Page 35 of I Dreamt Of You

“I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head, “it’s all my fault, it was me who handed in the notice on your apartment. I got yourmoney back, it should be in your account. I just wanted you to be safe, and that place isn’t. Fuck…I have also found another place for you to live, although I would like you to stay with me if you want to.” that’s a lot to process, but weirdly, it all makes sense, and surprisingly, I’m okay with it. Frowning at myself, I take a minute to answer.

“That’s okay, I understand. I just wish you would have told me, but I can’t stay with you. There are reasons why…I…” I stop myself mid-sentence; I just need to find the right words.Just start at the beginning,I think to myself, let him know everything and he can decide from there.He won’t want me after I tell him.

“Just listen, don’t say anything. I’ll tell you everything. It’s not a happy story, but it’s mine.” Taking a big breath, I start talking and it all comes out. “A year or so after I met you in Ibiza, I met him – Glen. He was wonderful, handsome, fun, caring, he really wanted to be with me… and I, with him. A few months later, both my parents died in a car crash, and I went to him as I didn’t have anyone else. I was devastated. He helped me and we were good together. Not long after the will was read, he started to change. I was the sole beneficiary of the estate. I was their only child.”

“I’m so sorry Mil.” He reaches out and touches my hand.

“Anyway, it all happened so slowly. I didn’t see it coming, didn’t know what was happening until it was too late. He would make snide comments about my weight, how I looked, how he wanted me to look, what I ate, my work, my life, my friends, my job, how I was just not enough, and how I would never make anything of myself. As you can tell, my confidence disappeared, I became nothing. He would get angry if I went out, and turn up to get me just after I had gone out. He would be angry if I wasn’t back at the time I told him. Then all my friends stopped talking to me, one by one they disappeared, and I was alone. But he was my whole world, I just couldn’t see what he was doing. He wouldact like the anger he had towards me was him worrying for my safety. Charlie tried to warn me a few times saying I had changed but I said she was being silly; I thought she was jealous I had found someone, which was ridiculous because she was married.” A little laugh escapes my lips, and I hear Jack sigh.

“Then about two years later, one evening we were out with work friends, all his friends. I had quit my dream job, and started working for the same company as him. I think it was so he could keep an eye on me. I was office-based and he was on the road. But he would check in, call me, call others in the office and see if I was there. Anyway…when we were out, I made a stupid joke about how I was the man of the house, as it belonged to me. We all laughed it off but that night, he followed me to the bathroom in the restaurant and hit me, punched me in the stomach. I couldn’t believe it had happened, the pain, not only from the punch but my heart almost broke me.”

“Mil…I…” I can see the pain in his eyes as he hangs his head.

“Just let me get it out…I want you to know everything. That night I cried myself to sleep, and the following morning he brought me breakfast in bed. At this point, he would apologise, say it would never happen again. That’s how abuse lasts so long, you believe what they say. It was like nothing had happened. But he must have liked what he did because he kept on doing it, beating me, abusing me mentally and physically. Every chance he got, he would punch, slap, kick and throw me around, apologise, ‘make it up to me’. It became our normal. One night after work he came back drunk, he got in my face the moment he walked in, telling me I was worthless.” The memory of this is so painful, I have to take in a deep, steadying breath before I can get the next bit out. “He… grabbed me by the throat, with his one hand and threw me against the wall. He then made me stand back up, pinning me against the wall again, I could hardly breathe. He started to punch me, over and over again, inmy stomach and ribs. He walked away into the kitchen, and I thought it was over. But instead, he grabbed a glass off the side in the kitchen, smashed it and…and used it to cut me. He pinned me down while I was on the floor and cut along my stomach. I couldn’t fight back…He hurt me so badly that night I wasn’t able to go to work for over a week, it hurt too much to do anything. I had no one to run to nowhere to go. I was a regular in hospital, he would always come with me, saying I fell, or some other lame excuse.” Lying back on the bed, I close my eyes, remembering everything he did. Tears well up and spill down my cheeks, I can’t stop them. When I feel the bed dip, I look to see Jack climbing on the bed, lying next to me, still holding my hand in his. I need to carry on otherwise I’ll let it all out.

“I was broken, unable to do anything, go anywhere without him. He had broken my ribs nine times, my arm twice, my cheekbone three times and countless cuts, bruises and split lips.” Jack squeezes my hand, but I don’t move.

“Then just over twelve months ago I…I found out he had been sleeping with someone else, and still sleeping with me, well I let him, but I didn’t want him to. It felt wrong, but I knew what would happen if I didn’t.”

“Fuck…are you saying…he would rape you?” I nod and I can see the tears in his eyes. His whole body goes tense, but he holds my hand gently but firmly.

“Well after that I had the most wonderful dream. A dream about what my life was like before I met him, how I was, who I was.. and this dream, well it kept coming back. I dreamt it every night, and eventually one night, I woke up and looked at the man beside me, saw him for who he truly was. He wanted my money, the lifestyle and nothing else. He was so jealous that I made more money than him. This was what got him the most I think. So that very night, I made a list of what I wanted, how I was going to get away. I was excited for the first time in years. But itwas also the worst. He could sense something was up, I got more confident the more plans I made, and unfortunately, the more confident I got, the worse the beatings got.”

“I’m so sorry, Millie if only I had...” I hold my hand up. I need to get this last bit out, then he will know everything.

“Unfortunately I’m not done. About two months ago, we were out for the evening with his friends, having a meal and drinks. When I say to one of his friends that I made more money than him, I could see the anger in his eyes, we were sat next to each other with six other people around us at the table. His hand went to my thigh, and grabbed me so hard I knew it would bruise, but I kept still. He then dropped one of the steak knives on the floor and asked me to get it, I knew what was coming, he kicked me under the table, getting me right in the stomach, when he pulled me up he made sure I hit my head hard on the table making me cry. His friends were all like him, too self-obsessed to take any notice. I passed him the knife, he kept it in his hand while I struggled to get up and sit back at the table.

That’s when I felt my skirt lift and he pressed the knife into my leg, while he was talking happily with his friends. I stood up abruptly and felt the knife cut me deeper down my leg.” My hand goes to the scar without me thinking and Jack traces the scar with me, his touch sending warming and comforting sparks through me.

“When I stood up I made my excuses and left. He stayed, and I could hear him laughing with his friends. I ran. I didn’t know where to go. I wanted to leave but I had nothing on me, so I went back to the house, not really believing what he had done. My heart was already broken. I could feel the blood dripping down my leg, the pain starting to seep in. I needed to leave.

“When I got back to the house, I grabbed my case and packed everything I could, but when I got downstairs, he was walking through the door. He grabbed me around the throat and threwme across the room. I landed on the glass coffee table, glass piercing my back and hands, but he didn’t stop. He kicked, punched and shouted in my face how worthless I am, how weak and pathetic I am, how he wished I would just die. I was a rag doll in his hands. At some point, I stopped feeling the pain. Every kick and punch just stopped hurting. I must have passed out at some point because when I regained consciousness…Shit…I was being put in the boot of his car. My hands and feet bound together…I knew I was going to die, and the man I thought loved me was going to be my killer, I even hoped it would be over soon.” I let out a sob and Jack’s arms wrapped around me, tugging me closer.

“But do you know the worst thing? He dumped me on the road outside of the hospital. I was barely able to see, my face was smashed up, someone apparently found me a while later, and I ended up in hospital having lost so much blood, I almost lost my life.” I let out another sob. “But he came in when he was called, looking shocked, crying and angry, saying he would kill the person who had done it to me. They all believed him. I said I couldn’t remember what had happened. And after over a week in hospital, I was sent home, back to him. He didn’t touch me again, I think he thought I had finally learnt my lesson. That was six weeks ago.” My hands are shaking, it’s like I am reliving it again. Jack pulls me closer to him and we lay there on the bed in silence, while he lets it all sink in.

“So now you know…I’m weak and pathetic, I couldn’t and didn’t defend myself. I’m not worth the hassle, but I want to thank you for everything you’ve done, looking after me when I had no one, and I’m sorry for freaking out on you like I did, it was humiliating.” I want to curl up in a ball and just hide away.

Jack sits up and looks at me with a look I’ve not seen before. He pulls me up so I’m sitting in front of him, still holding my hands.

“What happened to you is unforgivable. That rat deserves to die a long and painful death, at my hands. But what you did is nothing less than magnificent. Even after he did all those… things to you, you still stood up and walked away Millie. You are the strongest woman I know, let alone intelligent, funny, beautiful and sexy as hell.” He lets out a shaky breath, “I was stupid to try and do those things without asking, but please believe me, I will do everything in my power to make you happy. I... I love you, I have been in love with you since we first met I think, it’s always been you.” He dips his head and kisses my hand. I’m speechless, he just told me he loves me...I mean, what?

“What? After everything I just told you…you…”

“Yep, I told you I love you,” he says again. Holding his hands up, he moves off the bed. “I’ll wait for you Millie, I’ll help you and I’m going to make you happy.” He says with that small, sexy smile.

“But I’m…”

“You’re perfect, then and now, you will always be perfect to me.”How can he say that, the man is delusional…

“I’ve not gone mental.” It must have been the look on my face, orcan he read my mind? How could he want me...no…love me?

“I’ll spend my life showing you just how much you mean to me. First of all, let’s start with getting you out of here, if you would like to.” I’m in shock, not sure how we went from my past to my future so quickly.

“I don’t understand…how can you love me after what I just told you?”

“Easy, I loved you before you told me, and after you told me it made me love you more, and want to protect you more, if you will let me.” His face is all cute and serious at the same time.

“Huh, that’s definitely not how I thought this conversation would go.” Moving to sit cross-legged on the bed, I just look at him.

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