I try to kiss her, but she pushes me away, warning in a heated tone, “Get the fuck away from me.”
“You have nothing to say? You’re just going to leave?” I ask her, needing to hear the truth.
For once and for all.
Some fucking truth.
No more games.
Lies.
Charade.
I need something.
Anything.
I just want her honesty. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and never received from her. She has this wall that’s built to the fucking moon, and I’ve done everything to knock it down. It’s useless. Almost like she knew this moment would eventually come, and she’s tried to protect herself from it.
I hate that I’m the man who made her think she’s safe, and now I’m stripping it away so easily.
I hate that she may hate me after this.
But mostly, I hate…
That I’m so fucking in love with her it terrifies me to the depths of my core. To the bottom of my being. She’s everything to me, and I can’t hide from that anymore.
If she lets me love her, I will destroy her. I know it. Yet…
In a cool, detached voice, she states, “There is nothing left to say. It’s done. We’re done.” Only then does she look me in the eyes. “It was never real, right?”
I’m once again sick to my stomach, feeling like I could heave at any second, but I suppress it all.
I tell her the truth. “I didn’t want this to happen.”
I want to tell her the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I’m only doing this because if I don’t, my father will destroy not just me but her too.She doesn’t know the hell that would come.She doesn’t deserve that.She’s never deserved any of this.
I want to tell her how important she is to me.
How much I love her.
Want to hold her.
I do none of those things.
I watch her leave instead.
For a moment, I think she’s going to come right back. I just stand there frozen in place, glued to the damn floor beneath me.
One minute.
Three.
Five.
Until I can’t take it anymore. I grab my phone from my back pocket and text her.
Ronan:I’m sorry. Come back to me. Please.