Page 20 of Redemption

I’ve seen Caleb faintly annoyed before. Impatient. Condescending and cool and obnoxiously unflappable.

But I’ve never seen him angry. I’m not actually sure he’s angry right now, but he’s closer than I’ve ever seen him before. He’s simmering with something, and it’s leaking around the edges of his typical composure. His jaw tightens. His eyes narrow. “I never said you weren’t allowed,” he grits out. “I’m asking why you felt the need to do so.”

“It’s none of your business. I felt like indulging. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

His expression changes, his frown becoming thoughtful. “You felt like indulging?”

“Yes. Occasionally, I don’t want to live like a nun. Is that all right with you?” I feel way too emotional for this conversation. It really doesn’t make sense.

I don’t want Caleb to see it, so I step around him and try to stride away.

He grabs for my arm, holding it loosely. The grip manages to stop me anyway.

I whirl around with a scowl. “What exactly do you want?”

“I want to know what’s going on with you. Something is wrong, and you won’t tell me what it is.”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“Now you’re lying to me.”

“I’m allowed to lie to you. You’re my bodyguard. You don’t get to pry into my soul.”

If anything, my words make him even angrier. His frown intensifies, as does the tension in his jaw. “Yes, I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do, Louisa. If something is bothering you, then I’m the one you tell.”

He means it. I swear he genuinely means it. He sincerely believes that he has every right to hear all the secrets of my soul.

And the most ridiculous thing is that I believe it too.

My indignation crumples. My mouth twists. “I’m just… restless. Lately. I know my life is good now, but sometimes it feels like I don’t… I don’t quite have enough.”

His face softens at my words. “If you don’t have something you want, you’re allowed to try to get it.”

My breath hitches. I wonder if he knows what he’s saying, if he knows how I’ll take it.

“But drinking more isn’t the way to get it,” he adds.

“I know that. I won’t do it again. I just… I’m really happy with my life now, but sometimes I’d like to be a little less… good.”

His mouth relaxes even more. Until it’s almost shaped in a smile. “Well, then be a little less good. But maybe do it in a way that doesn’t threaten your sobriety.”

I give a little huff of dry amusement. “Yeah. I mean, alcohol has never really been the thing that threatens my sobriety, but it still feels safer for me to stick to only one drink. So you’re right.”

“But you don’t have to keep living like a nun if that’s not what you want.”

I can’t actually believe I said that to him since it so clearly brings up the topic of sex. “You think so?” My eyes have been downcast, but I lift them in a quick, darting look.

Something changes in his stance. He must suddenly understand what’s in my mind.

He evidently didn’t realize it before.

“Louisa.”

“I know,” I say quickly, looking up at him again. “Iknow. But that doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally… want it.”

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