Page 63 of The Devil

“I don’t exactly have a lot of choice in the matter,” I sob, feeling full of shame.

“You mean he’s forcing you?” She jumps up in horror and disgust. It makes me feel all kinds of dirty and degenerate, as thoughIam the one committing the abuse.

“I don’t know anymore,” I murmur with a sad shrug. “It’s just expected and if I put up any kind of argument, I guess he just takes it anyway.”

“Oh God, oh God, oh God!”

She holds me tight, bursting into tears alongside me. Mom’s already weeping in the background, having heard it all before. I know I’m making it hard for her, and I know how much she wants to tell someone, but I still refuse to tell my brothers and father about it; I will not risk losing my daughter. Evan has made it abundantly clear that even if he couldn’t obtain Jess legally, he would take her anyway. I have no doubt that he could. Ironically, Lucius has always been seen as the ‘devil’, but my father’s golden boy is turning out to be more evil than anyone I know. He’s a monster and I’m married to him.

That happened before I lost Cameron, and with him, Nate, to a certain extent. Jess was about a year old when we were all staying at my parents’ place for Christmas. Cam had brought his first ever girlfriend back and seemed happy with her. Perhaps not head-over-heels happy, but content, nonetheless. Evan took to flirting with her without any kind of subtlety, though my father seemed to not notice. Either that, or he refused to. Unfortunately, she lapped up the attention and they ended up on the living room couch in the middle of the night, feeling one another up and whatever else they could do. Cam, being a forever night owl, caught them in the act. He, understandably, went ballistic and wanted to get Dad up to prove what a piece of shit my husband is. Little did he realize that Evan had pulled me aside to remind me of the photos he had of me with Nate and a joint in my hand. A silent threat to pull me and my brother into submission. I begged Cameron to let it go, for Jess’ sake, which he did, though I paid the price of his silence by losing our close relationship. We’ve barely spoken since.

Thankfully, Evan got sloppy. He had gambling debts, and involvement with drugs, and was frequenting strip clubs and other shady places. When I saw it was having an effect on Jess, I found the courage to throw him out, and finally, divorce him. After all, she was the only reason I was married to him in the first place. He could no longer prove he was the more stable parent. I did nothing but visit my mother and take care of Jess; there was nothing he could prove. As for taking her, I no longer believed he cared enough to do that. However, by then, it was too late; he’d already succeeded in breaking me.

Lucius

“Merial, get your ass over to my office now!” I bark down the phone. “I need answers and I need them now.”

“Evening, Lucius, always nice to be ordered around by you,” she says sarcastically, “to what are you referring to exactly?”

“Helena!”

“Oh,” she says, sounding suddenly more alert.

“Yes,oh! I saw her today.” I clench my teeth over the memory of her words, her ghostly expression, and her fear. “I need to know what on earth happened to her.”

“Ok, ok, I’ll be about half an hour, but Lucius?”

“What?” I snap, my impatience beginning to get the better of me.

“You’re not going to like it.”

Forty-five minutes later and I’m still pacing around my office. My fingers are twitching, and I’ve already yelled at four assistants in the last two hours. When I’m about ready to wreck my office again, Merial bursts through my door, panting heavily, sounding like she’s just run from one end of the city to the other. A normal person would offer her a drink, ask after her family, or perhaps give her five minutes to get her breath back, but I don’t have the reputation I have for being a ‘normal’ person.

“Evening,” she says in greeting, but I merely glare at her. “Ok, then,” she says to herself before taking a seat in front of my mahogany desk.

“Talk,” I order with a scowl.

“First of all, I’m only here for her sake, you can crawl back to hell as far as I’m concerned; you don’t scare me, Hastings. Secondly, you told me not to ever mention her name in your presence, so I only did what you demanded. And finally, I begged you to save her before it was too late and I believe your exact words were,‘She made her bed, now she can fucking live in it’.”

“I am well aware of what I said.” I speak low and slow, trying really hard not to lose my shit. “What the hell happened to her?”

“You abandoned her, Lucius,” she says plainly, looking right at me. “Evan turned out to be the real monster. He was the bad guy, the bully, and the abuser. I’ve had to watch her wither and die over years of abuse from that man. I won’t go into details; it’s not my story to tell, but you can imagine.”

I sit back slowly in my chair, with my hand clasped over my mouth, feeling ready to kill. Merial, thankfully, heeds my mood and remains silent. Ever so slowly, I get up and walk over to the wall of windows and lean against the coolness of the glass. Anger, like no other I’ve ever experienced, is swirling deep inside of me, ready to surface in a spectacular way. When it does, it will be a destructive force for anyone who comes in its path.

“Did her family know?” I ask as calmly as I can.

“Apart from her mother, no,” she replies. “He threatened to take Jess away, so she only confided in me and her mother. It was only when he became heavily involved in drink, women, and gambling, that she believed she could safely end the marriage without fear of losing her.”

I remain silent for a while, trying to calm my thoughts, process this information, and stop myself from tearing up my office again. I feel Merial’s eyes on me, taunting me with her accusatory body language.

“I want her address,” I demand.

She smirks while staring at me but remains silent. She doesn’t attempt to speak until she sees me getting ready to lose my shit with her.

“Lucius, I’m not giving you Jack unless you promise me you won’t fuck around with her this time. She’s damaged now; do you really think you can handle that?”

“Give.Me.Her.Address!” I demand a second time, ignoring the pain of my teeth clenching together. Merial studies me for a few moments, assessing whether she can trust me.

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