Page 39 of An Unfinished Memory

No. No one could know.

Eliot blinked, then adjusted the brim of his ball cap. “One of these days, you’re going to have to get over Sutton.”

“What if I don’t?” I couldn’t take the words back. They were out there.

He didn’t laugh me off. I started to squirm the longer he seriously considered my question.

“I know the divorce was my fault.” I needed to shut my damn mouth, but I wasn’t used to Eliot judging my choices. “I know I can’t change the trust, and my job is important, and she wanted more. But dammit—I didn’t marry her because I thought that a decade later, I would want to do it all over again.”

He shoved his mug to the side and leaned his forearms on the table. “You did fuck up, and I’m not saying that because it’s been hell getting good vet care out at the ranch. You can be a deputy anywhere.”

Barns hadn’t trashed the Knight name anywhere else. No other county had a gruff sheriff who’d yanked a drunk teen Wilder out of a ditch and told him he could do more with his life. “The ranch?”

“Cody found a way around the trust. You can too.”

“What about you?”

He scoffed. “When do you guys care about my circumstances?”

“You’re right, I don’t.” I wasn’t tied to the ranch as much as him, but he was my brother. I wasn’t leaving him with more to do because I wasn’t holding up my end.

“Asshole. Anyway, you might feel like you’re always out at the ranch because you are—on your time off. But I’m out there nearly twenty-four-seven. Trust me, your contribution isn’t making or breaking the place.” He sat back. “Look, we have Chambers. Lorenzo can look into the parameters and see what leeway you have, like some ofyour inheritance goes to hiring some help. But…” He spread his hands. “You might have to take the pay cut. As for the deputy part, well, that’s your choice.”

“I can’t be sheriff just anywhere.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?”

I scowled at him. “Of all people, I shouldn’t have to explain it to you.”

“You don’t have to explain shit to me, dickweed. You want to be married to your job, keep doing what you’re doing. You want to turn down the Jodis of the world and sleep alone, go ahead. But when you’re the one retiring, who’s going to be there for you?”

Not Sutton. My reflux from earlier returned. “What’s that supposed to mean? Ray has family.”

“An ex-wife and the kids who never visit?”

I clenched my teeth together, angry at Eliot and myself for being on the same wavelength.

He picked up his beer mug, the inch of amber liquid left sloshing against the sides. He didn’t drink it. Instead, he studied me, his gaze assessing. “Jodi would probably forgive your earlier moodiness.”

She would. She’d always been understanding like that. But she didn’t lean on me when we danced together, completely trusting me to whisk her away. She didn’t call when she knew I missed company on my birthday. And Jodi’s dark hair wasn’t what I pictured spread over my abdomen while paler lips than hers were wrapped around my cock.

So. I had it bad for Sutton. Which was why I was just fine with our arrangement.

Eliot polished his beer off. “I guess it’ll be me and you in thirty years, two old fucking bachelors complaining about the weather.”

Finally, the focus was off me. “Why haven’t you seriously tried to find someone?”

“Unlike you, I know my circumstances won’t change, and no woman wants this life.”

“Just because Mama didn’t doesn’t mean no one will.”

He twisted his lips. “Mama. Aggie. Sutton. We know Meg would’ve left Cody eventually.”

Yeah, she would’ve.

“Maybe I’ll never retire,” I said as if it solved all my problems.

A buzzing woke me up. I squinted at the window, needing a moment to register I was in Sutton’s house.

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