Page 114 of Deeper

Rylan

My hands shake.

Toxic energy pours out of me.

My body is deprived of sleep.

I’d been consumed by this since all the talk about the job being over. My thoughts had been stuck on a continuous loop and had eaten at me until I let them free. Until I took my innermost demons and let them out to play, let them come to fruition.

The job is over.

There is no more avengement to seek in this town. I’ve made sure of it. All of the people who hurt Aria are gone and will never hurt anyone ever again.

“Rylan.”

Am I imagining Callen’s voice? He can’t be here.

In my rabid state, I turn to face the voice behind me, and the evidence of what I’ve done drips from my hands and collects under my feet. Once again, my hands are stained crimson. The early morning sun beats down on my back, and birds chirp, ready for a new day. The tall trees that surround us hide my secrets from the rest of the world. But my darkness shows through to the man who knew exactly where to find me when he woke alone this morning. Callen doesn’t show a bit of surprise as I face him in the woods where we’ve killed before.

“She had to die,” I confess.

“You should have talked to me first, Rylan. The cops are looking for a reason to bust you. Willy sacrificed himself for you, and we can’t just throw that away.”

The mention of Willy and his sacrifice claws at my heart, but I can only summon a little bit of guilt.

“She had to die,” I repeat the only thing that’s been cycling through my mind for days.

“I get that, but we needed a plan first.”

He comes to my side and takes the knife, which is soaked in Margaret Elena Franklin’s blood, from my grasp. Her sliced and mutilated body lies dead on my other side. She can’t hurt anyone again either. I made sure of it the second I cut out her tongue.

“I made her write a suicide note. I made her tell the truth and confess that she helped them cover up Aria’s death. She wrote down all the details she knew about what those men did to her and the reasons why she changed her police statement. The world will know what these people did to Aria. They couldn’t get away with it. I couldn’t let them.” My words are sincere, even during my worst of intentions.

“A note is good, but in this case, we’ll need them to find a body, and one look at this one will tell them it wasn’t a suicide.”

I’ve messed up again. “Can you fix this?”

“You know I can.” He leans down for a better look at the body, which has been carved and sliced from scalp to toe. He’s frustrated with me, but he can’t hide the pride radiating from him over my levels of violence.

“I love you, Callen.”

“I love you, too, Rylan.”

I look down at Margaret’s body and let the words fall from my lips. “I don’t know if I can stop, Callen. My need isn’t just about this job anymore. It’s who I am.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

“I don’t want to stop. I need to keep the death in my life. I’ll always crave the brutality. I don’t want the end of this job to mean I’ll never kill again. Bad people are everywhere, in every town and around every corner. I want to hold their lives in my hands, make them beg, and then take everything away from them. I want to be worshipped by your lips, your hands, all of you, while I do it.”

“Rylan, we can do that. I’d love for that to be our life. We can do whatever you want and go wherever that takes us. But you need to stop being so impulsive, and you need to start filling me in more before you pick up the weapon. If we do this, we do it as a team. I’ll always have your back, but I’d like to go in with a plan instead of cleaning up the aftermath of a whim. Can you do that? Can you let me in?”

“I can, and I will. I promise you. We’re a team from here on out, our love and always.”

Blood discolors Callen’s short beard when I touch my hand to his cheek, and I worry my bottom lip between my teeth while Callen looks down at me sternly.

“Good girl, Little Bird.”

He breaks up the seriousness and kisses me, and more blood smears between us.

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