Page 17 of Slow Burn (The Boston Beauties)

‘I’ll get a chicken burger with a coke,’ I told her, and she looked up at me.

‘New Year's resolution?’ she dug.

I smiled at her, ‘Something like that.’

‘Didn’t know your body was capable of drinking anything non-alcoholic.’

‘I feel it’s time I turn a new leaf. I have few friends, and I cannot alienate the ones I have.’

When she came back with my drink a few minutes later, she leaned over. ‘See? That wasn’t so hard to do, was it?’

I looked at her, now fully understanding where she was going with that. ‘What wasn’t?’

‘The apology, it took you long enough.’

I ran a hand through my hair, embarrassed. I had made her wait a while for it, and that wasn’t fair on my part. ‘I’m really sorry,’ I looked up to her. ‘I was so fucked up, I just needed to get away, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, literally. The morning after I saw you last, I just tossed in the towel and went home...or well, back to England.’

‘Ahh, I see,’ she nodded. ‘You have a nice Christmas with your family then?’

I took in a deep breath and a drink of my coke. I wasn’t about to get into it, so I just nodded as I drank. ‘You?’ I asked, deflecting.

In between serving me my food and tending after the few other people in the bar, Lisa told me about some of the office Christmas parties that went on, Christmas with her family, then the big New Year’s Eve bash. It was nice to be having a normal, sober conversation with her for a change.

January was cold and I spent a lot of time working on the inside of the house, with Joe helping when he wasn’t working on some other projects he’d been contracted to do. The first thing I did was to sort out the downstairs kitchen and living areas. I built walls for the kitchen and finished the downstairs bedroom with en suite bathroom. Everything was roughed in, with a new energy-efficient window and insulation within the month. I had an enclosed bedroom on the first floor with a working shower, sink and toilet. The walls weren’t painted, and the floor was bare pressed wood, as was the rest of the first floor.

The kitchen was still a work in progress as I didn’t have any cupboards or counters yet. Colleen, who was now surprisingly pretty hands on with the renovations, had custom-built ones being installed next month. In the meantime, I had to finish the drywall in the dining room before I could lay all the hardwood floor Colleen had also picked out for the first floor.

I moved the fridge back into the house, and I had the small appliances on the old table in the interim. I rewarded myself by purchasing a large TV when I finished the wall and fireplace in the living room.

Most days since I came back, it was the same thing. I’d put in a twelve-hour workday, and then either fall asleep watching TV on the old sofa before making it to my bed in the middle of the night. Or when I was in the mood to be social, I’d make my way to the Bar, one of the few bars that stayed open during the winter months close to me. I had come to find out pretty much everything slowed down or stopped completely on the Cape between October and April. It truly was a seasonal town.

Luckily, it was also where one of my only friends worked almost every night. Lisa’s family owns the place, her father and uncle opened it years ago, but after her uncle passed and her father got on in age, he now only did the books and some oversight of the place. Lisa managed it all, from the orders, the staffing and working the floor also.

Since clearing the air, she was always nice to me, even when I didn’t want to talk, which wasn’t as much as it had been before I’d taken my break and buggered off to England. Since coming back to the Cape, I’d been making an effort to be nicer to people, including her. Over the past few weeks, I’d even been flirting with her to both our amazement—and I was doing it sober. I occasionally had a beer, but only one. I was conscious now about my drinking, as I had never been before.

Lisa understood how hard it was when Jessa went missing. It wasn’t like she knew I had been involved with her, but she knew we were friends and how close I was to the Cahill family. Breton had told everyone that I’d been working with Steve for a while in the summer, so it didn’t appear that I just happened upon the family. People would be jealous, as so many wanted an opportunity to work for him or his company.

I didn't understand at the time just how big of a prize I had won in the Cahill lottery when Steve hired me.

Lisa didn’t know all the details, so she could never fully understand how alone and lost I felt. Even five months later, with Matt’s trial underway, while I had accepted that Jessa was no longer with us, I hadn’t actually come to terms with the fact that the love of my life was in all likelihood not actually living any longer.

I’d never been one for casual dating. I’d always gravitated to relationships if the right person came along. I hadn’t had many girlfriends, but the ones I’d had were more than casual company or someone to fuck. But I didn’t think I was ready for a relationship; I certainly wasn’t actively seeking one out or thought about dating. I was horny, but nothing my hand couldn’t take care of.

Lisa made me smile and feel welcomed. She was someone to talk to at the end of a long day, after spending it lost inside my head. As the weeks went on, January turned into February, and I felt myself wanting to be at the bar most nights and flirting with her more often than not.I was lonely and she was there.

‘Do you have an early start tomorrow?’ Lisa asked me one night in early February while I sat at the bar with her working around me. I had started to feel bad that while she worked, I just sat around. That night, I started to help her with closing. Aside from when I was either in Boston or had an early start, I stayed to help her.

Besides, her car was on the fritz more often than not these days. I hated her waiting and paying for a cab when I could easily drive her. But I couldn't lend her any of my vehicles on a permanent or even semi-permanent basis. They weren’t mine, they were the Cahills’ and the Audi was Jessa’s. I always felt bad any time I had Lisa in her car.

‘Nope,’ I told her, walking behind the bar as the last of the customers left, about forty-five minutes before closing time. The kitchen had closed an hour before and the two staff were long gone.

‘Good, can you drive me home?’

‘Of course,’ I told her, grabbing a spray bottle and a new clean cloth to wipe all the tables down. ‘I’ll be out of town for the rest of the week for pre-trial meetings with Abby and the defence.’

I wasn’t looking forward to the rest of the week, or the end of the month when I’d be put on the witness stand. I still wasn't sure what I was going to say or how I was going to deal with seeing Matt in the courtroom. I was afraid I’d be in the cell in his place for murdering him.

More than that, I was terrified of facing my feelings that I still hadn't come to terms with. Jessa was gone and Matt was on trial for killing her.

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