Page 69 of In The Game

“I think he’s busy tonight with a hockey game. But maybe we can set something up for another day.”

“We can go to the hockey game! I have tickets, remember? Barrett gave them to me!”

“Yeah, but that makes for a long day, kiddo. Hockey games can go late, way past your bedtime.”

I hate saying no to such an excited face.

“I promise I’ll sleep in tomorrow and won’t wake you up!”

I purse my lips and wince. I really don’t think it’s a good idea.

“I’ll think about it.”

“That means no.” He pouts.

“No, it meansI’ll think about it.”

He’s right, I always say no whenever I say I’ll think about it. Now I’m the asshole. I should actually consider it. If we go, we’re not sitting in the box, that’s for sure. I’m not subjecting him or myself to the awkwardness of those introductions.

Hard pass.

Me: I’m not ready for you and Arthur to have one-on-one time, but I’m working on warming up to the idea. For now, I’d like to keep his interactions with the three of us together.

Sometimes I forget we’re still getting to know each other. I’m nervous, yet everytime we’re together, his presence calms me. There’s something about our connection that runs deeper, and it’s not just Arthur, it’s always been like this with him. That’s what made the rejection from the past hurt so much, but he seems awfully determined to heal our old wounds.

Barrett: I understand. What about us?

I type from the heart, trying to be as honest as he is with me.

Me: I’m conflicted. You still give me those same feelings which really pisses me off because I don’t want to have them. Things would be easier if I could stay mad at you. Then everything could go back to normal.

Barrett: I never want to relive that version of us, I fucking hated it. That wasn’t normal. We’re what’s missing from each other’s lives. When I came over for dinner? That’s our normal. Eating together, playing with our son, kissing, making you come night after night. We can have that, Ral, it’s ours if we want it. We just need to take it.

It’s not fair for him to say those things. He’s playing underhanded.

Me: You’re shaking up my life.

Barrett: That’s how I felt the night I met you.

Barrett: I’m willing to work at it, are you?

TWENTY-SEVEN

It’s almost dinner time and he’s still sleeping. The zoo wore him out. I need to decide whether we will go to this stupid hockey game tonight… He’s probably going to be up anyway since I let him sleep so late, we have the tickets, he wants to go, it’s the playoffs, there’s not many more chances until next season. I’m the only one standing in our way.

Ever since Barrett’s text about letting ourselves have it, all I’ve been able to think about is how often I stand in my own way.Like the game tonight.I’m constantly playing it safe and never going outside my comfort zone. I’ve lost touch with the wild side I used to have.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, I rub his back. His eyes blink open and he looks like a cherub with his sleepy rosy cheeks.

“You still wanna go to that game?”

“Yeah!” His eyes light up.

“If we go, you have to go straight to bed as soon as we get home.”

The way his face lights up has already made it worth it.

He pops up. “I’ll fall asleep in the car before we even get home!”

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