Page 94 of Fighting Words

I’m the one to speak first, but I don’t look at him, finding it easier if I keep my attention on the bookshelves across the room. “I feel like I should tell you my mind is already made up.”

He’s drawing circles on my shoulder when he replies with a resigned, “Go on.”

“Tomorrow, I’m going to have you drive me to Leeds, and I’m getting on a plane back to New York.”

He stays quiet. “Well, if we’re being honest, I don’t want you to go.” Then more vehemently he adds, “Stay here.”

I can’t let his words seep in. “Nate, I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Well, for starters, I don’t belong here in this way anymore, as an employee of InkWell.”

I mean, clearly, we’re well past that. We’re naked in his bed, after all.

He looks up at the ceiling. “I wish the timing were different. Or circumstances. Or…I don’t know.”

I smile. “I’m not sure how we would have met otherwise, you being a hermit and me living in another country. If not for work, I wouldn’t be here.”

His expression pinches tight with frustration as he looks down at me. “Summer, you must know my last relationship with Elaine has nothing to do with my feelings for you. I only brought it up the other night because I wanted you to know my history—to know how complicated work and life has been for me these last few years.”

“I know. I promise I understand now, Nate.” I lean over and drape myself across him, laying my head on his chest. “Has it been nice writing these last few days?”

He plays with my hair, twisting the curls around his fingers. “It’s hard to describe. I feel like I reclaimed a piece of myself. Writing is an extension of my soul.”

“Sounds like a kind of psychosis,” I tease.

He laughs and tickles under my arm. “Probably is one.”

I twist out of his grasp and turn to prop my chin on his chest, looking up at him. “Will you send me the book once you’re done with it?”

His expression turns contemplative. “I wouldn’t have to send it if you’d stay here. You could read it as I write it.”

I swallow past the emotion his invitation elicits.

I want that so badly, but it can’t happen. I don’t want to be tied to this book in that way. Nate has been so clear on his struggle to write. I worry if I stay, he’ll see me as a crutch, the same way he saw Elaine. Whether or not it’s true, I don’t want to muddy the waters. Nate needs to know he wroteA Cosmic Penancecompletely on his own.

“I’m not going to remain on the project. Beyond the personal reasons, I don’t actually think InkWell would have paired me with you if they weren’t desperate, and now that you’re actually working on the manuscript, they’ll likely call in the big guns anyway.”

He frowns as he brings his hand up to my face. His finger traces the edge of my cheek and his gaze follows. “I’d prefer if it was you.”

I smile sadly. “It can’t be.”

He doesn’t argue because he knows I’m right. “Still, I want you to stay. Book or no book.”

Oh my god. He can’t keep asking because I’ll do it. I’ll stay.

I gather what’s left of my willpower. “I can’t, Nate. I have a life back in the States.”

“One you want to get back to?” His eyes find mine, and our gazes hold. His furrowed brows are so telling—he can’t bear the thought of me leaving for good.

“For closure, yes.” I nod. “I’m going to request to work remotely with InkWell.”

“Could you see yourself living here? With me? I have an apartment in New York too. We could stay there for part of the year…”

“Yes.I could.” I decide to go with brutal honesty at this point. “I want that so badly.”

He’s still talking, rushing on like he hasn’t heard me properly. “I can get cable and internet if that’s what you want. Plenty of my neighbors have it. Is that why you’re really running away? So you can catch up on your shows?”

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