Page 99 of Fighting Words

I whip the door open and Emma stands outside my apartment wearing a red wool jacket and coordinating silk scarf. My sister’s blonde hair is styled in a new, sleek bob.

I haven’t moved because I’m not sure she’s actually here. She’s perfect enough that she could be a daydream.

“Emma?”

All I want to do is rush to her and wrap my arms around her and squeeze.

She goes rigid, shocked by the intensity of my hug. Then she lets her purse fall to the ground and she wraps her arms around me too, tightening her hold until we’re both having a hard time catching a full breath. When I pull away, tears swim in both of our eyes.

“Well…could I come in?” she quips.

“Yes.Of course.” I step back to let her walk past me and then I peer out into the hall. “Where are Lincoln and the kids?”

“They’re hanging out at home.”

She came all the way to my apartment—trekked over here by herself—to surprise me?Why?

Emma is a busy mom and a busy physician. She doesn’t have time to pop over on a random weeknight.

Of course, there’s a chance she’s here to talk sense into me about leaving Andrew. There is always the potential for our relationship to continue the way it has for years—her telling me what she thinks is best and expecting me to fall in line with her recommendations.

I’m not as worried about that as I would have been in the past. I’m done apologizing for who I am and what I want out of life. I’m done shrinking myself down, staying quiet, making excuses to appease my parents and siblings. Their expectations have crushed me my entire life, making me feel like my pursuit of something different was a pursuit of something criminal.

Being in England, putting distance between us, has given me freedom and clarity on our relationship. It’s been a long time since Emma and I have existed in a positive place. My resentment and jealousy of her has been exacerbated by her controlling and domineering presence. I’ve allowed it because I thought that was what I needed, a big sister guiding me through life.

I thought I was a bad person for applying to graduate school programs behind her back. Her anger told me so. Now, though, I see the real source of tension for her might be something else entirely. Me stepping out of her carefully laid plans must have felt terrifying for her. She wants the best for me and she assumes she knows what that looks like: a career in medicine, a marriage to Andrew, a life that mirrors her own in so many ways. She doesn’t hate my job in publishing. She hates that she can’t see into the future for me, to ensure that I’m happy the same way she is.

Emma is not malicious or cunning or evil. She’s my big sister and she loves me in ways that, at times, might not be helpful or healthy.

In the heat of my anger with her and my parents, I’ve wanted to scream and shout. That well has dried up though now. I just want to move on. I want to talk to her, but I don’t want to rehash the past and point out the ways she’s inadvertently hurt me. It’s a relief, actually. It feels like taking off a heavy mantle I’ve worn for too long.

Emma drops her purse on a side table by the door then unfurls her scarf and stacks it on top of her things. She turns to me with a tight smile and a worry line creasing her forehead.

“I’d like to start by saying I’m sorry.” She laughs when my jaw drops. “I mean it, Summer. I hate how we’ve been the last two years, and I know…” She heaves a deep sigh as if steeling herself before she continues, “I was the one who put us in such a dark place. I see that now. I spoke with Andrew after he got home from England, and though I will admit at first I was disappointed to hear that things are officially over for you two, he really changed my viewpoint on a few things.

“I know you and I are so different and we’ll never see eye to eye on certain situations, but I was wrong to treat you—”

My heart breaks listening to her apologize. “Emma—”

She shakes her head. “I’m the big sister and I know I can be extremely overbearing. I’m supposed to take care of you and protect you, and I want to repair things. I want you happy.”

“Iamhappy,” I insist.

“With this new job?”

I nod, smiling. “I love it. Ilovewhat I do.”

She looks so relieved.

“And what about this new guy?” she ventures. “You’re happy with him too?” When I level her with a shocked glare, she laughs. “What? Andrew told me you’re head over heels. He could barely believe it.Areyou?”

Her eyes alight with wonder like she doesn’t think it’s possible.

I nod timidly, chewing on my bottom lip, and she squeals. “You’re kidding!Tell me everything!”

I know it’d be futile to try to hide my blush. “I can’t. It’s still so new and…” I shake my head. “I just don’t want to jinx anything.”

She holds up her hands as if she completely understands. “Got it. Okay. I just— You’re going to be careful, right? Not rush—” She sees my expression harden, and she blanches. “Right, yes. I just apologized for being overbearing and now here I am doing it again. You’re an adult. You’ve got this. Understood.”

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