Page 6 of The Forever Gift

‘Maaaaammmyyyy, I can’t find my school bag,’ Molly shouts from the top of the stairs.

I glance at her bag wedged beside and slightly under Gavin on the couch.

‘Keep looking,’ I say, moving to the door so Molly comes into view at the top of the stairs. ‘Try your room. Good girl.’

‘Okay.’ Molly shrugs, turning and skipping away.

I close my eyes for a second and exhale before I turn around to face Gavin. I know Molly won’t stay distracted alone for much longer but I really don’t want her listening to whatever Gavin is about to tell me.

I open my eyes to see Gavin sitting with his hands covering his face and he’s shaking his head.

‘What did she say, Gavin?’ I say. ‘Is it bad news?’

Gavin doesn’t make a sound. When he finally lowers his hands his eyes are bloodshot and I can see he’s struggling to hold back tears.

‘Mammy, I can’t find it,’ Molly’s shouts. ‘I’ve looked in all the places.’

‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Molly.’ I roll my eyes and march into the hall.

Molly is standing at the top of the stairs again. Her arms are stretched out wide and she’s shaking her head. ‘I think Daddy hided it. Maybe he doesn’t want me to go to school today.’

I glance over my shoulder at my broken husband. Just minutes ago he was eating children’s breakfast cereal with the rigor of a teenager and now he’s washed out, shaking and as frail as a man three times his age.

Dammit, why can’t we have a normal day for once?

Gavin mentioned something months ago about Heather’s job being on the rocks. What if they’ve finally let her go and she’s moving? Gavin would die if Heather moved Kayla even further away. He couldn’t cope without Kayla.

‘Mammy are you listening?’ Molly juts a hip out and points a wagging finger at me.

It’s hard to keep a straight face as I stare up at the mini-me scolding me from the top of the stairs.

‘Sorry, sweetie,’ I say, making my way up the stairs, reluctant to leave Gavin alone. ‘Mammy’s being silly this morning, isn’t she?’

Molly nods. ‘And Daddy too. Daddy’s very silly. He didn’t know today is peenano day.’

‘Yes,’ I say, taking a deep breath. ‘Daddy is silly today, too.’

Molly lowers her pointed finger and she suddenly looks unsure, like she might cry. I hope she hasn’t picked up on the tension. Most of the parenting books I’ve read say children are aware of all sorts of external emotional factors that we don’t give them credit for. I would hate if Molly had any idea of how much I struggle with the hold Heather seems to have over Gavin. Or how uncertain it makes me.

‘You know what?’ I say with a single, enthusiastic clap of my hands. ‘We’re already a little late for school today. How about we wait until after first break to go in? Would you like that?’

‘But I have my shoes on now.’ Molly points to her toes. ‘And they’re on the right feet.’

‘I know, sweetie,’ I smile. ‘But Mammy and Daddy need to talk about something really important right now. I’ll walk you to school in a little while. Okay?’

‘Are you talking about…’ Molly draws in a big breath that makes her stand taller and straighter and then puffs out quickly ‘… grown-up stuff? I want to talk about grown-up stuff too.’

‘Hmm,’ I sigh, as I take my little girl’s hands in mine and give them a gentle squeeze. ‘Not this time, sweetheart.’

Molly lowers her head and she rolls onto her tiptoes and back down. ‘Oh,’ she says.

‘iPad,’ I say, panicked. ‘Why don’t you take my iPad for a little while. Maybe you can watchPeppa Pig, yeah?’

‘Humph.’ Molly jams her hands onto her hips. ‘Peppa Pigis for babies. I likeTeen Titans Go!’

‘Oooh-kay,’ I say, making a mental note to check up on what the hell Gavin is letting Molly watch. ‘The iPad is beside my bed. If you can’t find it I’ll…’

Molly’s back is immediately to me and she charges towards my bedroom. ‘Got it. I got it,’ she says, reappearing within seconds with the device tucked under her arm.

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