Page 64 of The Trolley Kiss

I can tell by his tone that he’s going to be angry with my answer, but I can’t do it. I can’t risk it. “Yes.”

He sits up and shakes his head in disbelief. “I don’t understand.”

I pull the sheet up over my chest to cover myself as I sit up next to him. “Nothing has changed. I’ve been upfront with you from the start.”

“Nothing’s changed?” he repeats back with a laugh. “Then what the fuck was that?”

“What?” I try to deflect, but his face lets me know I’m not going to get away with it. “It was just fucking,” I mumble.

He pushes off the bed, turning to face me, fuming. “That was not just fucking and you know it.”

“What do you want me to say?” I whisper, looking away.

“Nothing, I guess, Addison. Have a good night.” He grabs his clothes and storms out of the bedroom.

Against my better judgment, I chase after him, pulling one of my big t-shirts over my head as I follow after him. “Why are you acting like such a dick?” I ask, trying to catch up with him.

He stops in his tracks, causing me to crash into his back. He whips around. “Because I’m fucking in love with you!” he shouts.

The words slice right through my heart. “No!” I panic. “No, don’t you dare fucking say that right now!”

“I’m not taking it back.”

“That’s bullshit! It’s just new. It’s exciting. It’s a challenge. I’m a conquest. Something you can’t have. Trust me, when you finally get that thing you can’t have, it loses its value. It’s never as satisfying as you think it’s going to be. You like the way I make you feel right now. It won’t last.”

He steps back with a hurt look on his face. “Is that really who you think I am?”

I look down to the floor, feeling ashamed. “You knew who I was from the beginning. I’ve always been honest with you.”

He closes his eyes for a moment before giving me a sad smile. “Fine. You want space, Addison. I’ll give you fucking space.”

Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me. Don’t fucking leave me.

My chest constricts as my front door slams shut, leaving me standing there all alone. Just like I wanted. Just like I told him.

“Goddammit!”I hear him yell outside the door.

My breathing is frantic as I try to calm down when he comes barging back in the door, marching straight toward me. “I like the way you make me feel, huh?” he practically spits at me. “You want to know how you make me feel, Addison?” He laughs with no humor. “You drive me fucking mad! You make me feel angry! You make me feel so fucking annoyed! I feel frustrated! I feel so much fucking love!” He grabs the sides of my head with both hands, lowering his voice to a desperate plea. “Please, please let me fucking love you.”

Tears prick my eyes, but I desperately try to hold them back. My voice is horse as I lower it to a whisper. “I don’t know if I can.”

He nods, giving me a soft smile. “That’s okay. So I’ll see you Thursday?”

I’m scared of saying yes, but I know if I’m still scared, then that means Chris still has a hold on me. I can’t let that happen. I need to be brave. I need to do this for myself.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” he asks.

“Yes.”

He leans down, placing a gentle kiss against my lips. “Okay,” he whispers, pulling away. “Goodnight, princess.”

Thursday, Dec. 3

Knock. Knock.

“Fuck,” I curse under my breath, taking one last look in the mirror before heading over to my front door.

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