Page 43 of Forgotten Promise

“Never?” Benjamin asked, somewhat surprised.

While John had told them he’d been in foster care, he hadn’t gone into any detail. No doubt they’d thought his entry to the system had come later in his life.

“My mother left me next to a dumpster in a back alley right after I was born. Umbilical cord still attached.”

“Oh my God, that poor woman.” Kailani’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Was she young? Or postpartum depression?”

The fact that Kailani’s first instinct was to worry about a young woman who’d abandoned a newborn made him love her a little bit.

Benjamin’s eyes were sympathetic, though his expression was somewhat aghast.

“Not too young to know better. She was a known associate of a mid-level drug dealer and probably an addict herself. Her arrests were for petty larceny, vandalism, and one solicitation charge that didn’t go to trial.”

“She put a newborn in a dumpster,” Benjamin said, as if he was still trying to process the willingness to literally throw away another human.

John held their gaze, even when every instinct inside wanted to look away, to shut up. He forced himself to forge on. “Guess I was lucky to be born in June. The weather was mild.”

“Don’t,” Kailani whispered. “Don’t do that.”

He knew what she was talking about because he’d done this to her once before. Tried to lessen the heaviness with misplaced humor, tried to make light of something that hurt like hell. His mother had tossed him out like garbage.

He gave her a slight nod, a sad smile. “I was found by a busboy at the restaurant that owned the dumpster when he was taking out the trash. He called 911. I was treated at the hospital and stayed there while the cops tracked down my mother. She was arrested for child endangerment, and DCFS found a great-aunt who was willing to take me in.”

Kailani leaned forward, reaching out to take his hand in hers. He gave it a squeeze, grateful for her touch before releasing it.

“Just a great-aunt?” Benjamin frowned. “No other family?”

“Nope, that was it. There was an uncle, but he was incarcerated. My birth mother’s parents were dead.”

Neither Kailani nor Benjamin asked about his father, or any potential relatives on that side. They’d clearly deduced, the way he had, that there was nothing there he could have wanted.

“My great-aunt died when I was four,” he continued. “So I was shuffled into the system. The first placement was the stereotypical story you always hear about couples who take kids in for the money.”

“Were they abusive?” Benjamin asked, shifting in his seat so that he was more fully facing him.

“Let’s just say my foster mother wielded a mean wooden spoon.” He was attempting to keep this tone light, but the truth was he’d never shared this with anyone.

“Jesus,” Benjamin muttered.

“I was taken out of that placement when I was eight, after my teacher saw the bruises on my arms and back. For the next ten years, I moved five more times, sometimes into people’s homes, twice I stayed at a group home, until I finally aged out at eighteen.”

“Were they all bad places?”

John shook his head. “No. Not all of them. I actually liked the group home, despite the fact it felt more like an institution than a home. The people who ran it were kind and there were always other kids to play with. Plus, we got three meals there and even snacks if we wanted.”

“Snacks?” Benjamin repeated as if he couldn’t conceive of a world where a snack felt like a big deal.

“Did that mean you weren’t always fed?” Kailani asked.

“Not always. It’s why I liked school. I could get breakfast and lunch there for free. It was the summers that were tough.”

Kailani wiped her eyes. “John,” she said brokenly.

He shook his head. “No, Kailani. That’s the wrong response. I’m not telling you this story because I want sympathy. I’m telling you because I want you to know me, to understand me. My upbringing made me the man I am today. It taught me courage, strength, and perseverance.”

Benjamin reached across, placing a strong hand on his shoulder. It was a friendly touch, but when John looked over, he realized it was much more than that. Because John had seen this look on Benjamin’s face before, during the unguarded moments when the other man had been looking at Kailani. There was caring and affection, but also a hunger that stirred John’s.

John dropped his own shield and let Benjamin see the same desire reflected back. Benjamin’s hand tightened, then slid down John’s arm until it fell away.

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