Page 48 of Embracing Darkness

His warmth on my skin feels incredibly good, and I’m acutely aware of how much a part of me has yearned for it. For something that shouldn’t happen.

Ayden puts an arm around me and slowly pulls me toward him. My face rests against his chest; I can feel the contours of his muscles and instinctively press myself harder against him, sucking in his wonderful scent. His hand goes to the back of my head and caresses my hair as he whispers, “I just can’t look the other way when you’re so unhappy.”

Tears well up in my eyes, and I slowly shake my head. I don’t know what to do. What’s right? What’s wrong? What should I listen to? My racing heart and my boiling blood telling me never to let go of him? Or my mind warning me sharply not to make a mistake? But how can this be a mistake?

I look up at him, into his eyes, which are so warm and affectionate, and then it just bursts out of me.

“Frida was a traitor. She did terrible things and betrayed the Tempes. She became a Noctu and worked for them.”

I can’t deny it: I’m afraid of Ayden’s reaction. What if he pushesme away? Or runs straight to inform the Tempes? He’ll tell his father. They’ll launch an investigation, and I’ll have to testify – before the Council, probably. They’ll search Frida’s room, the house. What will happen to my mom?

But Ayden puts an abrupt end to all those thoughts by cupping my face in his hands and bringing it close to his. He’s horrified by what he’s just heard; I can see it in his face, but something else is motivating him right now. Affection for me. His gaze burns into mine.

“I won’t tell anyone, okay? I could never do anything to put you at risk.”

A warm tingling sensation floods my body. He’s here for me. He’s putting me ahead of his duties as a hunter.

“Whatever Frida did, it was a long time ago. It’s irrelevant now, you got that? You’re not to blame for what your great aunt did or didn’t do.”

I nod as the meaning of his words gradually sinks in. Is it really irrelevant? Can I try to put all that behind me? Ayden holds me close, his fingertips wandering over my back, my hair. His breath caresses me, and a sweet shiver flutters over my skin. My hands develop a life of their own and slide around his waist and up his back.

I can’t lie. There’s a fire in me, this unbridled yearning. I’ve always wanted Ayden, and I still do. But can I trust him? He opened himself up to me and explained why he hurt me the way he did. He promised to never do it again. But can a person make that kind of promise? Isn’t it inevitable that you hurt the ones you love? And it’s precisely this realization that hits me like a bolt of lightning. I know he cares about me; I can feel it with every fiber of my being. And I believe him, too, when he says that he wants to be here for me and not hurt me again. But at some point, that’s exactly what will happen. It would be the same with any other person. There will always be problems. The question iswhether I’m prepared to take a chance with him. Do I want to be with him, be held by him, open up to him? And there’s only one answer. I’ve known it for a long time. It’s only out of fear that I’ve always run from it, kept things from him – out of fear of how he might react. That has to stop!

We’re still looking into each other’s eyes, connected by this gaze, which says it all. I slowly lean toward him, cautiously and deliberately, as if I’m afraid something between us could shatter. But I only need to look into his face to know that won’t happen. This is right; it’s the only way, the only logical outcome. We belong together.

Ayden’s eyebrows are slightly drawn together, as if he can’t understand exactly what’s happening between us. And at the same time, there seems to be no doubt for him either. When our lips touch, it’s more than intoxicating. Sweet sparks flare inside me, making my blood boil and telling me how right this is. I’m exactly where I should be.

As gentle and tender as our kiss starts out, it soon becomes intense and passionate. I open my mouth and let in his tongue, which plays so deftly with mine that it takes my breath away. It feels so good – far too good, and soon I want more. My hands run down his strong back, and I just want to feel his skin.

Very slowly, Ayden pulls back. Even this small distance is unbearable. I want to lean forward again immediately, search out his lips and feel him.

He strokes my cheek and looks at me with his inimitable smile. “I thought we were no good for each other.”

I shrug and reply, “But apparently, I’m no good without you either. I’m prepared to take the risk.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he murmurs. “You know you mean everything to me.” And then he lets me feel this with a kiss.

My hands slide around his hips and wander up to his chest, feeling his firm muscles under the thin fabric. I moan softly ashe pushes his hands under my shirt and touches my belly. With these passionate kisses and his touch making everything inside me sing, all the longing in me that I’ve been trying to keep locked away now pushes its way up to the surface.

“I missed you so much,” I whisper.

“I missed you too,” he replies, kissing me again.

I have no idea how we get there, but eventually we make it to the corridor where our rooms are located. Ayden opens his door, and we stumble inside and land on his bed together. He strokes my hair, kisses my temples, my neck. His lips leave behind a sweet prickling sensation on my skin. He kisses my collarbone, and I catch my breath again. He runs his fingertips along my spine, up and down, and I’m sure nothing has ever felt better.

For a moment, I’m able to forget everything around me. There’s nothing but us two, and I’m immensely happy.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he says, looking into my eyes. “I can understand why the news about your great aunt messed with your head.”

I nestle against his chest and push my hands under his shirt, letting them wander over his warm skin. It feels so good to be with him, but at the same time, I know there’s a lot that still stands between us. There can’t be any more secrets. If this is going to work, we have to be able to trust each other. And that means I need to open up to him. I seek out his gaze and see the warmth in it.

“You already know that she left some of her things to me. Including the paintings you saw. There was a blood seal on them.”

He frowns, and I quickly explain, “Ty told me about them. But I’ll explain all of that later. Anyway, I traveled through the paintings to a secret room belonging to my aunt. She kept things hidden in it. A wall of photos, newspaper clippings, memos... Apparently, she was hunting goddesses of destiny – even afterher time as a hunter. There were letters too, and reports.” I shake my head. How do I make this all clear to him? What should I tell him first?

Ayden leans toward me, gently cups my cheeks in his hands, and looks at me in that way that makes me forget everything around me.

“It’s okay,” he says. “Try to put it behind you. It was so long ago. We’ll never know what information she leaked to the Noctu, and it’s irrelevant now anyway. We can’t do anything about it. Try to forget her and move on with your life.”

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