“Hey, Owen?” I call before I’ve even really thought about it. The hulking figure turns to face me with a frown. “Here!” I throw Eric’s damn keys over to him, which being the epitome of a cool, hardened ex-criminal with cat-like reflexes, he catches one-handed. “Enjoy the new ride!”
Helena
Walking into the airport ‘Departures’ building, I try to perk up by reminding myself that I am going home and will be seeing my family. I’ve also made plans to revamp my life. I’m going to finish high school, apply to colleges that are a little further afield so I can move out, learn a language, and spend at least one summer abroad. Yes, life is working out and it’s all going to be great. My attempts to be positive must be pretty piss poor because both Jen and Meri are giving me a look of severe pity. A look that says, ‘tread carefully before she crumbles.’
True to his word, Lucius was nowhere to be seen this morning. By the time I came downstairs, his Maserati was gone and so were his jacket and sunglasses. I read his message loud and clear, the one that said, ‘I fucked you like I said I would, so now I’m moving on to the next unsuspecting virgin.’ I almost feel sick over my complete naivety and inability to distinguish between genuine feelings and, let’s face it, an asshole with the emotional depth of a pile of puke.
Meri, bless her sweet penchant for sniffing out gossip, had tried to probe me about what went down between us, but I just shook it off and put on a practiced fake smile. I’ve been doing this my entire life. Normally I’m an expert at acting the happy daughter, sister, whatever. However, I could tell Meri wasn’t buying it at all. Not only has Lucius taken my heart and my virginity, but he also refuses to let me pretend when it comes to him. I need to get away from him, as in get-on-this-plane-and-fly-hundreds-of-miles-away from him.
When we reach passport control, the swarms of people trying to bottleneck through are overwhelming, so I urge Meri and Jen to go and let me wait it out alone. It’s a beautiful day and who wants to be stuck in a busy airport with screaming toddlers and impatient tourists? It doesn’t take them long to concede; I’m pretty sure they could sense my wanting to be alone anyway.
Jen hugged me goodbye first, then Meri. She held onto me extra hard and for an extra-long time. I’m going to miss her, but we agreed to speak at least once a week and to compare colleges. Who knows? We may even choose to go to the same one. The relationship we’ve built over this summer has perhaps been the one good thing to have come out of this trip. I’ve never had a close girlfriend before; it only took me seventeen, nearly eighteen years to gain one. Being cousins just makes it even more special; we’ll be forced to keep this friendship, to hold on and never let it slip away. I suspect half of her current friends will do this when they spread out across the country to attend college. Though, as my new best friend, she can instantly read me like a book.
“Oh, Hels, I told you to stay clear of him,” she whispers inside of my ear. “Are you really going to keep me hanging over what happened between you and Satan?”
“I’m fine, really, it was just a couple of dinners,” I lie. “Lucius can do whatever he wants, with whomever he wants.”
“Yeah, ok,” she mocks me, “I believe you. Millions wouldn’t, but I do.”
When she finally pulls away, she swipes a rogue tear away from my cheek, tutting as she does so. I wave goodbye before they both turn and walk toward the exit. I watch them go with a sense of relief. I want to have a little pity party for myself, even though all my brain is currently saying is,“Told you, told you, loser, loser!’ My brain can be the world’s biggest bitch sometimes. Let’s face it, no one knows how best to hurt you more than yourself.
Pulling up my big girl panties, I stand up straight and head toward the check-in desk, smiling at the woman with far too much makeup, and big, shiny white teeth. I don’t listen to even half the crap she’s telling me in parrot fashion, so when I eventually pull away and feel a hand grab me from behind, I have an irrational thought that security is accosting me for not listening properly. The hand pulls me back against them but before I can scream, I inhale and smell him, hear him breathing, and feel the outline of his chest as he leans in closer to me. I know it’s him, I know Lucius is standing right behind me, placing his forehead against the back of my head.
“Don’t turn around, mia topolina,” he whispers, “just let me feel you one last time before you go.”
Dazed, hurt, and confused, I stand silently, with my eyes closed and my erratic breathing causing a light-headed sensation. His forehead rubs up and down my head in small purposeful movements, like a wild lion nuzzling his mate. His breathing is deep, silent to the masses, but clear as a bell to me. His warm hand squeezes mine with possessiveness, and we stand like this for what feels like hours, though, it is probably more like a fleeting moment. Knowing that it eventually must end, and end soon, is playing on my mind like a black cloud threatening to spill.
When that moment eventually arrives, he slips something into my hand, takes one more breath, then pulls away, leaving me feeling bereft and hollow. My eyes shoot open, and I gasp over the sudden influx of noise re-entering my head like an unwelcome guest. Of course, when I’m brave enough to finally turn around, he’s already gone.
The object in my hand is a small white card, one that looks so familiar, it feels like an old friend. I slip it into my jacket and save it for later. I then shake it off and walk toward Passport Control where I begin the long wait to go through. It’s not until I’m sitting safely on the plane, taxiing for take-off, that I have to courage to look at it. The blank side stares up at me, and with trepidation, I turn it over, casting my eyes over the one word he’s written –Mine!
Part II – The Fallen Angel
“Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.”
- William Shakespeare
Chapter 13
Helena, Freshman year, College
“This band is pretty good,” I try to shout over the music to my friend and colleague, Jet, a guy who is as beautiful as Henry Golding and has a wicked sense of humor. What makes him lethal, however, besides beauty, brawn, wit, and intelligence, is the fact he has the biggest heart I know. He’s constantly surrounded by college girls, with each of them just wishing he might choose them to take out on a rare evening when he’s not working here. Meri once asked me if I would consider it if he ever asked me out. I had scoffed and told her not to be so ridiculous, that the guy literally has his pick of whichever girl he lays his eyes on. What I didn’t tell her is that he’s already asked me out. I had smiled awkwardly before letting him down gently.
Jet had taken it well, theatrically slamming the palm of his hand over where his heart rests beneath his beautifully tanned skin, then we both laughed about it.
“Let me know if you ever change your mind,” he had whispered before moving back into the throng of the audience to collect empties.
Truth be told, he reminded me too much of Lucius, perhaps in a more socially acceptable way, but they could easily be mistaken for brothers. And my poor, pathetic heart hasn’t got over him enough to look past the similarities. Besides, Jet deserves a girl who will love him without thoughts of the devil lurking around inside her head.
Speaking of which, not once has he tried to contact me, or even mentioned anything to Meri about me. I should know, we share a dorm room thanks to Paul’s rather large donation to the university, as well as his ability to pull a few strings in not only this state but also far beyond. I never asked her to tell me about Lucius, being stubborn to try and save the little bit of pride I have left when it comes to him, but she offered up the information anyway. In fact, she offered too much information, including the names of some of the girls he’s been rumored to have hooked up with. She was swiftly told to never mention his name to me again. She apologized, I wept a little, we hugged, and that was that.
That was at the beginning of the academic year, but now we’re nearing the end. I’ve survived my first college year living away from home, something both my father and I never expected to happen.
“Yeah, they cover some good songs, and not your modern shit either,” Jet says, leaning against the bar and he beginning to dry glasses fresh from the washer. “My dad used to listen to these songs back in the day.”
He grins casually my way, making a gaggle of Sophomores melt into a pool of goo over my shoulder.
“You mind if I head out with my camera? I’ll be ten minutes, tops.” I grab it from under the bar anyway because I already know he’ll say yes. It’s a quiet period; the band has just started playing the next set so most of the crowd is already refueled and listening intently to the cover band strumming away on their guitars.