Page 22 of Resisting Desire

What have I gotten myself into?

“I’ll agree to both,” I say grudgingly, “however, don’t think you’re getting your way on everything.”

“No, not everything. Just most things,” he says jokingly.

My disobedient eyes lock on his mouth. His kissable, sensual mouth. There’s no other way to describe it. I wish he’d just stop smiling at me like that. It brings back too many memories of the things he can do with that mouth.

I need to get my mind out of the gutter. Stat.

It’s all about the baby going forward.

There’s something I do need to discuss with Ethan, but I don’t want to disrupt our newly fragile relationship. I was evasive earlier when I told him about my relationship with Trent. However, if there’s going to be trust between us, I need to tell him everything.

How do I do that, though? I’m not even sure what to say.

When Trent and I ran into each other a while back, Trent was in the middle of a divorce, and Ethan and I had just broken up. I was feeling hurt, raw, and devastated. Trent happened to show up just when I needed a friend. Then I found out I was pregnant, and Trent helped me through it all. Since then, we’ve been seeing each other casually. It’s just been the occasional night out, nothing more than friends getting together for dinner or a movie. I don’t have romantic feelings for him, but Trent has made it clear that he wants more than just my friendship. Lately, he’s become more and more bold in letting me know what he wants. Now that his divorce is finalized, putting him off has become more of a challenge.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should just go with it and see where a relationship could lead. If I were to give Trent a chance, maybe things could be different this time. He appears to have changed over the years. He seems genuinely contrite for the way things ended with us.

I hear my mom inside my head, telling me that Trent is a good man, a dependable man, someone who will be able to provide for his family. It’s what she told me years ago when I first had second thoughts about our engagement. Was this my mom’s way of manipulating me into going through with the wedding, or did she believe what she told me? Is Trent a good man, despite the things he did in the past?

Has he changed enough to be the type of husband I’d want? If I were to date Trent, maybe even marry him one day, that could open the doorto a possible relationship with my parents. I miss them so much. We didn’t always agree on everything, but they were my parents. My sister had a baby recently and moved with her husband to Seattle. Without my sister here and my parents not in my life, I feel like I have been left with nothing. And now that I am pregnant, my crazy hormones are making me crave family connections.

I might not bein lovewith Trent, but could those feelings develop? I mean, he has been by my side for months and could give me and the baby a stable family life and a future. He promises all of the things I want and crave, but I don’t know if I can trust him. I’ve worked hard to forgive him for his past actions, but I don’t know if I can ever trust him after what he did and the ramifications it caused between my parents and me.

How can I talk about this with Ethan? He wouldn’t understand how I feel. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be truly alone. He has a family, brothers and parents that care about him. His version of being alone is taking an eight-month sabbatical on his family’s yacht with ten employees.

He’s always had someone to rely on.

I’ve only ever had myself to rely on.

Even though I can do this alone, I can’t deny it feels good to have Ethan by my side. For however long that might be . . .

I don’t want to risk losing that. I need to give the baby a chance to know his or her father.

Ethan is the father of my baby and the man I was so in love with before he crushed those feelings. He is also the man who will never promise a future with me or our child. Thinking I might have a chance of something more than a friendship with him will only lead to furtherheartbreak. At least I know what I’m getting myself into this time. I can try to prepare myself for when Ethan decides to move on.

Chapter 7

Ethan

The next couple of weeks go by quickly. Liz and I are getting along great, though we’ve only seen each other a handful of times. The baby is doing well, and everyone is healthy.

After the original hospital scare, we haven’t had any more excitement. Liz is going to weekly doctor’s appointments which stresses her out because she has to miss so much work. I remind her that I’m part owner of the company and that she can take all of the time she wants, but that only seems to irritate her. She takes her work responsibilities seriously, probably too seriously. She’s having a hard time slowing down, no matter how much I remind her of the doctor’s orders.

I find myself starting to get both nervous and excited by the thought of the baby arriving. I finally convinced Liz to let me tag along to the next doctor’s appointment, and I’m on my way to pick her up now.

As the driver rolls the car up to her apartment building, I jump out of the back seat, intending to run upstairs to get her. But, of course, she’s already outside waiting for me.

She’s always early.

When I see her, my heart starts beating a little faster. I quickly hop out and kiss her cheek. I offer my hand to help her into the back seat of the car. Once inside, she scoots over to make room for me to sit beside her.

She’s casually dressed today in a light pink, high-waisted sundress that accentuates her pregnant belly. I watch as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and smooths the skirt of her dress against her legs. She’s beautiful without even trying.

A faint blush appears on her cheeks as she smiles at me, her eyes sparkling with warmth. “I’m glad you’re coming with me today.”

“Of course. I’d like to come with you to all the rest of the appointments if it’s okay with you?”

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