Page 47 of The Fangirl and the Crooner

My face tightens, but I somehow manage to hold onto my smile and sound believable when I say, “Really? That’s great, Bram.”

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I love him, and we should want all the success in the world for the ones we love, right? Ishouldbe happy for him. But apparently, I’m a selfish bitch, and I don’t want our new life together to change. Not when I just got everything I’ve ever wanted.

It’s all my own fault. If I hadn’t uploaded that first video, none of this would be happening. But then again, if I hadn’t, our lives might look completely different right now. This is the path I put myself on, and now I have to see it through.

Bram deserves this. And I refuse to stand in his way.

I pick up my phone and look down at it so he won’t see the sorrow in my eyes. Pulling up the message from the music label, I send a reply, giving them Bram’s phone number and telling them he’s excited for their call. Then I compose myself and look back up at him with a smile.

“Okay, it’s done.”

“Thank you,” he says, leaning over to give me a quick kiss. “I’m going for a short run. I’ll be back soon.”

I watch him as he heads out the door, and as soon as it closes behind him, my smile drops. I need to get it together. It’s in Bram’s hands now, and whatever he decides, I’m going to have to accept it. And try to be happy for him.

I stare at the phone still gripped in my tense fingers and make a decision. Tapping at the screen, I pull up my group text thread with Willow and Keegan.

Me: Do you guys have a minute? I need you.

Keegan: What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did something happen? Should I call?

Me: I’m fine, I promise. Bram decided to talk to the music label guys.

Keegan: Oh. Well, that’s great, isn’t it?

Willow: Sorry, I was with a customer. Just catching up. That’s awesome for him, Press!

Me: Am I a total bitch because I don’t want him to do it?

Keegan: First off, you’re not a bitch.

Keegan: Secondly, why don’t you want him to do it?

Willow: You could never be a bitch, Pressley. What are you worried about?

Me: That everything is going to change. I just found myhappy place here with him, and I don’t want to lose it. But I also don’t want to hold him back. If he wants this, and I think he does, I’ll support him, of course. I just hate feeling so miserable over it all. This is a big deal for Bram, and I care about him. I should be happy.

Keegan: Have you talked to Bram about this?

Me: Of course, not!

Keegan: Why not? You guys are together now, and his decisions affect you as much as they do him. It’s better to talk it through now than to resent him for it later when he has no idea how you really feel.

Willow: I agree. You guys should be equal partners. At least if he knows your worries, he can help you figure out a solution that works for you both.

Me: I don’t know. I’d hate for him to pass up a great opportunity just because I’ll feel left behind. It feels selfish to even risk it.

Keegan: It’s not selfish, Press. It’s only human.

Me: I’ll think about it.

Willow: Don’t procrastinate too long. If you wait until after he accepts the deal, it’ll only make things worse.

Me: I won’t. Thanks, guys.

Keegan: We love you!

Willow: Yeah, we do!

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