This isn’t happening. I can hear the sincerity in his voice.
“And then you left,” he reminds me. I feel terrible, but I need to explain where my head was that night.
“You called me a bunny.”
He jerks his head back. “What?”
“That night, you called me a bunny. During sex.”
Arthur runs up to us, panting, before Barrett can respond.
“Mom, do we have anything to drink?”
I reach into my bag and pull out a pouch of apple juice. I puncture a hole with the straw and hand it back to him. Barrett looks at me like he just watched his dog get run over.
“Having fun out there?” I ask with a smile.
He nods, still sipping juice from the straw.
“Don’t forget to come up for air.” He stops sucking and takes a deep breath before handing the drink back.
“Thanks, Mom!” he yells, hauling ass back to the jungle gym.
“Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
I nod. “Idoknow what you mean, I felt it that night too. But whenthatcame out of your mouth… it put me in my place. I was simply another bunny to you, and I realized those feelings I had were one-sided. That’s why I left. I didn’t want to be kicked out in the morning, the rejection would’ve hurt too much. Figured it would be better to leave on my own terms.” I shrug. “I should have called you out on your shit and made you apologize to me right then.”
It hurts knowing we both messed up something that could’ve had a different ending.
He shakes his head and drops it into his hands. “I had no intention of being done with you. Shit, I was prepared to put you in the WAGs box the next day.” He chuckles, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I don’t know why I called you that, it was stupid. I remember thinking that you had slept with other players, but I didn’t want to share you with anyone. I wanted you to only be a bunny for me, and wanted to be the player to lock you down. The last one you ever slept with. At the time, I didn’t realize how offensive it sounded… it was probably extra insulting, considering you played hockey. Fuck, Raleigh. I’m sorry.”
I sigh out the sadness, and this time, I don’t breathe it back in again. It feels good to get all the hurtful memories out in the open. Now that it’s off my chest, our situation seems less complicated. Maybe we could start over.
“It’s good to clear the air…and for what it’s worth, you were the last hockey player I slept with… So, now what?” I ask, looking up at him.
He brings his hand up to the back of my neck and pulls me toward him, pressing his lips to my hair.
“I finish what I started and lock you down.”
He scoots closer and we watch Arthur in silence, occasionally laughing at his silly antics. Arthur pretends his stick is a cane and hobbles around like an old man.
“He can’t get hurt. I need you to realize what you’re signing up for. Please don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
He tilts my chin up to face him, and the seriousness in his eyes is something I won’t soon forget.
“I’m keeping this one.”
Containing the smile that’s trying to spread across my lips isn’t easy. “Just like that?”
“Unless you have a time machine…”
It would’ve been nice to go back and right our wrongs, the mess would have been a lot smaller to clean up back then. “And Arthur?”
“I’ll follow your lead. I’m ready whenever you are.” He leans forward, forearms on his knees, and looks back at me. “How are you feeling about it all?”
After blowing out a breath, I tell him the truth. “It’s a lot… I’m scared.”