Page 31 of A Temporary Memory

“Mama was big on women’s empowerment, as long as it didn’t include anything maternal.”

“But there are five of you.”

I nodded, leaning closer to make sure I cleaned her off well enough. An absurd task but a damn good reason to close the distance between us. “She felt like Barns—my dad—was baby trapping her, and when I was fifteen, she jetted. Aggie was five.”

“Are you the oldest?”

I nodded.

“I can tell.” When I cocked my head, she leaned forward, a smile playing over her pink lips. “Milk Daddy.”

Laughter erupted out of me without warning. I sat back on my heels and propped my arm on my knee with the pink-stained wipe pinched in my fingers.

Her tinkling laughter caught my attention, but surprise was the dominant expression rippling over her face. “What?”

“You’re grinning. I’ve only seen your stern face.” She danced her fingers lightly over my cheeks, stealing my ability to breathe. Then she gasped and pulled back like she was caught lifting jewelry.

Air drew back into my lungs. I wanted her touch back on me. To distract myself, I crumpled all the garbage in my hands. “Am I that bad?”

“You’ve been through a lot,” she said quietly. “But the kids really do love being with you.” Stronger, she continued. “They talk about stuff you’ve done all the time.”

That gave me pause. “Like what?”

“They talk about horses and working cattle. They say you catch the biggest fish.”

Two years ago, I took them fishing so Meg could work on a case. Austen had been home, and we’d gone to the river. “The fish was barely a foot long.”

“It was a whopper to hear them tell it.”

Huh. The kids said I worked a lot, and I had narrowed our whole existence down to that, but really, it’d only been really bad since Barns had died. My talk with Aggie wanted to come out of the corner.

Later.

I rose and tossed the trash in the burn bin Aggie kept in the barn to be part of a summer bonfire later.

Tova scooted over. Was she making room for me to sit and wait for our wilderness medicine crew to arrive?

I took the seat, unable to stay far from her. When her rosewater scent reached my nose, a knot loosened inside my chest. “I didn’t remember the fish. Does that make me a bad dad?”

“You’re not a bad dad. Trust me—I’d know.”

The glimpses she gave me into her life only made me want to know more. To talk with her for a few hours...or days. Weeks. Months. Hell, she’d been in my house a week, taking care of my kids, and I knew little more than her last name, where she banked, and that she left a bad relationship in California.

“You love them, but I think...” She licked her lips, and I tucked my groan away. The sight of her pink tongue would have to torment me later when I figured out how shitty of a guy it made me, as a widower, to low-key lust over my nanny. “I think you could loosen up with them. I think you want to.”

I stared at the straw-packed dirt between my loafers, stunned. I hadn’t fucking changed clothes. When did I become this workaholic guy?

Maybe when the mother of my children suggested someone else should do the bulk of raising them.

“I’ve been focused on how to secure a future where they can do anything they want.” I ran my thumb and forefinger over my bottom lip. I had opened up to my siblings, mostly Aggie, a lot since Barns died, but talking to Tova was easier. And I wanted to keep talking with her. I wanted her to know I wasn’t uptight because I was a controlling asshole. She sounded like she’d had enough of those in her life. “When my mom died, she left all her life insurance to Aggie.”

Tova cocked her head, and the artful knot of hair on top of her head bobbed. “Just her?”

“Yes. My wife knew how much it hurt me and my brothers. Her life insurance was distributed equally to our kids. They can go to whichever college they want and have enough left over for a down payment on a house.”

“Nice.”

I nodded. “Never thought we’d need it, but we’d had it all planned. And then we had to go through with the plan. Brain tumor.”

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