Page 43 of Unravelling Nell (Fairford Affairs)

Rafe swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Her family didn’t want me at the funeral either. They knew exactly who I was. We were together for over a year, and she’d told her sister all about me. When I tried to talk to her parents, they called me a freak. Said I tricked their daughter into going down the path that led to her death. That it was my fault.”

“No.” She reached up to cup his face, only remembering his rules when he jerked away. Hurt flashed through her eyes as she forced her hands down to her sides. “Rafe, that’s not even close to true. You met her at a kink club, for fuck’s sake. She was the one trying to leadyoudown the path.”

Closing his eyes, he imagined how soft Nell’s hands would feel against his face. How her warmth would seep into his skin. “I know.” All he could do was whisper. “But I kept telling myself if I’d just given in, she’d still be alive. I would’ve been more careful than him. I would’ve stopped sooner. She was dead because I was too afraid to even try.”

“No,” she said again, with more force this time. “That’s not even a little bit true. Please tell me you don’t still think that.”

“Not all the time.”

Her hands twitched, as if she longed to reach for him again. “Can I hug you?” she asked, leaning away slightly as if she expected him to lash out. “Please?”

Voice failing him completely, all he could do was nod.

Nell moved her hands to his chest, then wrapped her arms around his middle, holding him close. Face buried in his neck, she whispered, “You shouldn’t ever have to think it again. You made the right choice. The only safechoice. You have no idea what she would’ve pushed you to do if you went along with it. It just as easily could’ve been you who killed her.”

Tears welled behind his closed eyes as he tried to breathe. Fucking hell, why couldn’t he breathe? This was why he never talked about any of this. It hurt too fucking much.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to keep it all inside anymore. It’s better to let it out.” She was still whispering, her lips only inches from his ear. Her voice was so fucking sweet. It almost made him want to believe her.

Swallowing down the sob trapped in his throat by sheer force of will, Rafe said, “I completely fell apart after the funeral. Went on a bender that lasted for weeks. Got fired from my job. Missed a rent payment and was about to get evicted. Then one night, after a bottle of Jack...” He shuddered.

“It’s okay,” she whispered again. “I promise it’s okay.”

Maybe it actually would be. Maybe it was finally time to let it all go.

Rafe extracted himself from her arms with gentle care, not wanting to startle or upset her, then took her hand in his. Bringing it up to the inside of his wrist, he traced the tip of her forefinger down a short, thin scar concealed by the eagle tattoo wrapping around his forearm, its wings spread wide.

Nell gasped, tears springing to her eyes again. “Oh, Rafe.”

“I didn’t get far before I came to my senses. I called Freya, and she got to my place so fast, she must’ve run a hundred red lights to do it. She patched me up and took me to live with her and Ian.”

One corner of her lips lifted into a wobbly smile. “So she saved us both.”

“She helped us both,” he corrected. “As for saving? I don’t know. I’m the one who called her. You’re the one who left Micah. We had to do the actual saving parts on our own.”

New tears started their long, slow tracks down her cheeks.

“After Freya and Ian got me to stop drinking, I started volunteering as a dungeon monitor at the club. I studied the scenes, learning as much as I could. Freya got some of her friends who liked to play harder than she does to mentor me, too.” He pulled Nell against him, needing to feel her heat before he could make himself say any more. “I spent three years in Tampa before I mastered everything I could there. Then I moved to New Orleans, then Baltimore, then Chicago. Everywhere I went, I found people who could teach me something new, and worked my ass off until I was certain any sub would be safe in my hands, no matter what she needed.”

Nell’s hands fisted in his shirt. “That’s why you came here. So you’d be famous in our circles.” She stumbled through the words, clearly on the edge of more tears. “It’s why you let everyone think you’re scary.”

He kissed the top of her head and held her even closer.

“So girls like me will go to you, and you can keep us safe.”

“I didn’t know what else to do.” Christ, he sounded so lost. “And somewhere along the line, I think I kind of forgot it started out as an act. I don’t know which parts are really me anymore.”

Clinging to him, Nell finally gave in to her tears. And for the first time in almost two decades, Rafe did the same.

CHAPTER13

Nell

When Nell woke the next morning, Rafe’s soft snores drifted over from the other side of the king bed. She rolled over a few times, trying to find a comfortable position, but ultimately gave up. Her body made it abundantly clear it was time to get up.

Not surprising, really. Rafe needed to let off some steam last night, and she’d gladly obliged. Wearing nothing but black leather pants that made him look like a sex god, he handcuffed her naked to a chain dangling from the dungeon ceiling. Then he used a bullwhip on every single inch of sensitive skin on her body.

Each fall of the whip felt like a line of icy fire, making her scream and writhe. And yet the whip didn’t break the skin. Not once. The skill with which he wielded it left her astounded even now, hours later.

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