Page 116 of Deeper

Rylan

My hand is steady as I pick up the pen.

Aria,

My motives have arguably been a bit selfish, but I needed this in order to mourn you.

The presentation of Number Five’s body at the club was once again for me. I wanted to start my new life, including my sexual exploration with the death of one of the men who took you from me. Number Four at Harkness Tower was for your parents. They always loved the architecture of the Yale campus, and the structures always seemed symbolic to them of your success. The body of Number Three being left at Lighthouse Point Park was for you. You told me numerous times that it was your favorite place in New Haven. You loved carousels since the first time we went to Disney. I know you saw them as a representation of idealistic fairy tales. Number Two was left at Pond Lily Nature Preserve, and that was for us. It was the place you always wanted to show me, where you spoke of taking me one day. I’ve been there, Aria, and it’s just as beautiful as you told me. My plans for the reveal of Number One were too dangerous with the cops watching me but it doesn’t matter because they’re gone. All of those that hurt you are dead.

I’m certain that this path of retribution isn’t what you would have chosen for me, but I have a strong sense that I have your understanding. Callen is my clear sign of your acceptance. I have zero doubt about who sent him to me, considering this path brought me straight into his arms. You always watched over me, and you’re still doing it. Thank you for leading me to him. He shows me a love I’ve never known before.

Do something for me…I know I’m in no position to be asking favors, but you’ve never been one to keep score, so I’m going to. Take care of Willy for me. I know he feels like what happened was partially his fault, but he has a kind heart. In a world where so many people have let me down countless times, this man has shown me the good within humanity. Without hesitation, he’s sacrificed everything for a screwed up girl he barely knows.

I think you can finally stop worrying about me. I’m good. Better than good.

I’m going to live a life loved and love back just as fiercely. Callen is connected to my soul, twisted and ingrained within me. Tatum makes my heart feel light again. And, if your death has taught me anything, it’s that true friendship has no bounds. She and I will always be connected.

Just like you and me.

You’re with me.

I love you more than ice cream.

Rylan

Tears of life, joy, and sorrow hit the page as I end the letter to the girl in my heart.

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