than to split your little virgin pussy open and have you weeping on my dick. And I won’t stop, not until I own every part of you—until your every thought is of me and how I make you feel.” My breath saws in and out, mingling with hers. I can see the rapid butterfly pattern of her pulse. Belatedly I realize she wants this. Thinks I will rise above and be the hero in her story, something I know I can never be. I’d be her tragedy.

Pulling the last modicum of decency, I have left, I shove her away. “Get the fuck out, Nikki,” I ground out through clenched teeth, fighting the desire to crash into her. She hesitates for a second, then is gone.

Two hours later,I pull Ulysses’s truck up to his mother’s house.

“The fuck took you so long?”

“It anyone asks, I brought the truck directly,” I tell him, tossing the keys as I make my way up the stairs. I grab the mason jar he’s sipping moonshine from, taking a sip.

“Ooh, wee, this is strong. Who you got it from, your girl or Digger?” I ask, watching his ice-blue eyes go cold.

“She ain’t nothing to me but a fucking headache. Digger.” He takes a long sip and falls quiet. I don’t ask. We’re not the type of family that asks questions.

“Dirty-ass cop,” I say, lighting up a joint, taking a drag, then passing it to him.

“Is there any other kind?” he asks, unbothered.

“Not in this family.” I say, “Except your dad.”

He’s quiet for a long time before he answers. “And you see where the fuck that got him.” Then: “You smell like sugar.”

“Yeah, I needed to get some last-minute fertilizer to the south field,” I say, thinking of how Tim-Bob looked like a trussed-up pig when I buried him alive.

Finally,Nikki’s gaze shifts away as she takes her place on the opposite side of the preacher. One by one the other members of the wedding party walk down the aisle, followed by Easy, escorted by LL, her cousin, and my campaign manager. Once they make it up the aisle, the rehearsal resumes, the minister going over everything he will say. The couple, in true grumpy-sunshine fashion, pantomimes their expected responses for the ceremony. Then we all file out, with Nikki looping her arm through mine.

“Hi,” she whispers over to me like nothing untoward happened between us. Like I haven’t tasted her and loved her body.

“Hey.” My voice sounds monotone to my own ears. I can tell by her crestfallen expression she hoped for better. “Sorry,” I mutter, not want her to think I blame her for anything that happened between us. It’s all on me. “About everything,” I add as we near the edge of the aisle.

The smile she gives me nearly knocks me on my ass. It’s like she’s been waiting for this moment. In that moment I realize I have too. I’ve missed her. Maybe we needed this break to get us back on track.

“Um.” I clear my throat, leaning a little her way. “Maybe we can snatch a moment to talk after the ceremony.”

“I’d like that, Thi.” She tilts her head a little, beaming up at me.

A little hum races through me at that look. It looks like I have my best friend back.

My jacket pocket starts buzzing incessantly. Annoyance sparks briefly as I dig out my phone. I almost hit Do Not Disturb, but I see all the Google Alerts and my campaign manager rushing at me, waving the latest edition ofShelby-Love Chroniclelike he’s trying to put out a raging fire.

ChapterSix

Nikki

I don’t knowwhat the hell I was thinking. I shouldn’t have kissed him that night. I 110 percent should not have kissed him. Not on the cheek. Then, after he froze and looked at me with those silver eyes all hot and moody, why did my silly ass go lean in—never mind that he met me halfway nuzzling me, sucking on my lobe—never mind that, why did I lean in, touch my lips to his? Then I proceeded to let him snatch me up and eat at my mouth. It was supposed to be our goodbye forever. He was engaged to someone else. Someone in his league. Rich like him, gorgeous like him—not me.

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