Page 12 of Lucky in Love

“Not Doctor Paige or Doctor O’Brien. First name basis. That’s interesting.”

“Look, if you’ve got something to say, say it.” I’m flexing my fingers and trying to talk myself out of pulling my brother into the yard for a wrestling match. That’s how we solved things when we were ten. Surely it would still be effective now.

“I’m saying that this woman likes you and you’ve been walking around smiling like a dummy for days now. When a man who hasn’t smiled in a decade is suddenly grinning from ear to ear… well, I think that man should go to a party and spend time with the girl who has that effect on him.”

Branson dumps his cereal in the sink and walks out the front door.

???

There’s always plenty to do on the ranch to stay busy and keep my mind off things I don’t want to think about, but as I work through my usual morning chores, thoughts ofPaige flicker through my mind. I’ve been operating under the assumption that I’m no good for anybody and that a woman like Paige wouldn’t be interested in someone who’s broken. But the thing is, when I’m with her, I don’t feel so broken. The way she looks at me, it’s like she sees inside and it doesn’t look all that bad to her.

When she asked me to go to dinner with her, it felt like something. More than just friends eating food. I blew that opportunity. I was caught off guard. But maybe if I had time to prepare myself, I could go out somewhere. With people.

I do my rounds, checking on all the horses and spending a little extra time with Stella, checking for signs of labor. Everything seems normal, but since she’s due within the next couple of weeks, I’ll be checking on her more frequently until the foal is delivered.

The rescue horses have been here a couple of days and I’ve been feeding them and sitting in the pen, talking to them without making eye contact. Today is more of the same. I approach them, gazing at the ground and humming an old country song my dad loved about old dogs and children and watermelon wine. The plan is to keep this up until they accept my presence and then I’ll move on to the next step of touching their shoulders or withers until they get used to that.

After about thirty minutes with the rescues, I spend the rest of the day working a horse that I’m training for a friend who’s on the rodeo circuit. This process is much more hands-on and less passive, so it’s easy to clear my mind and focus on the task at hand.

I don’t think about Paige at all until I’m sitting on the porch, staring out at the sunset. Normally, this is the most relaxing part of my day, but I’m feeling antsy, filled with nervousenergy. I glance at my watch. Six o’clock. The party will be kicking off at Fiona’s soon. I picture myself walking into Fiona’s. Would Paige be happy to see me? Would she greet me with a hug? I think about sitting near her, whispering something in her ear and making her laugh. Pulling her onto the dance floor and holding her close.

But then the rest of the scene fills in and it’s not just Paige. Fiona’s will be full of other people. People who want to talk to me. I sigh and roll my eyes. I know that sooner or later, I’m going to have to start interacting with people again. I can’t live like a hermit on this ranch for the rest of my life. I don’t want that.

Maybe a shower will help clear my head. I stand under the spray, wishing that fear and anxiety washed away as easily as dirt and sweat. When I step out of the shower and look in the mirror, an unkempt mountain man stares back at me. Branson is right, although I’d never admit it to him. I do need a haircut, but a beard trim will have to do. I trim my beard up neatly and comb my longish hair back from my face. The cologne I find in the back of the cabinet has probably been there since junior high, but I dab some on anyway.

I pull on a pair of jeans that aren’t too worn, but standing in front of my closet looking for a shirt, I cringe. Everything in here is either a work shirt or ten years out of date. Nothing I try on fits right. Standing in front of the full-length mirror, it occurs to me that I have a twin brother who’s my size, so I raid Branson’s closet. He’ll never let me live it down, but he’s going to make a big deal out of it if I show up at Fiona’s anyway. Might as well go all out, I think, as I put on a hunter green button-down.

After brushing the dirt off my cowboy boots, I put my hand on the doorknob and my stomach starts churning. AmI really doing this? Can I handle walking into a room full of people?

“There’s only one way to find out,” I say out loud and march to my truck, pushing myself to stop thinking about it and just do it.

On my way down the driveway, I pass the barn and decide to do a quick check on Stella before I leave for the night. As I approach her stall, I can hear her moving around and when I look inside, my heart drops.

NINE

Paige

Since I haven't mastered parking the huge truck, I pull onto the grass behind Fiona's Bar and Grill, where I don't have to worry about staying inside the lines. I take one last look in the mirror and swipe on some lip gloss. The green sweater I’ve got on for the party brings out the green in my eyes and I find myself hoping Baylor will be there to see it.

“Hey, cousin!” Fiona calls out from behind the horseshoe-shaped bar when I walk in. The place isn’t crowded yet, so I snag a barstool and order the obligatory green beer. Fi fills a pilsner glass with green beer from the tap and passes it to me. I take a sip, but my eyes are drawn to the double doors at the front entrance and I’m hoping Baylor will walk through them.

“You waiting on somebody?” Fiona says, with a sideways grin. “Maybe a certain strong and silent cowboy?” She’s always had the uncanny ability to read my mind.

“I guess there’s no use trying to hide it.” Another swig of my beer gives me the strength to come clean. “There’s justsomething about him that tugs at my heartstrings. You know he gave me driving lessons the other day?”

“You didn’t tell me that!” Fiona says.

“We spent Sunday afternoon driving backroads while he taught me how to maneuver that unwieldy truck of mine. He has the patience of a saint.”

“Has anything else happened between you two?” Fiona says, eyes twinkling.

“I almost drove off the mountain and when he was crushed to my side, trying to shift the weight of the truck, I thought he was going to kiss me. I hoped. But he didn’t. And then he turned down my invitation to dinner.” My heart breaks a little with the admission and I push away the hopeless feeling threatening to seep in. “Maybe I’m destined to want unavailable men.”

“He’s been through a lot, Paige. Promise me you won’t give up on him yet, ok?”

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. “How come you believe in love for everyone but yourself, Fi?”

She shrugs and tosses her blond tresses over her shoulder. “Just because long-term relationships aren’t for me doesn’t mean I want you to grow old alone. I want you to be happy. You deserve it, after what you’ve been through.” She puts a hand on my arm and smiles before directing her attention to a couple on the other side of the bar.

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