Page 50 of Chase

“Yes, my beautiful girl,” I reply with a smile, staring at her for a moment before everything comes back to haunt me. “Beauty is a funny thing, don’t you think? Stella will always be beautiful, even when she’s old. Dogs never lose their ability to make youlove them.”

“I sense we’re about to get deep, Izzy,” she says so softly, I remain in my trance, still thinking about it all.

“When Theo left for the States, I lost myself in drink. It won’t surprise you to know that my parents had quite the wine collection, as well as my mother’s personal supply of vodka. Things turned bleak for me when he left, but no matter how bad things got, I held onto the hope that he’d come back for me. Weeks turned into months, months turned into years, and I heard nothing. I would dream about it, him walking through my bedroom door to save me.”

“Save you from what, Izzy?” she asks, the concern more than evident in her voice.

“From the loneliness…the ugly in me,” I reply cryptically.

“Ugly? You are one of the most beautiful women I’ve met in real life, Izzy, I would kill to look like you. Like, literally!” she says, her eyes bulging, so I offer a small smile.

“That’s what’s been said about many women over the centuries, only for them to be turned into cautionary tales. Medusa, for example. She was said to have been extremely beautiful, but where did it get her? Brutally raped, then punished for it. She was made into something so ugly, no one could ever love her again. And what became of him, the perpetrator? Absolutely nothing. And what’s more, it was a woman who judged her, condemned her, and ultimately destroyed her.”

“Jesus, Izzy, I wasn’t prepared for Ancient Greek myths this evening, but I can tell you this, you are not ugly or unlovable.”

“Perhaps not,” I sigh as I reach to the table to put my last glass down, no longer wishing to drink anymore. “But if it is whatI think of myself, I may as well be.”

“What happened, babe?” she says sadly, trying to move closer toward me, but I recoil, unable to stand human touch right now. Instead, I get to my feet and lie next to Stella who taps me with her paw at the same time as moaning for a belly rub.

“I’m damaged, Penny, seriously damaged. I might not have snakes for hair but trust me, I’m just as monstrous. If Theo knew the things I’d done, he’d probably run for the hills.”

“You know you can tell me anything and I wouldn’t think any differently of you. And I suspect, neither would Theo.”

“I can’t,” I whisper sadly, tears already running down my face, so she nods in acceptance. “I can’t even say it to myself, Pen.”

“I understand, Iz, but know that if you need anything, anything at all, you can always call me.

“Thank you,” I reply at the same time as I wipe away my tears, already knowing I won’t call her, or anyone. Not even Nonna; I learned to only depend on myself. “Anyway, how are things with you? Is it love with Jamie?”

“He’s a bit…clingy,” she says, purposefully trying to make me laugh with a theatrical grimace. “He is great for now, but I’m not sure I want to settle down and all. I’m only nineteen.”

“Nineteen, that’s a good age,” I reply, remembering that this was how old I was when I first began to feel safe again. My parents might not have given much of a shit about me, but they still gave me my university fund, so I moved across the country to study. “Not wanting to settle down is more than fair enough at your age, however, you have to be honest with him. Don’t string him along; that’s a horrible place to be in.”

“I’m going to see how our trip to Spain goes and then decide whether to stick with him or not,” she says with a small shrug, just as my phone beeps with a text message.

How are my girls? I miss you two. X

I smile, reading his words before writing an instant reply.

We’re good. She’s pining for you though. She knows who the soft touch is. X

Penny continues talking in the background about where she and Jamie are going to visit, but I’m far too distracted by Theo’s messages to take any real note.

Areyoupining for me? I was kind of hoping you were missing me too. X

“Who are you texting?” Penny asks in an amused tone of voice. “It’s him, isn’t it? Oh man, I knew you were falling for him!”

“What?!” I fake laugh. “We’re just texting, you crazy bitch.”

“I know that look, that gushy, ‘He text me, he text me!’goofy look,” she teases while pointing at me with a grin on her face. “You want him…bad!”

Panic begins to bubble up inside me when I realize she’s right. So, being the kind of messed up individual that I am, I text back something completely generic in an attempt to throw him off the scent.

I’m shattered. See you on Friday.

I feel utterly horrible for the emotionless message, but this is self-preservation; he is seriously beginning to break down mywalls. Besides Stella, I can’t let him or anybody else do that.

Theo

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