Page 83 of The Devil

“Don’t mention it to anyone, even Lily. She’s still worried about how much alcohol she consumed at our wedding,” he laughs.

“Oh, God, congratulations, you big idiot!” I’ve started crying again, but at least they’re happy tears. “Great, I’m going to look like an even bigger shitty mother to Dad now. You’ve gone and done it theconventionalway.”

“Oh, Hels, stop! I always thought you were so amazing at looking after Jess as well as you have, especially under such difficult circumstances. She’s a great kid and that’s all on you, no one else. Not Evan, not Lucius, you!”

“I guess,” I grumble with a sullen shrug. “I just wish I could make this all go away. Seriously, it’s been going on for years.”

"Trust me,” he says with confidence, “when Lily and I are run ragged, chasing a toddler around, you and Jess will be looking on smugly, with or without Lucius Hastings. Now, go and get that letter so you can prove to the bastard that you were just as deceived as he was.”

Lucius

Hours after storming away from Helena’s house that sits in the middle of nowhere, I find myself slumping in front of my living room window that overlooks the city, brooding over the motherfucker of a situation I’ve just found myself in. The only thing stopping me from ripping my apartment to shit is the burn of liquor I’m currently pouring down my throat. I’m trying to feel the buzz of the alcohol, but I’m so mad, I can’t get past it. The lights flicker during rush hour traffic, and I wonder what my Topolina is doing right now. I don’t know who I’m angrier with at this moment in time; all I can see is red-hot rage in front of me.

I never wanted children; they seem like too much responsibility for too little reward from what I have witnessed over the years. Every parent is flawed but somehow needs to show they are infallible to their light and joy, otherwise, they fuck them up. But to know that some asshole took my Helena away from me by taking my child at the same time is a major kick in the teeth. To add insult to injury, she never even trusted me to tell me about any of it, she just assumed Evan was the lesser of two evils. Showed what she fucking knew. I’m better off out of it. I’ve never pretended to be anything other than a self-centered asshole, so why let anyone think otherwise.

“Why are you here?” I growl from my position in front of the window. “And how the fuck did you get in?”

I know it’s her without even turning around to face the figure lingering by the door. I’ve always been able to sense when she is near, we’re much too connected to not know when the other is within touching distance.

“You gave me a key when I stayed here, remember?” she says quietly, though she also sounds determined, resolute, and justified, not the apologetic, quivering mess I thought she’d be when she finally spoke to me. I smile into my glass, feeling a little proud of the fiery attitude I’ve encouraged her to bring back.

“Just one of the many mistakes I’ve made over the last few weeks,” I reply cruelly.

“If you want to hate me and make me the cause of all your misery, I’m fine with that,” she says with a voice that sounds ready to strike. “But like it or not, you have a daughter, and she is distraught right now. I’ve only dragged my ass over here for her sake. It takes two to make a baby, Lucius.”

“She’ll soon realize that life is full of disappointment,” I reply coldly as I lift my glass to my lips, polishing off the last drops of liquor. “Just keeping it real for her.”

“Your ability to not give a shit no-matter-what never fails to disappoint, Lucius,” she says bitterly.

She takes a few steps forward before finally turning to face me. I look at her, she’s still beautiful, even with her puffy red eyes, messy hair, and an expression of pure rage. She reminds me of her former self, and it fucking kills me.

“Here,” she says, slapping a piece of paper on the table in front of me, “this is the paper copy of the results Evan gave to me when Jess was a newborn. It’s dated, so you can see I haven’t made it up or created it for your benefit. I was lied to, Lucius, just like you.” She doesn’t take her eyes away from my steely ones, instead, she stands tall and proud. “But unlike you, I had to live through abusive shit for years while I took care of our daughter. I was robbed of those years too, but I don’t blameyoufor any of it. At least you got to live instead of just existing.”

I take a glance at the paper but refuse to look at it properly; maybe I don’t want to be proven wrong. I don’t say anything, and I don’t move, prompting her to narrow her eyes in disgust. She lets out a long sigh, looks to the ceiling in frustration, and begins to walk away.

“Where is she now?” I ask with a much softer voice.Do I care?

“She’s with Lily and Cameron, so she’s safe.” She pauses for a response that never comes. “I’m going to leave her there until tomorrow evening; give her some space.” Still, I stubbornly say nothing, which only exasperates her even more. “Look at the paper or not. I’m done explaining myself to self-important men who think they can look down their noses at me. Thanks for everything, Lucius, but especially for giving me Jess.”

The only movement I make after that is a flinch of my tired muscles when she slams the door shut. Gone…again.

Helena

I take a deep breath as I walk into Lily and Cameron’s house. It’s late and Jess is already in bed, apparently exhausted from camp. However, I know it’s more to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to see me yet. I guess I need to make my peace with that for the moment. If I need to be the baddie for her, the one to blame, I can be that for now. But even so, I feel like the fallen woman walking into the pit of judgment all over again. Fortunately, however, when I enter their kitchen, it’s just Mom, Lily, and Meri, three women who are on my side at least.

“Helena,” Mom calls to me before grabbing me in a hug only a mom can give you. “Well, here we are again. You know you are stronger now; you can handle this, baby.”

“I know, Mom-” I begin but she takes hold of my hands and cuts me off.

“No, wait, Helena, let me finish, please?” she says with her eyes becoming glazy, which only causes mine to do the same. “I’ve kept quiet for far too long. I tried to convince myself that it was to keep you safe and respect your wishes, but deep down, I knew it was cowardice. I’ve been so afraid of losing you, Helena, you and Jess.”

“Mom, you’ve had your own heartache,” I try to soothe her; I can never bear it when I see my mother cry, not since the day she was broken by my father’s infidelity.

“I know, but I’m your mother,” she says sadly, “and when I held you in my arms for the first time, I promised to protect you no matter what. I haven’t kept that promise, Helena, and for that, I’m so sorry.”

“Mom,” I sigh to try and ward off a whimper that’s caught in my throat. “We’ve both made mistakes as mothers, all of us do without meaning to. But knowing you’re always here for me is enough, Mom, it’s always been enough.”

“You want to fight this alone, don’t you, my brave girl?” she says with a proud smile.

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