Page 7 of The Bodyguard Proposal

My itch—the one that actually hasn’t left me but I’ve pushed to the background—fades. I don’t have to be self-attuned to understand why. It’s because I’ve got five weeks to not think about this. For a little while longer, I’m unattached to this new career path.

As we continue our nighttime skincare routine, I’m brainstorming how to spend the time. If I don’t make a plan, everything passes in a blink, and I won’t have optimized this window of my life—the window before it all changes. Because it will.

After you enter the public domain, they claim you. Which is why these few weeks are so important. Whatever I choose, I don’t expect to discover myself or anything drastic like that, but it feels wise to not overlook the possibility of… well…

Experimenting with being less boring?

I know, I know. Social media influencers shouldn’t hang around in my head, and I should pull together enough self-esteem to block their words out, but that would be easier if I didn’t agree withsomeof their gossiping. Their words rang painfully true the moment I heard them.

I’m logical in my approach to things.

Even as a new actor, I’m already planning to follow my mother’s lead. I don’t have experience, so the best chance of being a success is doing exactly what you’re told. To listen and react as instructed. And… Well, that circles back to being boring, doesn’t it?

My shoulders slump. And some of this internal… everything I’m feeling… must show on my face because my mother offers me lipstick. “You’ve been staring at this for a while,” she says. “I don’t think it’s what you actually want, though.”

The metallic packaging has a London flag.It’s a lipstick I bought two summers ago in anticipation of accompanying my mother to Britain, back when one of her movies was planning to shoot a few scenes there. The trip never panned out. They found a location in India to film at instead. Even so, I’ve kept the lipstick in its original packaging.

“I’ve still never been to London,” I say for the sake of saying something.

“It’s too big and too busy of a city. Everyone is so distracted. They don’t notice each other on the street. Lovely architecture, though. And not as much paparazzi as here.”

That was the appeal back when I thought we’d go. “A person gets lost there?”

“Completely lost.”

Before I can process them, words start tumbling out of me. “What ifIgo there? To London before the movie starts? I know we planned for the two of us to visit there, but what if I go by myself? As a solo-trip where I’m… ”

Pretending to be a regular person.

Possibilities weave through me. London. Me. Big city. Lost.Free. It might be perfect.

Something flickers in my mom’s expression. “Komal… you want to be young?”

“What do you mean?”

“You are thinking with hormones, and I read this article”—her teeth bite the edge of her mouth—“about the twenties being experimental. With drugs and group sex.”

I want to cover my face. Is she kidding? “Seriously?! I am not wanting to go to London for group sex!”

“Really? You don’t want to go to London for group sex?”

“I promise it’s not about that,” I say. In these last few minutes, my life has shrunk to the pinhead of my mother’s surprise. If I don’t push myself now, anonymous freedom willnever be available to me again. It’s not about group sex. It’s about nobody watching me, deciding spontaneously, living moment to moment…

She looks me over. Her hand touches my arm. “Technically, you won’t get to do this kind of trip again. So, I understand why you would want to do it… and even though I was thinking of getting you an acting coach right away, we could push it until you got back…”

“Yes, we should.”

Abruptly, she hugs me, speaking into my hair. “Alright. Go to London. Spread your wings before you get too famous. Because you will get famous. I’m always right about these things, and my daughter is destined for greatness! I can already see it.”

Butterflies clamour against my throat.

But instead of worrying or wondering about greatness, all I have to focus on is the next few weeks. Being anonymous in an anonymous city. A place for me to go off-script in anun-boringway. Do things I would never do if my friends and family were watching. To have the freedom to be whatever I want, whenever I want, even if it makes me deeply uncomfortable. For once the movie life starts, I’m on a path that is pre-stretched. There isn’t space to do things differently because the world will watch and judge.

So before that happens, I’ve got these next few weeks on my own.

And they’ve got to be enough. I’llmakethem enough.

Likemaximumenough. Brimming with everything that gives me great memories.

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