Page 18 of The Devil

Courage, Helena, courage!

Chapter 10

Helena

After proving to be a “thoroughly useless shopping companion”, Meri leads the way to the food court so we can grab lunch and a quick catch-up before her gaggle of friends arrives. During my tour of Meri’s favorite stores and boutiques, I’ve remained quiet, purposefully avoiding her questions about what she saw between Lucius and me. I’ve also managed to avoid giving any kind of meaningful comments about the various outfits she’s shown, for in all honesty, I have no idea what is considered fashionable. What I deem to be trendy back in my hometown, Meri considers drab. She found my cluelessness amusing, but my silence over Lucius is telling; she knows something is up. I can feel her staring at me all the while I play with my food.

“You ok, chick?” she eventually asks, trying to sound cool about it, but I can tell she’s concerned about me. It’s as clear as day in her voice. “Was Lucius being an ass again?”

“No…well…no,” I reply, shaking my head over how to answer that question. “I’m sure he was just being him.”

“Do you want me to ask Mom to talk to Paul about it? I’m worried about how much you stay in. It’s not healthy, Hels. Then whenever I see you with him, you seem to fall into a funk; you look like you’re overthinking more than usual.” I stifle a smile over her description, for I cannot argue with it. “Please let me help you,” she says, taking my hand and smiling back at me.

For all her cliché American teenage ‘It’ girl habits, no one can deny how caring she is, especially towards me, her dowdy cousin. It makes me feel suddenly guilty for dissing her lifestyle habits, even if only in my head.

“No, don’t say anything. He’s just playing with me; I’m sure he does it with lots of girls.” I shrug as I slurp on my drink to try and make it appear less than it is.

“What do you mean?” she asks, ignoring my attempt to downplay it all. “What’s he doing exactly?”

“It’s kind of embarrassing, I’d really rather not.” I blush, but from the look she’s giving me, I’m not going to get away with keeping quiet about this one.

“Oh, come on, I’m your cousin, your closest female family member,” she says with a cheeky grin, but I guess she’s right. Mom, Jen, and my grandmother are parental figures, and my other cousin, Ellie, is even younger than Nate. Meri is the only relative who is the same age as me. “You have to tell me! You also need to gossip, eat junk, talk about boys, and generally be a teenager. It is what we are after all. I know you enjoy acting like a middle-aged recluse, but you’re in the mall with me right now. When in Rome and all that.”

I continue playing with my food while offering her a tight-lipped smile. I don’t know how to do the whole girlfriend thing. Most of my friends are adults; I feel more at ease with them, always have done. When the toddlers at pre-school were playing house with each other, I was sitting with the teachers, asking them questions about their families and what they had done at the weekend. I was the weird little kid who no doubt got talked about after hours by the teachers who were all trying to figure me out with their colleagues.

“Ok,” Meri says abruptly, thus interrupting my thoughts, “what if I tell you a little secret about me? Would that make you open up?” I look at her, appearing half-interested, which is enough to convince her to carry out her suggestion. “I slept with David the other night…at the party.”

“David?” I ask, momentarily trying to work out who David is. “Do you mean your friend’s ex-boyfriend?” She nods her head, wincing, though it is an unconvincing look of remorse if ever I saw one. My eyes bulge at the same time as I drop my mouth open in shock. “Meri! Wh-why would you do that?”

“Because I’ve loved him for, like, ever!” She slumps in her chair, obviously feeling a little bad, though perhaps not as much as she should. “Scarlet never liked him like I do, she was always messing around behind his back. But now he wants to be with me and out in the open. What the hell do I do?”

“Er…talk to Scarlet maybe?” I offer. “Course, you should have done that before you went to bed with him.” She sheepishly drops her eyes to the floor while I think on it for a moment or two. “Actually, maybe leave out the part about sleeping with him. Just explain how you feel about him. What else can you do?”

She nods disappointedly but is quick to perk up, looking hungry with anticipation.

“Ok, now your turn!” she says with excitement in her voice and a toothy grin on her face.

At first, I sigh, wondering what to say, or indeed, where the hell to start. In fact, I open my mouth to start explaining several times before closing it again without having said anything at all. After a while, she rolls her eyes with impatience.

“Oh, come on! It can’t be any worse than what I’ve just admitted to.” That’s debatable, it is Lucius after all.

“Lucius, well, he kind of told me he wants to sleep with me by the end of the summer. He thinks I’m going to come willingly, after which, I will be ‘his’ because I’ve given him my virginity… or something.” I shrug it off like it’s nothing weird when actually, it totally is.

“Erm…that’s…that’s…”

As she falters over her words, she looks into the distance as though she’s really thinking deeply about it.

“Intense? Creepy? Possessive? Fucked up?” I offer.

“Hot!” She smiles like the Cheshire cat, looking both devilish and intrigued.Oh, brother! I roll my eyes at her in despair; so much for the women’s liberation movement. “Think about it, Hels, he’s the hottest property around and he’s totally hooked on you. Trust me, he doesn’t give any girl the time of day and now he’s wanting to have you, own you, or some shit like that? That’s sexy as fuck, if you ask me.”

“Do you hear yourself, Meri? First of all, he is not ‘hooked’ on me, this is just a game to him. I am merely his prey. Secondly, just because he’s pretty to look at doesn’t, mean I should automatically drop my panties for him. And finally, you’ve been warning me away from him ever since I got here. Now you think I should give it up to him?”

“What can I say? I’m shallow and fickle,” she says with a theatrical bat of her eyelids before slurping down the pink, syrupy crap from her throw-away cup. Said cup comes complete with a fluorescent straw with rainbows printed all over it. Says it all, really. After I contemplate how very superficial her life is, we both giggle at one another. I think she’s superficial whereas she considers me old and frumpy, but we kind of work together. After a while, she looks at me with a much more serious expression, so I brace myself for what she’s about to say.

“Maybe you should live a little, Hels? Stop being a spinster and all that. It doesn’t have to be with Lucius; I admit, he’s heartbreak through and through, but maybe give someone a chance?”

I shrug non-committedly. I’ve never been remotely interested in anyone, which is why Lucius is particularly dangerous. I feel like he would break me, and I’d have to live with the pain of it for the rest of my life.

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