Page 78 of The Devil

It’s Wednesday night and I’ve been staying at Lucius’ apartment all week. He needs to be closer to his office and refuses to let me stay in the house alone. I had shown him the cigarette burns, six in total, as well as how my left little finger isn’t straight anymore. The years of cuts and bruises have thankfully healed over the years. The scars on the inside, however, will never completely disappear. Though, I’m hoping Lucius will help me try to make them as small as they can be. For that reason, I have decided not to put off the conversation about my pregnancy a moment longer. Sitting at the dining room table after a delicious meal, I brace myself for the talk I’m about to have with him.

“Speak,” Lucius says as I shuffle around in my seat. I smile over his ability to read me like a book.

“Hmm…Evan wasn’t the only possibility of being Jess’ father when I found out I was pregnant,” I blurt without even looking at him. When I eventually do, his expression is unchanged, but he leans slowly back into his chair, readying himself for what’s to come.

“Go on,” he says calmly.

“It was a couple of months after I came back from Spain when I found out.” I look up at him to see if he’s realized what I’m trying to say. I can see from his clenched jaw and tight lips, he has. He hisses his wine through his teeth, and I know that’s not a good sign. “I had used protection with both of you, so I couldn’t be sure who the father was.”

“What are you trying to say, Helena?” he asks with an undercurrent of rage running through his voice.

“My mother was with me when I found out about Jess, and she rang Dad who then rang Evan, naturally assuming it was his,” I explain. “They were both there when I got home. Evan was thrilled and said he would marry me, but I told them there and then, Lucius, I told them that you might also be the father. Evan said as soon as Jess was born, they would test her DNA and if she belonged to him, he would marry me. Dad said if I didn’t marry him, I would be on my own.”

I look up to see Lucius gripping onto his glass a little too tightly for comfort, his face remaining clenched, dark, and ominous.

“Did it ever occur to you to speak to me?” he asks, sounding almost too calm.

“I was going to,” I tell him, swallowing a lump of emotion when I think back to that day.

“But?” he growls impatiently.

“But he told me you had met someone, that it was serious, and I shouldn’t upset things until I knew for certain. Lucius, I would never have told Evan if it had been up to me,” I rush out, “my whole life had been turned upside down and I had been given minutes to think about it before people started making decisions for me. I was confused, heartbroken, and being coerced into marrying someone I didn’t love.”

“Did you love me?” he asks, and I nod slowly with tears now running down my face. “Yet you decided to keep me in the dark?”

“I know and I’m sorry. I was young and in love with someone who had seemingly moved on after breaking my heart for the second time. I didn’t know how to tell you. Do you think I would still make the same choices now?” He merely shrugs his shoulders, frustrating me beyond words. “Jesus, Lucius, it’swhyI am telling you now!”

“I take it the DNA test showed Evan to be the biological father?” he asks.

“Yes, Evan brought the letter around to show us; I think I still have it in Jess’ baby things,” I tell him with a sad sigh.

“Good,” he says; the one word feeling akin to a knife being inserted directly through my heart. “I think it might be best if you stay in the guest bedroom tonight.”

I stare at him, feeling completely gutted by his reaction, but he merely gets up and turns to walk back into his room. He then slams the door, the sound making me jump in my seat. With nothing else to do other than sit here and cry with disappointment, I begin to clear up robotically, trying to ignore the stupid tears gushing down my cheeks. My shell has become a little emptier again.

In the morning, I begin to pack up my bag and then check the time to see if it is too early to call Cameron so I can tell him I’ll be a little late for work today. I need to go home. I’ve already spent years in a toxic environment full of hate; I can’t do it anymore.

When I walk out into the living room, Lucius is already dressed for work and putting on his coat. He notices me and my packed bag and laughs.

“Where are you going, Topolina?” he asks with a familiar smug expression. “You running out on me again?”

“I’m not running anywhere, Lucius,” I reply with confidence and formality. “I’m merely going home.”

“Did you not expect me to react the way that I did? Did you not expect me to be angry with the woman who claimed to love me, yet didn’t trust me enough to tell me about a potential baby?” he says as he begins walking toward me. He lifts my chin to look into his eyes, but I pull away. “You knew I would be upset,” he whispers.

“I knew you would have been angry back then too,” I explain, “it’s part of the reason I didn’t tell you. You wouldn’t have wanted a child; you made that clear last night.”

“That wasn’t your choice to make,” he says firmly, “you should have told me and let me decide.”

“I couldn’t have taken it if I had told you and you had pushed me and your unborn child away,” I argue. “But I swore to Jess, when she was born, that if you were her father, I was going to track you down and make you have some part in her life. She is the most important thing to me, Lucius, and if you can’t accept that, then this is one huge mistake.”

“You never gave me the option to push you away, you took that away when you decided to keep quiet about it,” he says, and I can see the hurt and anger swimming in his eyes.

I sigh and begin to walk toward the door, but just before I reach the handle, he takes hold of my hand and pulls me back, placing his forehead against mine.

“You fucking kill me, woman,” he pushes out through clenched teeth, “why couldn’t you have just told me how you felt on that boat?”

“Because you weretheLucius Hastings, the cold-hearted asshole who placed bets on taking away a girl’s virginity.” He looks at me, not realizing I knew that’s why his whole chase began. Merial had received a text from Eric not long after I had returned home; he’d sounded bitter. I guess they didn’t stay friends after that. “I thought I was just a game to you; I was never meant to fall for you.”

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