Page 26 of Redemption

I make sure I don’t mention to Caleb that I feel a lot better afterward.

I braid my hair again and put on a cozy blue lounge set since I’m not planning to go out today. I can skip swimming for one day, and I didn’t have anything else planned.

Since I’m feeling so much better, I actually get excited about the unexpected day off. I text my friends to tell them about my adventure, and then—with a flash of family feeling—I end up texting Jade since William will be working at this time on a Friday, and also Arthur, my oldest cousin.

I’ve got several other cousins, but I’m not close to them, so it would feel weird to randomly update them on a concussion.

By midmorning I’m starving, so I make myself some breakfast.

I make a breakfast sandwich for Mick, who’s on duty outside right now. And then I make up plates for me and Caleb.

If I ask him, he’ll say no, so I’ve learned not to ask. If I stick food in front of him, he’ll usually eat.

He normally stays in the guest room when he’s not on duty, but today he’s planted himself in the leather armchair in the corner of my living room. He’s been focused on his tablet, but he puts it down when I hand him the plate and a fork and take his mug so I can get him more coffee.

When I come back, I turn on the television and find my favorite BBC Jane Austen adaptation. It will take several hours to watch, so it’s perfect for today.

Caleb glances up several times as the first part begins. He keeps working.

After about an hour, I see him watching it more regularly, although he still keeps up the pose of working.

When the second part begins, he’s not even pretending to work anymore.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” I ask when he catches me watching him.

“It’s interesting.” He appears to be taking both the movie and my question seriously. “Not my normal thing. She’s kind of silly, isn’t she?”

“Well, she means well.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. She’s a little spoiled, and she’s used to having things happen the way she wants them. It’s hard to adjust when the world doesn’t always function that way.”

His shoulders shake in a very brief laugh. “You can empathize?”

“Well, I don’t think I’m that bad.” I frown as I think it through. “But I do understand being spoiled. When you’re born with people who give you what you want most of the time, it’s hard not to expect it.”

“Yeah. I get that. Not that I ever experienced it, but I can see how it would happen.”

“It’s still my responsibility to not act like a spoiled child, but having the family I did was not in my control. But I never went around interfering in everyone else’s life the way she does.”

“She’s probably kind of bored. Not much for her to do.”

“Yeah. That’s probably a lot of it. She’s not married with children, and she doesn’t work. So she’s making up activity to feel useful.” I sigh and lean back against the couch cushion. “I can kind of sympathize with that too.”

“Eh. At least you do something real. You volunteer and help your community and create art, which is worthwhile in and of itself. You’re not wasting your life, Louisa.”

I gulp, strangely touched. My eyes dart from the television screen to his face and then back. “Thanks. I hope not.”

“You’re not.” His expression is sober. I know he’s looking at me, although I’m not quite brave enough to meet his gaze. “After you dropped out of college, you were… flailing. Desperately searching for something to do to fill your life. Make you feel like you were needed. You had value.”

I sit up and stare at him, astonished by the insight of his words. “How did you know that?”

“What do you mean? I was there. For all of it. I saw you every single day. I knew you. I understood you. I heard the things you said. Some of it you even said to me.”

“Only when I was drunk or high. You shouldn’t put too much stock into drunken ramblings.”

“Really?” His mouth twitches up. “So you don’t think I’m the most miserable excuse for a human being you’ve ever encountered in your life? And you don’t sometimes want to claw the fucking grimace off my face? You don’t wish I’d take my big, obnoxious body and bury myself in a deep hole?”

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