Page 61 of A Temporary Memory

“I know.” But I didn’t want to hear it. “It was a mistake, and I probably shouldn’t work for you, but I’m stuck for at least the weekend—”

He planted a finger on my lips. “Nothing about me feels like what we did was a mistake.” He stroked his hand along my jaw, and I stared at him, perplexed. This wasn’t the confrontation—or shunning—I expected. “Yes, my brain is trying to tell me that it was wrong, but I think it’s because...” His gaze stroked around the bathroom like he was taking in the whole house. He shook his head. “How do you feel about it? Are you okay?”

He was checking on me? I nodded, unsure what to say. Did I tell him I was silently panicking but wanted to climb him like a stage ladder? Reveal that I was willing to drop to my knees and return the favor? Or better yet, remind him that the guest bedroom was right behind him, and how handy was that?

“I’m okay.” Isowasn’t okay. His tongue had altered me. No one should be able to elicit that much pleasure with a body part. He didn’t have to be controlling. I’d hand over my life to get more of what he could do with his mouth.

“Are you sure?” He pulled his hand away, his expression resolute. Did he think his touch was influencing what I said?

Was it?

I thought hard. He deserved an honest answer. “I’m afraid I messed up. I’m a little ashamed that I’ve been your nanny for three weeks and things have already gotten sexual with you. I worked hard to be taken seriously in my line of work. The nature of it made it more difficult, and here I am, wanting to jump into bed with you.”

His gaze softened, and humor lit his eyes. Then it faded. “If we weren’t in this house, in Buffalo Gully, where people would talk, things would be different. I’m a recent widower with a hot nanny.”

My heart stuttered.

“I don’t think I’m ready for the speculation,” he admitted softly. “Just like you, I don’t want to be a stereotype, someone people assume is a lonely dad who’s lusting after the younger nanny.”

“Seven years is hardly scandalous.”

His smile was quick. “I’ve been feeling older.” He shook his head. “I want this to be a decision between us. You and me. No one else, past or present. I’m dealing with my feelings about being a widower and moving on, but I want you. I like you. I like your outlook on life, your kind nature, the way you naturally understand my kids. You’re an amazing person, and I’m not at all ashamed to be attracted to you. But our circumstances make it seem sleazy. Make me feel like a creep, and if anyone found out, that’d only make it worse. And I can’t forget that you’re stranded in Crocus Valley, and we both plan to ditch the town soon. Makes the whole decision almost moot.”

I processed what he said. His stark confession was calming when I thought I’d be left disappointed. He was going through a lot internally, and I understood what it was like to be labeled and struggle against it. He had kids to think about, and we were like two planets in the universe. Our paths crossed once in a lifetime.

I didn’t know a thing about astrology other than I was a Taurus and naturally stubborn.

What did I want?

This snack of a man in front of me. The rest went much deeper than what we’d be allowed in the remaining time we had together. My gaze dropped to his left hand, where his silver wedding ring was covered in shadows.

He noticed and flexed his hand. He studied his ring for a moment. “I kept wearing this for the kids. They’ve been through so many changes, but...When I help at the ranch, I usually take it off.” A ghost of a smile passed over his mouth. “Meg picked the ring she wanted because she knew I had zero fucks to give about my own wedding ring.”

“It’s nice.” The ring was solid, like I assumed their marriage had been. A solid marriage wasn’t necessarily a passionate one.

“She had good taste.” He drew his brows together. “But I still think of it as more hers than mine.” He tugged the ring off, and I let out a soft gasp. Silver flashed in the light as he held it up. Just as quickly, he closed the jewelry in his fist. “Meg wanted her ring to go to Ivy, and I put it in her jewelry box. I’ll add mine, and it’ll go to G. I’m not living in the past, Tova,” he said softly. “But I’m trying to figure out my present, and the one clarity I have is how much I want you.”

The warmth flowing through me wasn’t only from my earlier orgasm. Removing his ring wasn’t performative. I’d lived with and around people who wanted me to think they were someone else so they could take advantage of me. Cody was different. He was conflicted, but only because he wanted to do the right thing for himself, his kids, and me.

Cody Knight was a good man.

“I want you too,” I finally said. “I also like you.” I loved what he did to my body. “We can table this until we get back to Crocus Valley, and then anything between us there can stay there, and we’ll both go in knowing it’s temporary.”

His jaw didn’t clench until the word “temporary” came out. My gut wrenched at the same time.

He stroked his gaze over me. “You really are amazing,” he murmured.

Almost shy, I smiled. He leaned in close, his forehead tipping toward mine. Power radiated off him, tension flowing through his body. I met his eyes, the bathroom light highlighting the amber flecks in his deep brown irises. “Good night, Tova,” he said and peeled himself away.

“Good night,” I whispered to an empty doorway.

These were going to be the three longest days of my life. My next message to Thelma would say I’m fine, but I’d be lying. It should readMy raging case of lady blue balls is going to strangle me, but when I get back, I might get the ride of my life. Can’t wait. XOXO.

Eleven

Cody

Dust hung in the air, and the sun dropped lower in the sky. It was late, the day had been long, but half the cattle had been run through. My body ached from a much-needed day of moving around in nature. I smelled like horse sweat and nervous livestock.

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