His eyes narrowed and it was obvious he was surprised and hurt. “I’m sorry, I thought—,”
“No,” she shook her head, tried to smile, but her head and heart were spinning. Not because of the kiss, but because of the way she’d rejected even the hint of the idea of kissing another man…and what that meant. “It was just a conversation.”
“My mistake,” he said, lifting his hands in the air by way of an apology. “Goodnight, Andie.”
Her legs trembled as she left the bar.
Fourteen
ANDIE HAD BEEN EXHAUSTED in the bar but something about having been kissed by another man had woken her right up.
She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying every moment, trying to analyse her own feelings, her own responses, looking for any hint of attraction or desire, hoping to recognize in her heart or body something that might show she could be stirred to desire by another man.
Because Luke was gorgeous, she acknowledged belatedly. Not just handsome but truly beautiful. He was intelligent, funny, kind. Okay, he’d kissed her without a whole lot of warning, but it hadn’t been a full-blown passionate kiss, just a touch of their lips. A question. An exploration. The moment Andie had pulled back, he’d stopped, as he should have.
So why wasn’t she attracted to him?
Was it justhim? Or was it going to be all other men? Was it only Max who could stir her to this level of longing and need? And if so, why?
She tossed and turned all night, that question rolling around and around in her head, making it impossible to sleep.
The next night wasn’t much better, as she replayed the evening in the bar again, looking for any hint of spark between herself and Luke. He’d obviously felt something, to have presumed to kiss her.
But for Andie? Nothing. He’d been like…a new friend. Nothing more.
Why?
Why?
It was in the early hours of Monday morning that Andie finally began to put two and two together and understand something that had lain deep within the recesses of her heart. It was like the discovery of a key, and when she finally inserted it into the right lock, every disparate thought and feeling she’d had over the last six weeks seemed to reorder itself so finally Andie understood.
She sat straight up in bed and stared across at the wall, her heart pounding.
Why had she been so attracted to Max when no other man had ever really raised even a hint of interest in her?
Why had she found it impossible to stop thinking about him?
Why had she been so energized by their interactions—even fighting together?
Why had she loved his family so much?
Why had she been so jealous of Esther?
Why had she known after that incredible weekend in Italy that she had to end it? Out of self-preservation, she had to walk away…
Because she’d fallen in love with him, and if she didn’t walk away then, she had no idea how she could do it in the future.
Why didn’t she feel anything, talking to Luke, being kissed by Luke? Because she was in love with Max. He was the only guy she wanted to sit in a bar and talk to. He was the only man she wanted to be kissed by.
And the knowledge, while incredibly important to finally have and understand, was also a dead weight pulling her back, because knowing she loved him didn’t make things any easier.
Andie had found the key to her own feelings, but what about Max’s?
When she’d ended their fake engagement, he’d barely blinked. It had been like discussing something impersonal and unimportant. He hadn’t shown any signs during the conversation or since that he particularly cared. Easy come, easy go, she thought with a grimace.
But no, that wasn’t fair.
She couldn’t fail to remember the way they’d been together. The spark. The way he’d made love to her and told her he needed her, with every part of himself.