Page 82 of Deeper

The door slams behind her.

Rylan, who is still nude, walks toward me with a pout to her lips. “She ruined my game. That dumb cunt wasn’t supposed to enjoy being toyed with. I guess I should have guessed, though.”

In that moment, I realize I have my answer. I’ve fucked up. I didn’t think this through. I’m jeopardizing everything I’ve built for this girl. I set aside all of my rules and risked my reputation and my freedom for a fuck in a hotel room.

I hold my hands out to warn her away. I can’t be near her while I’m this pissed at myself. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I take out my self-loathing on her because she’s the one that’s done this to me. It’s this thing between us that’s causing me to act like a fucking idiot.

“Okay, so you’re mad? What exactly is it that you’re mad about? Because, this morning, you were jumping at this idea. I didn’t blindside you with this.”

“Shut up! I can’t fucking think.”

“You’re heated. I get it, but don’t fucking talk to me like that.”

“You get it? You get it? You don’t fucking get shit! What the fuck is wrong with you, Rylan? You think the world plays by your rules? My world doesn’t work like that. Normal people’s worlds don’t work like that.” My frustration turns inward, where it truly belongs. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve just let you come into my life and flip it fucking inside out. I’ve let you turn me into some green fucking idiot who just blindly followed you into this room just to get my dick wet.”

“You’re being dramatic, Callen. Get your panties out of a twist.”

“Fuck you, Rylan. What was the plan if your little threat today didn’t work? What is the plan if she decides you are bluffing and fucking talks? Am I just supposed to take her out because she got in the way of your fun? Do you want me to leave a trail of bodies leading right to us?”

“Don’t you dare stand there and pretend like you weren’t on board with this from moment one. How exactly did you think this was going to end? Did you plan to kill her? I prepared for what I was getting into. I made a plan to keep Elena quiet. I’m not the one being reckless. You are!”

“You know what? You’re right. And I’m done. I’m done with it all.”

I hastily pull my clothes on and then snatch my gun from the table.

“You kill people for a living, Callen! Now, suddenly, you have a conscience?”

I turn my back on her.

Rylan is nothing but trouble, and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. She’s impulsive and reckless, and she takes chances I can’t afford.

She calls out to me, and I struggle not to run back to her.

I storm from the hotel room, slamming the door behind me. The sign I hung on the handle for Rylan to find falls to the ground, and I leave behind the piece of me that wants to throw it all away for a girl who somehow found her way into my heart.

“Not now, Willy.” My voice is harsher than I meant it to be.

“It’s the girl.”

It took me under ten minutes to get home from Ridgemount Hotel. I have no idea why, but Willy is outside my place, sitting in the chair just beside the door. It’s as if he was waiting for me.

“What are you doing here, man?”

“I like this chair. I can see more of the park from your view than mine.”

“Okay, well, I’m going inside. You’re welcome to stay out here if you want.”

“You screwed it up. I knew you’d mess things up with that girl. How bad is it, and how do we fix it?”

I turn to face Willy. I don’t know why I don’t just let it go and get inside, but I can’t. “I didn’t screw things up. I didn’t do anything. She’s the self-destructive one, and I can’t let her take me down with her. We don’t do anything, Willy.”

“Answer a few questions before I let you off the hook. If you answer honestly and don’t give me the answers I think you will, then I’ll leave you alone to stew in your own stupidity.”

“What? What is it?”

I instantly regret being so brash with him. Willy means well.

“Is she scared off by your vagrant ways?”

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