Page 49 of Sparrow

"Please don't feel bad. I'm so comfortable right now. I feel good. It helped, getting out of the breeze. I'm so comfortable. I just want to stay here for a second—listen to the rain and be here with you. I know we'll say goodnight when we go inside, and I don't want to yet."

Owen put his hands on the side of my face. He looked like a dream with droplets of water running down his face.

"Let's not say goodbye," he said.

"How?"

"Come with me to California. I can support us both over there. I want you with me."

I wanted so badly to agree to it. I ached to go with him. His dad needed me at the clinic, and the amount of money I had in savings would last me about ten seconds in California. Plus, I was saving for a car. I needed to be practical.

"Please," he said after a long pause.

His voice was pleading, and I found that it was impossible to deny him.

"You're not saying anything," he said, giving me a squeeze.

"Because I don't want to say 'no', but I can't say 'yes'."

"Why can't you?"

"Your dad would be in a bind. I'm just getting on a roll over there, and I hate to leave him."

"My dad can get help at the clinic, if that's what you're saying. I don't have much left on the movie. We can come back in a month."

Chapter 19

Five days later

I just couldn't let myself go.

I felt so indebted to the Atkinsons that I couldn't leave Memphis and go with Owen. The thought of doing it filled me with so much extreme pleasure that I knew it was the selfish choice.

Owen understood, but he didn't like it. He insisted that his dad could make it and that he wanted to pay my way in California. He said he wanted to go ahead and buy me a car so that I would stop talking about how I had to save up for it. But I couldn't let him do all of that for me. I already felt indebted to them for all they had done so far.

Every day got more and more difficult being apart from Owen, though. He had a relaxed schedule where he only had to be on location by sunrise but was off by noon. We had plenty of time to talk during the afternoons and evenings, and we had gotten even closer to each other than before.

I wanted him so badly, and I could tell he wanted me too, but I made the choice to remain patient. I needed a car. I needed the independence it provided. I would spend all the money I had saved and go into debt living in California for a month. I missed Owen like crazy, but I was being stoic about it, working hard tobe tough and make my own way. I thought that would ultimately make him proud of me and add longevity to our relationship.

We loved each other, though. We said it in plain English every time we got off the phone.

Deep down, some part of me, the insecure part, felt better having Owen so far away. When I couldn't see him, there was no way to tell how gorgeous he was. In person, I could get so enamored by his looks that I had the risk of feeling insecure. I could hear his voice, and I could see his face in my mind, that was enough for now. I didn't watch any more videos. My plan was to just get through the rest of this month until Owen was able to return to Memphis.

I worked hard and made it so that the clinic benefited from me being in the front office. I was on top of everything, which was why I blinked and felt confused when I came in that Monday morning and saw a new name on the schedule.

He was scheduled with Charlie Atkinson. It was the name John Coleman, and he was on the books for this morning. My heart started racing as soon as I saw the name.

"Who took this appointment?" I asked, trying to tell myself that it was a common name.

"Christina. He came by after you were gone Friday. He's here from out of town, and he's paying cash. She left a note saying she took the appointment. Charlie had an opening."

"There's no address on file."

"I know, because he's from out of town. Christina put all that in her note. No insurance. We just need to get him to fill out paperwork when he comes back."

My heart started pounding because I knew it was John. I wanted to run. I actually considered telling everyone I was sick and heading home. But I knew I had to stay and confront him.

There was a chance it was a different John altogether. I told myself that. But my heart told me it was John Coleman fromMontana. I didn't take another sip of coffee for the rest of the morning, and still, I was sweating and shaking.

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