Page 34 of Gingers Can Do Maths

She nods.

“Before I reached that conclusion, I thought I just needed to desensitise myself to you. They say crushes are just a lack of information. So I thought, I’d learnevery singlething about you right down to the kind of toothpaste and tampons you used.”

Her eyes grow wide but I don’t sense fear in them.

“But it didn’t work. I just became more obsessed and I couldn’t stop it. I’ve masturbated with your used panties. Licked them. Stole them. I’ve crept beneath your covers just to stare at your slit. I’ve blown on it to make you water.”

“Han.”

“I’ve used your dirty dishes just so my mouth could be where yours was. I’ve stolen your missing body products that you blamed on your old roommate and rubbed them on my sheets so I could pretend you’d been in them. I’ve sent you toiletries and gifts and care packages you thought were from your parents when I knew you were low on supplies because you spent your own money on fuck-me pastel outfits to prance around in. And the only reason I allowed it was because it meant I’d get the best upshots to jack off to later when I stalked you around town and made sure no one else was doing the same perverted thing to you that I was.”

She looks stunned, horrified...intrigued.Whether it’s intentional or not, she shifts closer to me, the tips of her breasts over her knees grazing my arm.

“Do you want me to go on? Because I can, but it just proves that the healthy distance you tried to put between us wasn’t healthy. Not for me. Even I could see that I was spiralling but it didn’t change anything. Whether I could acknowledge it or not, I wasn’t going to stop because I wasn’t sorry. I’m still not. But I knew I couldn’t keep on like that forever. That’s why I had to get close to you again, outside of the dark.”

“So you became my tutor?”

“Because you still had dreams of Presley University and this time I could fix things. I could ensure we could be together again and I wouldn’t have to hide.”

She swallows. “But, Presley is just another Ennox. I can say I want to go because of their tech department. But my real motivation is still you.”

“Do you still not see how much we belong together?”

She looks away from me, but I force her to hold my gaze by grasping her chin.

“But if I don’t get into Presley, that doesn’t mean that we can’t be together. We can still visit—”

I shake my head. “I’m not going where you aren’t.”

“Presley has the best physics program in the country,” she huffs in frustration. “You’re acting like it’s all or nothing. I can still come visit you—”

“Why are you talking as if you’ve already failed the exam?”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“It’s just a possibility. A what if—”

“You think you’re that hopeless?”

The tension in her shoulders deflates, but she says nothing.

“I’m not doing this again, Sin.”

Her eyes fly to mine. “What?”

“Letting you get in your head and do what you think is best for me so we both end up suffering. You’re my past. My present. My future.Whateverthat future looks like it’s with you. That’s non-negotiable because we’re soulmates and we can never be at peace if we’re not together. No amount of physics, capabilities, or anyone else's comments can make up for it. Because you’re my ultimate dream.”

And I’m not above becoming your nightmare.

Because you’re not leaving me again.

“But—”

I kiss her forcefully at first, then slowly until she melts, until she drops her knees that are separating us.

“But nothing,” I say, pulling away even as she tries to hold on by nibbling on my bottom lip. “If you want us to go to Presley so badly then you better make sure you get in. I’ve already said what I had to say. Tell me you understand.”

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