Page 73 of The Secrets That Kill

“There’s that.” He adds the pasta and then comes over, leaning on the counter opposite me. “The bare-boned truth is I don’t ever have to care about you, like you, or want to possess you for me to fuck your brains out.”

“I read about D/s. It isn’t how it works. And I don’t think?—”

“That I’m not as bad as I seem? I am, sweet little Pollyanna. And trust me, if it got me what I wanted, I’d hand you over to Henderson myself on a fucking platter.”

There’s a small muscle that pulls at the side of his mouth and I’m not sure he means that. Then again, maybe he does. I’m in freefall again, only this time it isn’t into pleasure, it’s somewhere dark and cold, frightening and ominous.

“Mercer…” I’m about to say he doesn’t mean that, but I don’t know if he does or not. So I switch. “Why are you doing this?”

“Saying this or going after him?” He taps his fingers on the island. “You know the answer to both.”

“You’re beyond rich.”

“So? I came from nothing. Less than nothing. You know how I met Ruby? On the streets. We were both sixteen. We helped each other. I got her out of a life of prostitution and drugs, and we became a thing. Then your brother took her away from me because he had money and I didn’t. He didn’t give a shit about her, he only wanted to one-up me. She deserved better. She at least deserved someone to care. I fucking cared, but I never got the chance to tell her, to prove it to her. And then she died, and I couldn’t save her because of you and your brother.”

Pain jabs behind my heart. I’m jealous of a dead girl who had a horrible life. “Do you want my empathy?” I ask, half hoping he does.

“If I wanted that, I’d tell you my father was an abusive piece of shit who beat up my mother, then me, and she kept going back for more. I’d tell you how I killed him to save us both, and she never looked at me the same way after. That I was a monster to her. And when she hooked up with another abusive asshole, I left and hit the street. At sixteen. I’m pretty fucking sure there’s a country or blues song in there somewhere.”

He laughs and it’s harsh. “Killed my first man at sixteen, lived hard, became a man that same year. Fuck.”

“Did you love Ruby?”

The words break free before I can stop them.

“That’s complicated.” He drains the pasta and tosses it and the basil through the sauce, and then serves it up with a bowl of what looks like freshly grated parmesan cheese.

“It’s complicated,” he says. “In so many ways.”

That stab hits me again as I take my bowl.

He sits next to me, and starts to eat, his wine next to him. “Eat.”

I shake my head. “Not hungry.”

“Fucking eat or I’ll whip you so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week. And I know you like pain, but this won’t be the good pain. Got it?”

I glare and pick up my fork. I have to stop myself from swooning after my first bite. Before I know it, I’ve demolished half of the bowl.

“Next time, I’ll have you sit by my feet, and I’ll feed you from my hand.”

His words are so quiet they’re at odds with the bright electric shock that zaps my bones.

Mercer’s staring at the drawing on my iPad. It’s him. Heat rushes my cheeks and I start to flip over the screen, but he shakes his head. “No.”

I know what he’s seeing in the rough sketch. A man who’s strong with a vulnerable heart; loneliness with a tortured soul.

“This…” He sighs. “Don’t mistake me for being anything other than what I say I am. You asked about Ruby? Truth is, I don’t know. We had history, a connection that not even Jaxson could break. We weren’t fucking when they were. That was done when I found them together. But that thing that tied us together, it was always there. It’s why she came to me for money while I was in prison. That was the last time I saw her. She thought she could rely on me. And I…let her down.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“She was a grown woman. I know that. And I know any money I lent her would have just driven her deeper into a dark hole. She deserved my wrath, but not death after the kind of torture she experienced.” His jaw tenses. “People wantHenderson taken out because of information he keeps on them. We’ll get that. But I want him gone because he was involved in her death. He hurt her and then he fucking killed her. I couldn’t stop it then, but I can stop him now.”

I put my fork down. “Mercer.”

“No one cares about people like Ruby. Or people like me back then. No one gives a shit. No one did anything to help. A body, a homeless girl, nothing to see. It shouldn’t be like that. And I should have known. So I’m taking him down, and any other fucker who touched her. For Ruby.”

There’s no passion in his voice, no rage. Just ice and a matter-of-fact tone that scares me.

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