Once we prepared the hot chocolate and our mugs were full of the steamy drink, I pulled up a playlist on my phone and hit play. A slow country song filled the air.
Sutton was about to sit at her kitchen table, but she paused and looked up.
I held a hand out. “Would you like to dance?”
A smile curved her lips. “Your plan B?”
I nodded. “Any excuse to get you in my arms.”
She rolled her eyes, but the grin didn’t go away. “Careful, or I’m going to fall head over heels in love with you.”
She froze, and my outstretched arm wavered. Wasn’t she in love with me? I’d been trying to win her back, to earn any time with her, but neither of us had said the L word. How could I not have considered where her heart was? Did I take her love for granted?
“I already am,” she said quietly and took my hand. “I didn’t mean for that to sound like I wasn’t.”
I tugged her to me, keeping her hand in mine and snaking an arm around her waist. I spoke against her hair as I swayed us to the beat of the music. “I love you, too, Sutton. I’ve never not been in love with you.”
“Wilder.” She crowded closer, letting me take over and spin us around between the table and counters.
“I took you for granted.”
She lifted her head to meet my gaze. “Maybe I took you for granted too.”
“No. You didn’t. You kept working, kept trying. And I kept assuming you’d always be there.”
The corners of her mouth pulled down. “Even after we divorced?”
“No. Maybe?” I swayed us around in a lazy circle. A new song started, just as slow and romantic, but also the perfect melody to keep me talking. “I let you walk out because I wasn’t going to be like Barns.”
The admission came out of nowhere. Had my father been the excuse for why I let Sutton go?
Her eyes flickered. “How could you think you’d ever be like him?”
“I wasn’t going to try to trap you if you weren’thappy. You might leave and never want to think about me again.”
“Like your mama did?”
My nod was jerky. Barns had kept talking Mama into baby after baby, but he wasn’t willing to put the work in to win and keep Mama’s love fairly. And she’d been so defeated, so fed up when she left, she wanted little to do with boys who reminded her of him. Boys like me.
She stopped the dance and released my hand to cup my face. “You’re not like Barns, and you can quit compensating for him. You don’t owe anyone anything because of how he behaved.”
Not long ago, I would’ve brushed her off. This time, her statement sunk in like footprints in fresh snow. Had I been compensating for my dad and wrecking my most important relationships because of it?
But my life wasn’t just about me. I wasn’t selfish like Barns. “The town helped me when he wouldn’t.”
“Ray helped you, and his aid came with high expectations. It’syourlife, Wilder. If you want to be sheriff, do it. If you don’t…that’s okay too.”
I hooked her hand and started a slow two-step with her. I was about to tell her being sheriff was what I always wanted, but she’d heard it before. This time, I was also worried the words would still feel hollow when I said them.
Twenty-One
Wilder
A phone was buzzing. I didn’t open my eyes. I had a round ass nudged into my side. “That your phone?” I mumbled, trying to clear the sleep fog and remember whether she said she was fielding calls this weekend.
“It’s yours,” came her sleepy reply.
I picked up my phone. Ray’s name flashed on the screen. I squinted at the time. “It’s four a.m. his time.”