Page 15 of To Catch a Firefly

Lucky and I sit on the ground, our backs to the metal silo. It’s later than I realized, the sun having dipped beneath the top of the fields. An orange glow lights the horizon, and my house stands in the distance, not terribly far off. Beyond that is Lucky’s. We’re the only two in this stretch. It’s always made it feel like it was just us, ever since Lucky arrived when we were ten.

“My mom,” I finally say, my voice sounding hoarse.

“Is she okay?” Lucky asks, but I can see it on his face. She’s not, and he knows it.

I shake my head, and he sighs, long and low.

“Tell me?” he requests.

I nod, and in slow, stilted intervals, I explain what we learned today. That my mom has primary progressive MS. That she’s had weird symptoms for years, but she always chalked them up to other things. The tingling in her hands could be carpal tunnel because of her office job at one of the town’s corn processing plants. The muscle spasms were only diet related. The fatigue was normal. Who doesn’t get tired from time to time?

Lucky listens patiently, never rushing me, never looking frustrated that it takes so long. When I finish, he reaches into my lap for my hand, curling his fingers around my own.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and it’s all there is to say. It’s enough.

I nod, eyes stinging.

“You broke your collection,” he adds quietly.

I shrug. I might regret it later, but… It’s only broken glass. It can be repaired. Reformed. Unlike certain things.

I clench my eyes shut, replaying the decision I know I already made. I think I knew it the moment I tossed that first jar.

“I’m staying,” I tell Lucky.

His hand twitches against my own. “What?”

I’m not sure he heard me, but when I find Lucky’s eyes, I know he did.

Still, I repeat myself. “I’m staying.”

He swallows several times, nodding slowly. I can see the gears turning. “Okay,” he says. “We’ll go to UNO, then. It’s only a few hours away and—”

“No,” I tell him.

“No?”

“I’mstaying,” I repeat.

His breath comes short as he digests what I’m saying. “You’re dropping out?”

“I’ll get my GED.”

“You know what I mean, Ellis,” he says hotly, his hand nearly crushing mine. “You’re going to…what? Skip college and become a husker? A pulper? You really want that?”

I shake my head in resignation. It doesn’t matter. I never saw myself getting out of Nebraska until recently, anyway. I always figured I’d be a lifer. Now I will be.

Lucky’s nostrils flare, and he turns his face away. When he looks back, his eyes are on fire. “No,” he says. “No. I won’t let you.”

It’s not for you to decide.

“You don’t get to throw your life away—”

“She’s my mom!” I nearly yell. “I had to…tocarryher this morning, Luck. She…”

I shake my head. The pain was so severe in her legs that she fell getting out of bed. I had to help her get dressed and out to the car so we could meet with her doctor about her test results. I can’t go. Not now.

Lucky sets his jaw. “Fine. Then I’m staying, too.”

---