Page 91 of To Catch a Firefly

“What did he say?”

“Wanted to talk.” I shake my head a little. “Told him no.”

“Oh, baby,” my mom says, leaning forward in her chair like she wants to come to me. I make it easier, walking her way. She grabs my hand, squeezing tight. “It’s not your fault, you know. Iprobably would have told him the same thing. You didn’t know he was…”

Her sentence peters out.Dying, she was going to say. He was dying, and I ignored him.

Even still, I nod. I don’t feel guilty about it, not exactly. I’m not sure what I feel. A little angry. Because he left us. He left us, and he didn’t look back until he was dying with no one else to turn to. Angry because he put me in his will, as if he had a right to. As if he could still call himself my father. Angry that he died, even, through no fault of his own.

And sad. There’s a part of me that’s sad for the boy I used to be. The one whose dad called it quits. Who up and left as if it were easy. I’m sad for the kid who never got to show his dad the glass he’d collected. Who never got to share about his prom night.

He left, he gave us up, and now he’sgone. And what for? In the end, he’ll be put to ground right back where he started. In the end, he left all he’d gained to a boy he no longer knew. There was no one else. And maybe I’m sad for that, too. Did he ever find what he was searching for? Does he regret it?

I’ll never know.

“Honey…” my mom says.

I shake my head quickly, swiping below my eye. “Okay?” I ask her.

She nods slowly. “I am. I said my goodbyes to your father a long time ago. But it’s okay to grieve him, Ellis. You don’t have to like or even love him for that.”

Am I grieving him? Is that what this is? I don’t have an answer, so I say nothing at all.

I miss Lucky.

Fear lances through me at the thought. It’s a moment. A series of flashes. It’s Lucky’s voice.“I’m gonna get out of this town one day, El.”It’s my friend, arms outstretched beneath awaterfall. It’s his excitement each time he calls and the countless adventures he’s lived.

It’s the memory of a firefly encased in glass, lifeless and dull.

“I want my life to be…remarkable, El.”

My pulse is pounding when I hear a car door shut outside. I let my mom’s hand go and step up to the front window, right beside the Christmas tree that sparkles white. The relief I feel is staggering, and my breath breaks with it, stuttering against the windowpane. Lucky is outside. He’s here,here, and it’ll be okay. It’ll be okay because everything isalwaysokay when Lucky is around.

Except…he’s beside his own car, not a rental. And he’s pulling suitcase after suitcase out of the back, setting them in the half inch of snow covering the shoveled driveway.

“Who is it?” my mom asks.

I can’t answer her. That relief coursing through my body turns brittle and ragged as I step into my boots and head out the front door. Lucky looks up when he sees me, a wide smile spreading across his face.

“El,” he says, loud enough for me to hear.

My pulse feels heavy as I make my way toward him. Snowflakes drift lazily down through the sky, landing on my cheeks and nose, tiny stinging bites.

Lucky’s expression falls a little once I’m finally in front of him. He cocks his head, brow furrowed at whatever he sees on my face.

“What?” I manage to say, looking at what appears to be all of Lucky’s belongings in and beside his car.

He gives me a grin, recovering the excitement he showed up with. “I’m home, El. For good. I’m moving home.”

I pull in a breath, the cold aching in my lungs. “No.”

Chapter 32

Lucky

No.

Ellis looks the exact opposite of happy, and everything in me sinks.

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