Page 49 of To Catch a Firefly

Danil is frowning when I get back to the car. I give him a swift shake of my head, and he nods. Ellis is still by the maple when I pull the car around, and I watch him from the rearview until I can’t see him anymore.

So much for hope.

Chapter 17

Ellis

“It’s been harder at night,” my mom tells the doctor.

He nods, not looking particularly surprised by that. “We can adjust your medication, and that should help the nighttime muscle stiffness some. But I’ll also give you a sheet with stretches you can do in bed. Your physical therapist can aid you with this, as well.”

My mom nods, going through the stretches with the doctor before he checks her vitals, performs some routine tests, and writes a new prescription. It’s an average visit, all things considered, but for whatever reason, it hits me harder today. My mom looks older, weaker than she did seven years ago when she got her diagnosis. Some days, weeks, months, the change is so minimal I can barely see it. And then other times, it’s impossible to ignore how very much has changed.

Reminds me of something else in my life.

Before we go, the doctor recommends a few ways I can help my mom when the muscle spasms are particularly bad. I listen attentively, thanking him when he’s done.

“We should go to the pharmacy on the way home,” my mom says as I help her into the truck. Her hand shakes as she tries to buckle herself in, so I take the seatbelt from her gently, clicking it into place. She waits until I’m in the vehicle before going on. “We can run into the store, too. Get something special for dinner tonight.”

I shoot a quick glance her way.

“Why not?” she says with a shrug. “Life’s too short not to treat yourself every once in a while. And I don’t know about you, but I could go for some steak.”

My smile is wobbly, but I nod, turning out onto the road.

“Potatoes, too,” she says. “Baked. With sour cream and chives.Oh, yes.” She hums. “That’ll hit the spot.”

I park in front of the grocery store, and while my mom starts shopping with the use of a motorized cart, I jog across the street to the pharmacy. My phone buzzes on my way back, and I stop in front of the store, pulling it free.

The smile on my face slips when I realize it’s not an email from Lucky but rather…mydad.

My fingers shake as I click it open. Three simple sentences stare back at me.

Hi, Ellis. I hope you don’t mind, but I got your email from Sandra. Can we talk?

The first time I hear from the man in over fifteen years, and that’s it?Can we talk?NoI hope you’re well.NoI shouldn’t have left you and your mother like that.NoI’m sorry.Three impersonal sentences; that’s all I get.

I barely spare a thought for my mom’s friend, Sandra. I just shove my phone back in my pocket and turn toward the door.

I find my mom near the refrigerated cheese section, debating between cheddar and Colby-Jack.

“Which one?” she asks me.

I point to the cheddar, and she nods, putting it in the cart. I don’t move at first when she drives onward, but once I catch up with her near the milk, she looks at me oddly.

“Something wrong?” she asks.

I shake my head. No use in worrying my mom over an email I’m surely not going to respond to. What would be the point?

She hums. “Do we have sour cream?”

I nod, and we head toward the produce.

“How’s Lucky?” she asks. She’s fishing, I think. Trying to figure out what’s on my mind. I can’t fault her for caring.

“Good,” I tell her, and as far as I know, that’s true. Our conversations have been a little more stilted over the past two months, ever since he left. I hate it, but I don’t know how tofixit. I debated, ever briefly, flying out to New York to see him, but the idea of leaving my mom alone fills me with dread. What if she needed me while I was gone?

Lucky and I will find our way back to one another. We have to. Right?

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