Page 77 of Every Little Thing

“Ugh, it was an accident! It’s not like we dothatmuch weird stuff.”

“Recording yourself railing her on top of the lighthouse? That’s tame, then, huh?”

“Look, that’s one of the weirder ones. The last two times have both been at her house—”

“Paisley. Oh my god.” She put her hands over her face. “I don’t want to hear about any of the times.”

“At this point, you’re asking for it. The next time you bring it up, I’m going into blow-by-blow detail—”

“Spare me. I don’t need to picture Harper in a harness or whatever you’re doing next.”

“Her?You thinkshe’sthe one with the harness?”

She gave me a look like she wanted to die right now. I cleared my throat.

“I mean… hypothetically.”

“Oh my god.” She hung her head. “What I’ve beentryingto say is that… I think you two make a good couple.”

My mouth felt so dry suddenly it was like I’d bitten down on a roll of cotton. I swallowed trying to get rid of it. “Yeah?”

“Mm-hm. I mean, look at you. Exploring your style and self-expression, getting out there and trying all kinds of things… diving into how you really feel. I mean, that’s what being human is, right? What it means to be a part of something—really, truly a part of something. You’re not putting on a performance, not trying to get people to think of you a certain way or see you a certain way, not trying to be something, just… letting yourself be. And be perceived. Everything that makes youyou—even the embarrassing ones, you own them, carry them. And the right people are the ones who help you do that. Who like everything about you. Harper…” She cast her gaze back out towards Harper, but it felt like she was looking through her—seeing much further beyond her. “When I see you with Harper, I think you’re like that. Really, honestly you. And I… I want that for you.”

I slumped back against the bench, rolling the point of one heel along the ground. “Emby waxing poetic.”

“It’s Emberlynn.”

“Ever considered writing song lyrics?”

“Yeah. They sucked. I leave it to the lyricists. You’re just saying bullshit to get out of addressing difficult things.”

I huffed. “It’s extremely rude of you to call me out when I didn’t ask you to. Ugh…”

“It’s okay to tell me how you feel. Even the embarrassing feelings.”

I shrank into myself, feeling like a withering leaf—crumpling up on myself, getting smaller, fading. “How I feel is dumb. Really dumb. Like… how do you even know when you’re in love with someone?”

She shrugged. “You just… you just feel it. Your heart says it, not your head.”

“My heart says I love cheese.”

“You’re just saying bullshit to get out of—”

“Shut up! Shut up.” I shook my head. “Just wish… my heart would put things in plain English for me to understand.”

She paused. “You don’t… know how you feel about her?”

“Is this what love is?” I shrugged, hugging myself tighter, feeling naked. Wearing fancy clothes and nice makeup, trying to be pretty, that was easy compared to baring all of this. “Just thought… thought it was some kind of wild, all-in, smack-you-upside-the-face feeling.”

“Oh, no,” she laughed. “No. Almost never. It’s the kind of feeling, the kind of realization, that comes in so slowly it’s never easy to pin down when it started. It’s like the sunrise. Hard to pick the exact moment that the sun started to rise, but then you look around and it’s impossible to deny that the sun is there, lighting up the world.”

I snorted. “Aria’s made you so corny. Ugh.”

“Okay, dumbass. More like when you’ve been lying in bed and you don’t know when you zoned out and lost track of time, but sure enough you look around and you’ve been here for three hours playing sudoku so youdefinitelyzoned out somewhere. It’s like that.”

“Okay, that one I can relate with.” Still, my gaze drifted across the field to where Harper and Gwen were doing something at Gwen’s computer together, and even though it wasmuch too corny to ever admit aloud, looking at Harper made me relate more to the first one, becausedamn,she really did have a way of lighting up the world.

It wasn’t very fair.

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