Page 29 of The Devil

“Oh, ok, don’t worry then,” I begin as I make to stand, ready to head back inside.

“Come over, Hels, party for once. Be wild and stupid…shock us!” His offer sounds daring but a house full of high schoolers and Cam’s old high school crew doesn’t exactly make me feel desperate to go.

“Mm, maybe,” I mumble, ignoring the long sigh he’s emitting over the phone. He’s already given up on me going. He’s probably right to. “Listen, do you remember Mason’s friend, Evan?”

“Yes,” he says in a drawn-out way but offers nothing more than that.

“Turns out he goes here,” I explain to my less-than-helpful brother. “He asked me for a drink, but one of my friends said he was a bit of an asshole. What are your thoughts?”

“Can’t say I really hung out with him.”Again, ever so unhelpful. “But Mason thinks he’s great…actually, maybe that’s a good reasonnotto hang out with him.” He laughs at the same time as I tut. “I don’t know, give it a go. What do you have to lose?”

“I don’t know.” I begin to chew anxiously on my fingernail. “I’m not sure I really like him in that way, and I don’t want to lead him on or anything.”

“Jeez, it’s a drink, Helena,” he laughs, “not a proposal of marriage. Give it a go. Be rebellious, go wild, and stop listening to that inner-Dad voice inside your head.”

“Easy for you to say, brother, you and Nate were always allowed to do whatever the hell you wanted…still are. Do you know he asks me every week if I have a boyfriend? Which you know is code for,‘Have you hooked up with anyone?’Mom won’t leave the room when I speak to him on the phone anymore in case he gets even more inappropriate. Oh, and I still get the‘Remember, Helena, a girl’s reputation sticks around with her forever’speech.”

“Oh, Jesus,” he half sighs, half laughs. “Tell him the fifties want their spokesperson back. Helena, you know the man’s a fossil, so think about what you want and just go for it. It’s the twenty-first century and you know he’s talking out of his old-fashioned ass. Go for the drink or come to the party but do something!”

“I’ll think about it. Ok, I’m going to risk it and go back in. Wish me luck!”

“Good luck!” he sings songs. “Oh, and Hels?”

“Yeah?” I reply, freezing my grip on the door handle.

“See you tomorrow!” he laughs.

“We’ll see; bye, Cam.”

I can’t sleep. To be fair, it’s virtually impossible for anyone to sleep with Meri’s boyfriend sounding like a freight train coming at full speed toward you. I don’t know how she does it. I begin to count between his snores, getting momentarily frustrated when he breaks the pattern. I huff, puff, and blow out in exaggerated breaths, contemplating going for a cup of tea down at the café. The last time I did that, Meri lectured me on my personal safety, informing me that the weirdoes are out at this time of night. She also called Jen, who called my dad, who then lectured me every day for a week after. But given my current state of agitation, it might be worth it.

With nothing else to do, I reach inside my bedside cabinet to try and find a book to read, or at least my mp3 player so I can listen to something other than heavy snoring. It might be the only thing that stops me from going over to smother him with my pillow. However, when I reach inside, the very first thing I touch is the small white card that Lucius had left me with at the airport over a year ago. The day my heart shriveled up and died with him stomping all over it.

I can only just make out the black lines and swirls of his handwritten word in the moonlight that is streaming through my bedroom window. I can’t sleep in complete blackness, not even with a migraine, it makes me panic. Speaking of which, they’ve been a nightmare recently. I’ve been getting at least three a month. Mom made me go to the doctor but we both agreed it was stress induced. Clutching this little reminder of Lucius is tempting another one, but I can’t seem to stop staring at it. I wonder if he ever thinks about me, even just a little bit.

“Psst, Helena?” Meri whispers over to me and I laugh.

“Why are you whispering, you nut? Apart from your bear of a boyfriend, everyone is up.” She sighs before coming over and crawling into bed next to me. She makes an ‘mmm’ noise; my bed must seem huge after sharing with David, who is both tall and broad, and often has his limbs flopping all over the place.

“I’m sorry,” she says and holds my hand. I don’t mind really, she’s like the sister I never had. I’m close to both my brothers but I’ve always felt like they shared a relationship I could never have, simply because I’m a girl and they’re veryguyguys.

“I don’t mind,” I reply with a giggle. “But I’m going to give you guys some space tomorrow. I’m going to head home and spend some time with Cam and Nate.”

“You don’t have to, Hels,” she says as she turns and brushes my hair out of the way, only so she doesn’t choke on it. “Jeez, now I feel like I’m pushing you out of your own place.”

“Not at all,” I reassure her. “I kind of want to go and see my brothers. I haven’t seen them in ages.”

She slumps her shoulders, physically relaxing with relief. A moment later, she’s scrunching up her eyes, focusing on the card that I’m still stupidly holding up in the moonlight.

“Oh, Hels, is that what I think it is? When are you going to let me burn that thing? It’s like your own little weapon of self-torture!”

I quickly stuff it under my pillow and shake my head, feeling embarrassed for keeping it. Ishouldlet her burn it, but I can’t seem to let it go. She’s right; it is self-torture.

“I didn’t mean to reach for it, it was just a moment of weakness,” I try to convince her. “Besides, I met a guy who I used to go to school with today, not to mention Jet and I kissed.”

“What?!” She jumps up to lean onto her elbow, eyeing me with a face-splitting grin. “Deets. Now!”

“It was nice, really nice, but…”

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