Page 49 of The Fangirl and the Playboy

“Come on,” I hiss, shaking the clear quartz in my hand like the motion might activate it, or something.

But just like before, nothing happens. My mind doesn’t clear. I don’t get struck by some mystic shot of clarity that tells me exactly where to go from here when it comes to Gavin.

Last night was…

I don’t even have words.

And in the moment, I was sure I was doing the right thing. Theonlything. Sleeping with Gavin was more about theneedthan thewantfor me.

When he opened up and said all that stuff about being in love with me back then, and how he’d have moved heaven and earth to make things work with me––not in so many words, but that was the gist of it––whatever control I held over my physical and emotional reactions snapped.

And he sure as hell didn’t disappoint. I don’t know that I’ve ever been so open with what I wanted during sex, or if Gavin can just read me better than anyone else, but he knew exactly what I needed and gave it to me in spades.

And now, in the bright light of day? I’m more confused than ever.

What is this thing between us? Just sex? No, that doesn’t feel right.

It feels like more, but how much more? Are we just having fun while Gavin’s in town? And when he needs to leave, will we part on good terms with a pocketful of memories?

Or is this more, the beginning of something we’ll try to make work when the time comes for him to go?

And which scenario do I prefer?

Hell, if I know.

And how would we even make it work if we tried? I’ve never had any desire to leave Evening Shade. I have roots here. Family. Friends. A business. Would I leave it all behind to be with Gavin?

Before yesterday, my answer would’ve been an unequivocalno. But now that I know how good we are together? That he really did love me all those years ago, and wants another shot to get it right, this time?

I don’t know, but if I did move to L.A. to be with him, how long would it be before I resented him for it? For pulling me away from my home just to leave me stranded there alone while he travels around the world making movies?

And if the opposite were true, and he decided to move here to be with me, I don’t think that would work, either. He’d either be gone most of the time, travelling for auditions, filming, and promoting, or he’d put a halt to all that and end up resentingmefor effectively ending his career.

There’s just no clear answer, which is why I’m squeezing the fuck out of this crystal, trying to absorb some of that clarity it’s known for manifesting.

The bells over the door jingle, and I drop the quartz into my pocket as I plaster on a smile and look up to greet my customer. My fake smile morphs into a real one when I see Keegan’s grinning face.

“Good morning,” I say as she approaches.

“And just how good is it?” she shoots back, waggling her eyebrows for good measure.

She knows I had a date with Gavin last night, and she’s obviously thirstier for some juicy details than for the coffee. Waving her over to our usual table, I whip up two mochas before carrying them over to join her.

“Tell me everything,” she says excitedly before my butt even hits the chair.

“He took me to Vincenzo’s,” I say, and she nods.

“Solid choice.”

“It would’ve been, but we didn’t eat. We left before ordering.”

“What? Why? Did something happen?”

“Kind of,” I say, running a fingertip around the rim of my mug. “He ended up saying some things about our past. Things that somehow managed to heal whatever was left of the hurt I was holding onto. I told him I wanted to leave, and when we got into the car, I kissed him and told him to take me straight to his bed.”

“Holy shit,” Keegan says with wide eyes, drawing out the words on a long exhale. Then she shakes her head as if to clear it and gives me a bright grin. “You go, girl. How was it?”

“Better than I expected,” I murmur, and she arches a blonde brow at me, making me huff. “Okay, fine. I expected it to be hot as fuck, but Gavin outperformed even my best, dirtiest fantasies. Are you happy?”

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