Page 72 of The Devil

Helena

Hours later, and I’ve just read aloud the most recent letter from Evan, demanding that he see both me and Jess at a location of my choosing. He says I can bring my mother with me, seeing as he will be bringing his to look after Jess while we try to talk things out. To, ‘at the very least’, make arrangements for him to see Jess on a regular basis. He’d rather we didn’t involve lawyers because ‘they will only suck up all our money’ when ‘we can easily sort this out ourselves.’ Being in prison has apparently made him consider his treatment of me and how much he still cares about me. He wants us to reconcile and to ‘try again’ for Jess’ sake, as well as ‘for the love we once shared.’ The whole thing makes me feel sick and want to hide under the covers, but instead, I snuggle into the wall of muscle next to me. The thought of being with Evan again, even in the same room, makes my heart thump at a rapid pace, so much so, it hurts.

“Over my dead body!” Lucius says with an eerie tone of voice, and with every muscle tensing under the strain of his rage.

“Jess doesn’t want to see him anyway,” I add, “but I know Evan, he’s not going to let it drop.”

“You don’t need to worry about that anymore, baby girl,” he says, stroking my hair as I cuddle into his chest. “He’ll be lucky if he lives that long.”

I laugh over his threat, but it quickly dies out when I see the expression on his face; I’m not entirely convinced he’s joking.

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh again,” he whispers, “I’ve missed it.”

“Me too,” I reply, “and I’ve missed lying with someone who cares about me.”

“Helena, do your father and brothers know about what happened? Merial told me your mother knows, but what about them?” he asks and I sigh because I know he won’t like the answer.

“No, what’s the point?” He holds my hand and begins to study it as if in deep contemplation, his way of telling me to elaborate without using actual words. “Things between me and them haven’t been the same since I found out I was pregnant. I am the black sheep who brought Lily’s attacker into their lives. I’m the one who chose a raping monster over my brother. I’m the one who got herself pregnant and disappointed my father all those years ago. I’ve made my peace with it and convinced my mother not to say anything because perhaps I haven’t forgiven them for not believing in me. Only Lily could see what was happening to me without me having to tell her. To them, I was just a mousey wife who followed her husband obediently, no matter what he did.” I laugh to myself over my own words. “I guess that’s what I was, in the end. But it was never my choice to be with him.”

“Hmm,” he says, and I know he’s brooding over this, which probably means this won’t end well at some point in the future. “I contacted Cameron shortly after our weekend in Spain, did he tell you?”

I spin around to face him, shocked over this new piece of information.

“No, he never said a word,” I utter as his expression turns thunderous.

“I told him that I needed to contact you,” he says tightly, “that I needed to see you.”

“What did he say?” I ask with anger simmering deep inside of me; this could have changed everything.

He sighs as though it was a recent, hurtful memory still whirling around inside his head.

“He said you were officially with Evan and that you were happy,” he says, swallowing hard, “that if I really cared for you, I’d leave you alone. So, I did.”

“Lucius, I was never happy with Evan,never!”

I draw back a long breath, ready to tell him everything that led to my marriage to such a monster. It might be a huge mistake to explain that I didn’t tell him about the pregnancy when I didn’t know who the father was, but I feel I owe it to him. I open my mouth to begin, but he stops me by placing his index finger to my lips.

“Not now, Helena,” he whispers with a soft smile. “I don’t want to feel angry when I’ve only just got you back. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. We have forever to talk about such things.”

Perhaps I’m being a coward, but I give in and lie back against his chest, holding him close so he can’t get away from me ever again. My empty shell is not yet full, but it is no longer completely hollow either. I know why Cameron did what he did, but I can’t understand why he didn’t tell me. Perhaps he was angry with me for even associating with Lucius in the first place, or maybe my father told him my entire predicament about not knowing who the father was. Perhaps they both decided Evan was the best choice between them.

I continue to ponder on this when I feel Lucius twisting around and fumbling with something on my bedside table.

“Is this Jess?” he asks quietly, clutching hold of a picture of us both when she turned eleven. I look up and smile at my daughter with pride.

“Yep, that’s her.”

“She’s beautiful,” he says, still studying it, “just like her mother. In fact, I can’t see anyone but you in her. Believe me, that’s a good thing. Well, up until she starts meeting boys that is.”

“She started falling in love with boys from about ten years old,” I tell him with a sigh. “She must have both her uncles in her. I didn’t notice boys until I met some cocky bastard in San Francisco.”

“Oh, really? He must have been quite something,” he says, playing along, “must have been extremely attractive.”

“Yeah, pity he was an asshole,” I tease.

“Bet he was good in bed,” he continues, “bet he knew all the moves.”

“Well, he was ok, very attentive, good with his fingers and tongue, but…” I begin but then pause for dramatic effect. “He turned out to have one of those micro penises. Imagine my shock and horror!” I laugh as he grabs hold of me and spins me underneath him in a playful manner.

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