Page 6 of The Wallflower

I don’t dare tell her what happened back in the library. Jackie’s the type that would tell me to go back inside and get his number. But I’m still glad to see her. Since day one, we’ve been friends and roommates, and she gives me balance when I need it.

I risk a glance behind me, then shake my head. “Nothing really, just stayed too long at the library. You know how I get immersed in my studies sometimes.”

She nods and smiles. "Let's get some dinner, and I can share with you the good news I got. I promise, you’ll want to hear it.”

I shouldn’t, but I take another peek behind me. The feeling of someone watching me lingers at the nape of my neck. When I look back, there are just normal students. No oversized assholes loom in the shadows.Then why do I still feel his eyes on me?I shiver and turn toward my car.

“Oh boy, I’m not sure I want to hear this,” I joke. “Let me drop my bag off in the car, and I’ll come with you.” Her gaze scans my oversized bag.

“Doesn’t that kill your shoulder? I mean, there’s probably at least fifteen or twenty pounds worth of books in there.” She’s wrong, there’s actually twenty-five, but I don’t correct her. I don’t want to make myself look any more of a nerd than I already do.

“It’s easier to do it this way than having to go back and forth to the dorms or back and forth to my car,” I say over my shoulder as I cross the remaining distance to my car. I unlock it and toss the heavy-as-hell bag inside. It lands with a hearty thump, ripping a little more. I sigh. "Oh, by the way, I have to go to my mom's after dinner.”

Jackie frowns, and even though she knows I don’t have an option, I can’t blame her for being sad. We hardly ever hang out anymore, and if we do, it’s only for a few minutes. I’m a terriblefriend, I know, but I can’t do shit about it. Life’s got me in a chokehold I can’t seem to escape.

Her frown gives way to something mischievous, and she rubs her hands together gleefully as I return to her side. We start walking back in the direction of the cafeteria. “Oh good, that means I can bring any guy I want back to the dorm, and we can run around naked, have sex on the counters, maybe even on your bed too."

I scowl. "Ew, no, that's unsanitary. I don't want your bare ass or any other bodily fluids on my bedding."

“Oh, come on, Bel! It’s not like your bed is seeing any action.” I know it’s a joke, and she’s playing with me, but it still stings. She realizes her mistake, and her features pinch with remorse. “Okay, that was mean. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not like it isn’t true.” I shrug, and thankfully, the cafeteria doors come into view. I hate discussing my love life or lack thereof.

“I know, but I also know you’re taking care of your mom, and that’s your main priority right now. There will be plenty of time for men in the future.” She smiles, and I nod, wanting the conversation to end there.

It’s bad enough my mother reminds me almost daily that I should be doing other more productive college kid things instead of taking care of her. I want to be there for my mom, but she insists I focus onmylife. Except it achieves the opposite effect she wants—I worry more and more until my mind becomes a web of inescapable, haunting thoughts that I’m not doing enough for her. That I might lose her. I swallow thickly.

The double doors to the cafeteria open, and we’re blasted with warm air as Jackie and I step inside.

The dinner rush is in full swing. The chatter of fellow students and clinking silverware rattles my eardrums. Anxiousness rests deep in my gut. I hate crowds and loud noises.Usually, I come here before lunch or right after dinner to beat the crowds. Mr. Psycho distracted me, and I forgot what time it was. Jackie weaves through the masses, and I follow her closely until we reach the other side of the room where the trays are located.

“Jesus Christ, why are there so many people here today? It’s not even Taco Tuesday.”

I shrug. “Maybe they’re giving away free food.”

“Unlikely.” Jackie scoffs. “This place is too fancy to give out freebies.”

We stand in line with everyone else and wait our turn to select what we want. The cafeteria serves a combination of both hot food and premade items. I grab a yogurt cup, an egg salad sandwich, and water while Jackie goes for a sub sandwich and a slice of pizza.

“Don’t you dare judge me.” She grins when I give her a raised eyebrow.

“What happened to:I’m giving up carbs until the new year?” I speak the words back to her that she said to me just last week after she weighed herself and realized she’d gained five pounds. She begged me to remind her of her diet every time she tried to cheat.

It’s not like I don’t get it. Carbs are my kryptonite. If I could afford to eat the pizza and pasta here every week, I would. How much I weigh doesn’t mean shit. People should love you for who you are, not what the number on the scale says.

“Look, it's that time of the month, and I’m craving something delicious. Bite me,” she hisses, and all I can do is shake my head while smiling. Jackie and I are opposites in many ways, but she's the closest thing to a best friend I have.

We pay for our food, and then all that’s left is to find a place to sit. If it were me, I’d take my food back to the apartment, but Jackie thinks I need to socialize more. I let her pick a seat, whichis the worst idea ever since it’s smack dab in the middle of the room. As soon as my ass hits the chair, I start eating. Ugh, it’s been hours since I’ve eaten. I sink my spoon all the way to the bottom of my yogurt and stir it while Jackie leans into my side.

"So remember how I told you that I had something exciting to tell you?”

"Nope. I don't recall you saying anything about exciting news." I shove a spoonful of the parfait past my parted lips.

Letting out a huff, she rolls her eyes. “You’re lucky to have such an amazing friend who gets you invited to all the things.”

"Invited…invited to what?" I question between bites.

The slightest show of interest from me has her eyes glimmering with mischief. "Oh, now you’re interested in hearing what I have to say?”

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