Page 150 of F*ckboys

I find Raine in her art studio, a paint-splattered smock covering her clothes as she studies the half-finished canvas before her. Her hair is wild, free, the auburn waves cascading wildly around her shoulders and down her back. Adorable little speckles of paint fleck her hair.

She glances up at the sound of my footsteps, brows drawing together in concern as she takes in my expression. “What’s wrong?”

I lean against the doorframe, scrubbing a hand over my face. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Her paintbrush stills. “Well, hello to you too, Aksel. I see we're starting with light small talk today! What do you mean, you don't know who you are? You're a grown adult man and a successful businessman, a wonderful brother and uncle… should I continue?”

“This life, I mean,” I say, my voice rough. “The family business. Being a King. I thought I could balance everything and live a somewhat normal life, but—” I break off with a harsh laugh. “There’s nothing normal about this. About me.”

Raine sets down her brush and crosses the room to grip my shoulders. “You’re still the same person you’ve always been. You have a good heart, Aksel.”

I stare at her, wanting so badly to believe that. “How can you say that? After everything I’ve done.”

“You did what you had to do in order to protect us.” Her eyes soften. She's one of the few people who knows the full extent of what I've been through, and she's never judged me for it. “But now you have a chance at a different life. With Fallon.”

Fallon. Again that sharp twist in my chest at the thought of her. My fierce, beautiful girl. The one light in all this darkness. My fiancé.

“Do you think she could ever accept me for who I really am?” I ask quietly. “Not the person she believes me to be, but the monster I’ve become?”

“You’re not a monster.” Raine squeezes my shoulders. “Fallon loves you. But you have to be honest with her about the life you lead—and decide if you’re willing to leave that life behind for a chance at real happiness. Because I'm pretty sure you can't have both, and I'm even more certain you don't want both.”

"I just feel like she accepted my proposal without knowing the full story, without realizing what she's actually getting herself into. She's accepted a proposal based on a shell version of me. The person who I put on for show to get her to do what I needed her to do. Not the dark version of myself, the one haunted by demons. The criminal. The murderer. She wouldn't want a bar of that guy."

"Let her be the judge of that, Aksel. But either way, she needs to know. You need her to know."

I bow my head, a war raging inside me. Raine’s right. Fallon deserves the truth. She deserves better than the shadows I’ve dragged her into.

I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to step out of those shadows. Out of the darkness and into the light.

I hug Raine tight, taking strength from her as I always have. “Thank you,” I whisper.

She hugs me back just as fiercely. “You’re welcome. Now go get your girl.”

I leave Raine’s place with her words ringing in my ears.Go get your girl.Easier said than done, when Fallon has every reason not to trust me anymore. When I’ve done nothing to deserve her love or her forgiveness. It would be much easier to hold onto the fragile scaffolding we've recently developed and pretend everything is okay.

But as I climb into my car and start the engine, staring out at the road ahead, I make a decision. Raine’s right—Fallon deserves the truth. She deserves to know exactly who I am and the life I lead, so she can make her own choice.

I won’t drag her any further into my shadows without letting her know the risks. And I’ll step into the light for her. Even if it means sacrificing everything I’ve ever known, I have to try for a chance at real happiness, at a life with the woman I love.

My hands tighten around the steering wheel as I point my car toward Fallon’s place. It’s time to end the lies. To bare my soul to her and accept whatever comes after.

Loss or redemption. Darkness or light.

As long as she’s there to meet me on the other side.

I pull up outside Fallon's house, my heart pounding so hard I can feel it in my throat. Every instinct is screaming at me to turn around, to protect her from the ugly truth of who I really am.

But I can't live this lie anymore. Can't look into those sea-green eyes and spew one more fabrication to keep her by my side. She deserves better than that. Deserves better than me.

Still, my feet feel leaden as I walk up the path to her front door. My knuckles hover over the wood, trembling. Summoning my courage, I knock twice.

The door swings open, and there she is. Fallon, with her fiery hair tumbling over her shoulders and a smile lighting up her face at the sight of me. My breath catches at her beauty, at the warmth in her eyes. Warmth I'm about to extinguish.

"Aksel." She steps forward, her hands coming up to grasp my arms. "I'm so glad you're here."

I close my eyes against the surge of bittersweet joy her touch ignites. When I open them again, I know she sees the shadows lurking there. The secrets I can no longer contain.

"We need to talk," I say quietly. Hoarsely. "There are things you need to know. About me, and my past. Things I should have told you a long time ago. Things you definitely had a right to know when considering whether or not you want to marry me."

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