Page 64 of The Wallflower

BEL

I haveto be in shock since I barely feel the cold night air as I rush through the crowded carnival and out the other side. My car is here, but I’m in no condition to drive, not when my hands shake and my stomach is an anxious knot. I'm so turned on right now I nearly moan as my thighs rub together with every step I take. The friction is enough to make me go off.

What is so wrong with me that I found that so erotic,soexciting? Drew calling me out on the fantasy makes it even worse.How does he know?And if he knows, do other people too? I was scared through it all, scared that someone would see us, that he'd do more at any second, but not scared ofhim, notwhen I should be.

With a stumble, I refocus my attention on walking.Fuck. I can't even think straight with his taste on my tongue and my body clenching around nothing, yearning for something I know I shouldn't want. People stroll past on the way to the carnival, and all I can think about is getting away from the scent of cotton candy and popcorn, and the sound of laughter and happiness. I just need to get away. Run home. Put some distance between us and everything else.

After tonight, I won't be able to look at myself or him the same. I can't believe I allowed this to happen. Why did I go through with it? I could have walked away, screamed,anything. He can try to force me in this world where he is king, but he won't actually succeed surrounded by people, not in today's world. I’m mortified that I let him degrade me like that and even more ashamed that I liked it.

I slow to get a better grasp on my breathing and body. He's just a man who pushes every single button I have, in both animosity and arousal. It’s getting hard to tell myself there isn’t something else here, something dark and sinister growing between us. He brings out the worst and best in me, and I want to revel in it. I want to let him own me. The person I was before him never would’ve gone out of her way to make a guy jealous. She never would’ve worn a dress like this. The old me is slowly being chipped away, revealing something I didn’t know even existed.

While I walk, I risk glancing behind me, even if I know I shouldn’t. It would appear I’ve gotten away scot-free since I don't catch sight of his towering silhouette in the dark, but just because I don’t see him doesn't mean he isn’t there.

God, I'm such an idiot.

Some of the heat in my body finally begins to fizzle out. It's not like he's said anything. It’s not like he cares, not past the point of me being an object he physically owns. He didn’t even say anything about me trying to make him jealous other than confessing that it worked. I bet he was only jealous because someone else was touching what’s his, not because he actually cares—which was the whole fucking point of the night. I want him to see me as a person. Instead, he saw the darkest parts of me. I huddle into myself and walk a little faster, the cold air sinking through my thin dress. The sidewalks are mostly empty. Everyone is either staying in for the night or already atthe carnival. A couple passes by me, and I avert my gaze to the ground.

If only I could get my brain to stop thinking about him. I'm so done with this bullshit hot-and-cold routine with him. I don’t ever know which side of him I’m going to get, and that’s just as frustrating. The dorms come into view after a short while, and I’m more than relieved. I march up the steps into the building and use my key card to get in. Once inside, I feel a little safer. At least he can’t get inside the building unless someone lets him in.

It only takes a few minutes to get up to the suite. Jack was at the carnival earlier and talked about shacking up with some football player, but I know she has an early lab class tomorrow morning, so she might be sleeping already. Possible but unlikely. Jack isn’t the type to pass up a party or moment to socialize.

By the time I make it to my room, my mind is still reeling. It feels like hours ago since I threw that baseball, and he pushed me to my knees on the Ferris wheel.

Quickly, I strip off my cross-body bag and toss it on the table. Then I brace my hands on the worn cheap wood. This isn't me. I need to get myself together and just stop thinking about it, about him.

I sit at the table and spread my fingers, digging in, focusing. Breathing. This is just a fling. It'll go away once he's done with me, tired of me. It’ll be just like what my dad did to my mother. Pretty little rich boys get tired of white trash, eventually. I grit my teeth and stand, unzipping the side of my dress before marching into my bedroom to grab my toiletry bag. A cold shower still sounds like the best idea.

Once I have my bag in hand, I exit back into the suite and connect my phone to the Bluetooth to turn on some music, hoping it will help me relax.

It takes me a moment to find a song before I hit play and slip in my earbuds. The noise canceling cuts out more often thannot, but right now, it's working, and I can't hear anything but the sweet tones of one of my favorite singers. Worth the weeks it took me to pay for these on the school marketplace.

I can already feel the tension easing, my muscles growing soft, my heart rate slowing. Music does that to me sometimes, that or a long session at the library. But now, every time I go to the library, all I think about is Drew.

Shit, I need a towel. I walk back out into the suite, making a beeline for my room, when a hand clamps over my mouth and pulls me backward into a solid chest. I'm lifted off my feet a second later, and I kick back at my assailant's legs, but every hit I make is dismal.

A scream clogs my throat, and my ears ring between the music and the erratic beat of my heart. The headphones tumble from my ears and hit the floor with sharp clicks. Teeth sink into the soft spot beneath my ear, and my body, still primed from earlier, grows hotter.

It takes a moment for my mind to catch up with what my body tells me. It's him.He's here.He broke in, and now he's going to take me. I don't know if I should scream and run, or beg him for it, beg him to stop this terrible ache he created. To ease me in a way I know only he can.

The more I struggle, the deeper his teeth cut into my skin. Pain sears my shoulder, and the sound of my scream filters into his big hand that's still clamped tight across the bottom of my face. He releases me from his teeth but not from his grasp.

"Good girl,” he grates into my ear. "Scream for me just like that."

I can feel him hard against my back as he hauls me toward the table in the middle of the room. My reprieve comes when I land against the wood flat on my belly. Before I can mutter a single word, he loops something into my mouth and ties it tight enough that it digs in at the corners. Oh mygod. The chase inthe woods felt absolutely insane, but this...it's something else entirely.

The need to draw blood and make him feel the same pain encompasses me. With my arms still free, I flail, reaching for him, and when my nails sink into his bare flesh, I sink them deeper before I drag them across his skin.

He lets out a hiss, the only sound of discomfort as he presses his body over mine, securing my hands under his, pinning me hard, his hips flush against mine.

“You’ll pay for that, flower.” He chuckles, his voice dark and smoky.

My legs tremble, and I can feel the evidence of my arousal dripping down my legs.

“Done screaming already? This doesn't do it for you, does it?"

My dress is shoved up to my back, my panties torn off in a rough jerk that I know will leave marks. He presses his hands against mine over the edge of the table. "Leave them there, or I’ll tie you up and leave you this way, so wet and needy you can barely think straight."

I clutch onto the table and squeeze my eyes shut to focus on the sensations. His calloused hand smooths over my bare ass, then his thumb dips into my crack, drifting lower and lower until he reaches that tight ring of muscles. Gentler than I anticipated, he prods against the hole until his thumb slips inside. The sensation is strange and a little uncomfortable.

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