Page 70 of Deeper

Rylan

Eighteen Years Old

“Are you sure you won’t come?” Aria asks me with tears in her eyes.

“You’ll do great. You’re going to have so much fun.” I avoid answering her question.

I can’t go with her, not even for a little while. After Mom’s death, I was in a space mentally where I was riddled with guilt and swallowed by mortality. I still am, if I’m honest.

Each day, as Aria excitedly checked the mail, I was decidedly checked out. I put on the face that was expected, but none of it really hit home until the letter actually came—that big envelope from a prestigious university.

That was almost two months ago, and now, today is the day. Two weeks after graduation. Aria is leaving me.

“I’ll call you every day,” Aria promises.

“School comes first, brainiac.” I force a smile.

“This coming from the girl who slept through most of her high school classes.” She puts the last piece of her luggage into the back of her parents’ car.

“I never said I lead by example.”

Aria was accepted into her top choice school. She’s always been destined for more than our town can offer. For most of our lives, we talked about following each other to college, but when she got her acceptance letter, things changed.

I need to let her go. I’m a poor girl, headed to community college, with a trunkful of damaged baggage, and Aria is heading to the Ivy League. She’ll be in a dorm and surrounded by people who will push her toward greatness. She’ll be busy with classes and schoolwork. I can’t follow her. I’ll only hold her back because she’ll worry about me instead of focusing on her new life.

We also talked about me going with her just to help get her settled in, but I can’t do it. I’m selfish. I can’t see my best friend off on her new adventure because I’m afraid I won’t be able to get through it without revealing how torn apart I really am.

“What if my roommate doesn’t like me? What if she doesn’t like the same stuff as we do? What if I hate it there?”

Aria looks to me for the push that she needs to leave me behind. I have to give it to her even if I don’t want to.

“No one in the history of life has ever not liked you. If she doesn’t, then you need to stab her in the heart with a stake because she’s a vampire.” I motion the action with a dramatic flair.

She laughs at me while wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“If she doesn’t like the same things as we do, then maybe you’ll find new things you like. And you won’t hate it there, but if you do, it’s only four years. Then, we can go wherever you want. Together.”

How can I go about my life without Aria by my side?

I swallow hard and take my own advice. It’s only four years.

“I love you almost as much as tacos.” The edges of her mouth tip up, producing a smile.

I wrap my arms around her neck. I can’t hold her long or hard enough, not in this moment.

“I love you almost as much as ice cream,” I say back, controlling the shake to my voice.

Aria gets into the back of her parents’ car, and I stay behind, watching her drive off. An intense feeling overtakes me, like I’ve lost one of my limbs.

She’s my family, my best friend, and my rock. Opposites attract. That’s the saying or whatever. It’s true, but in this case, opposites are being pushed in opposing directions. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but it seems like life is taking my soul mate away from me. That is what she is, hopefully always will be…my soul mate. It exists outside of romantic relationships. Sometimes, two people, lovers or friends, click in a way that can’t even be explained.

But timing, opportunity, circumstance can be a bitch. All these things factor in.

Aria is destined for more than what I can give her. She’s growing while I am chained to my past.

Our friendship is strong; we’ll survive this, despite the distance.

Won’t we?

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